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TDS (Opiates) trap in despair situation and some suicide thought, need advise

H

HEI1234

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 29, 2012
Messages
43
Hi everyone, this is my first post,

I am trap in a despaired situation and I need advise..this place is like a shelter for people like me, I read a lot post, so I know for sure there is a lot of brilliant people here, if I can get any advise or support, bluelight is the place where i can get it.
 
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dont do it son. once u go there is no coming back. i am in a similar situation. i quit opiates and still feel like shit. but i wont give up on life. what else is there?

why dont you check yourself into rehab and try coming off the opiates for a while. if u hate life sober you can always go back to using, no harm done. you might even feel better.

chin up bro, good luck.
 
I know all about the feelings you describe, man its as easy as this(lol)
--Kick the opiates!!! You forget how good it feels to not be dependent. Over time opiates will throw you into a funk, i know it all too well. Try acquiring low dose buprenorphine or taper off, you will be glad you did!
 
Yeah...I thought about that...but if I check in, my name will be in the system, I will be doomed in my field...
 
Same here safari as despair goes. 35 married, 2 kids. Just can't seem to stop. Had a taper plan. Hitting that supply to fierce. It's almost like I want to take so many NorCo so I get sick and scare me into sobriety. Horrible idea. So many people love me, and I feel helpless.
 
Omg,
I am alone, completely alone, so I can't imagine how is it feels like...
Having opiates addiction and actually got family count on you..
I am sorry to say this, but I am going to say it anyway,
You can't quit...(I mean your life)
 
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Dude, believe it or not, many if not most of us drug users have been there or close to such a situation in life. Abusing drugs, isolating yourself, losing friends,...Addiction is a b*tch, we all start losing friends once we start isolating ourselfs. Dont be so obsessed with it like this is one huge dramatic situation that is only happening to you with nowhere to go. Its really not.
Perhaps you are alone now. Its not permanent. Friends come and go, some stay. You know that life never stays still, you change friends as you change yourself, your life, as you mature, relationships change, you meet new people, new girlfriends, and most of all new opportunities. Try not so much to stick to your idea how everything should be like. You cannot control it. Right now, its probabily best if you deal with your addiction to opiates. At least minimize it as much as possible or if you have to go on suboxone/subutex or morph. sulphate ER... And dont worry that you fried you brain or anything like that. Its not true. It is just an excuse. I have this friend who constantly tells me because of his use of cocain he also "fried his brain". He constantly uses it as an excuse. ITs not true. Ive also done coke for years, also LSD and whatnot, it doesnt happen like that. Youd have to be a crazy extreme user.

Try not to obsess yourself so much with what you should be by now or where you should be. Dont compare yourself so much to other people. Its sad actually how this culture and society dictates your life and where you should be when youre 20, 25, 30, even if its not for you or youre not ready. It might even be a blessing for you. Yea sure, other schoolmates might have business and children and whatnot but that was not really your path. Its nothing bad. Most people who get married and have children when its EXPECTED of them or when they think its right it is mostly a sour sweet thing. Most people today are not mature enough until later in life.

And business-wise, you seem to be an intelligent guy, I dont think you will have that much problem getting back into employement and possible success when you are ready to return.

So please, stop thinking so much in fixed terms as if this is it, its how it is and it will not change. Everyday you wake up you are making your future. Its not written anywhere. Sure, have goals, have plans and ideas but DO NOT cling to them will all your might. Things are not certain. You can change everything if you wish. Start with your addiction because it is dragging you down. Being alone, feeling inadequate career-wise, girlfriends, its all in your reach. Just dont obsess so much about what has been or where you are now. IT is not important. And the moment you think about it, how youre alone, the moment is gone. And the chance to change it was in that moment. And it will there in the next one to.
Good luck man
 
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Everything is available, just can't get it from legal way, and expensive
Just codeine and naloxone can get it anywhere and anytime.

Actually I try sub one time few years ago,
I puke for 48hours, almost nonstop vomit
 
Placid, thanks for your advise, you are right about that, I am so obsess with the past, always try to fix it, with knowing I can't do anything about it, then "drow＂in that depress mood, and maybe enjoying the drow feeling.

Your word make me think, thank you so much,

But about the fried brain thing, I still think there is something wrong with my brain,

I can't look into anyone's eye, I am not sure how to describe it, it is like I am lying to everyone I talk to, even I am not lying..this bother me very much, if I talk with someone, just few confession, they will know something wrong with me...
 
If you feel you cannot look anyone in the eye that is just a mental state, a thought you put in your head. Its nothing physical. You can change that. Why do you think you feel like that ? Do you think it has anything to do with your addiction, that you maybe feel youre not good enough or something like that ? What do you think they would know is wrong with you, what do you think is wrong with you?
 
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I sense different thing with different person,
I think there is something to do with my drug use, I feel like I am lying to them,
Like...if someone notice I am tired, ask me what I did last night or ask how am I feeling,
My mind will jump to conclusion, "he know about my drug use"
Or maybe at least he know something is going on with me,

I will panic when I feel people are suspection about something,
And the thing is, they were right, there is something wrong with me, my drug use
 
People will see you only the way you let them see you. But unless youre ok with yourself and feel comfortable being you, they will always sense something is a bit off with you. Not necessarly because of drugs. Because you feel that way. Youre not lying to them or anything, you just not comfortable being you, lying to yourself in a way.

And youre too much worried about your drug use. Everyone has their own problems, their own demons, past things theyve done... Its life, its experience. Only narrowminded, shallow people would look down on you or give you negative feedback that you fear regarding your past drug use. You should really not care what such people think anyway.
Or are you more uncomfortable regarding your current use or when youre high? Best would be to stop, "easiest" way to find peace. Or do you feel like you can continue using and be productive?

But in any case try not to worry so much what people think of you. does it matter? Practically, in a worksetting I guess it can matter to an extent, but the image you present is up to you. If youre worried about the vibe you might give off, I know how that feels. But for the most part its in your head only. And its your thing. Who cares if they like you. Youll always feel uncomfortable if you worry so much what they think. Dont try to please them so they like you. No one will respect you and you wont respect yourself if you try doing that. I know I often tried so that people would like me or I cared what they said about me. In the end you realize its dumb.
 
And I forgot mention my dream,
I keep dreaming about everything I care about and lost,

I am not sure how to say this in English,
My dream keep looping the scene I lost something I care about,
Keep looping, sometime when I wake up I need to think few second to know I am really awake,
My dream play a huge part of how I ruining my day.....

Is this have anything to do with opiates?

Do you have this problem?
Or heard anyone have problem like this?

Yes you ar right..I care too much how people think of me....
 
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HEI1234- I have an opiate addiction myself that I'm dealing with. I'm tapering my use. One thing that helps me is that I see a therapist. I would recommend that you go see a therapist and tell that person what you have told us here. You definitely need help to get through this and seeing a mental health professional would be an excellent start. I know in Japan, psychologist, etc are not as much in number as in other countries like the US, but I know they are there. If I were in your shoes, I'd make this my mission.

You need to forgive yourself for what has happened in the past. Learn from your mistake, make a promise to yourself that you are going to get help with this drug problem- then *let it go*. There is an old saying: "you can't saw sawdust". Stop trying

After you have done this- you need to move on with your life. Forget this suicide thinking. You have no idea what your future holds. No-one knows what their future holds. Many, many people who have given up hope and lost everything have come back and regained all of what they had and more. You can do it.

Do NOT give up hope.
 
Thanks everyone, i learn a lot, I am planing to taper it
 
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Good luck dude and do report back from time to time. And seeker gave good advice when he suggested someone to talk to, like a therapist/psychologist/group... You might feel like you really have motivation now and like youre on your way but sometimes we feel bad, have a bad day, dont feel so sure anymore. At those times it helps to have a continuous support, a few times a week or something, from someone who knows what they are doing.

And about your dream that you asked. If you want to know my opinion, I dont think it has anything to do with opiates, not directly. We have all lost things, people we cared about. Everyone in this world pretty much. When you look back and regret decisions you made, things you did, you have to realize you are not the same person anymore. Today, you would have acted differently, your actions would have been different. Some people dont admit their mistakes, ignore them. Never learn. Be glad you are not like that. You would have done things differently today, so why blame yourself ? You werent thinking the same way like you are today, did not understand the same things. Making mistakes is (often unfortunately) the main manner of how we learn about the world and how to be here. You should not blame yourself for them.

Just let it go seriously. That doesnt mean forget it. You should learn from it for sure but other than that, Its not important anymore today.
 
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