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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Opiate hell

So what's up c.soduh ?? U disappeared !!
How's the battle going ? Pray all is well .....

Momma , you are farrrr from alone in that battle - I'm sure more than you'll ever know ..... The kick is the easy part , I did it for 6 mos. , then BAM here I am trying again - every day you will have thoughts that the day would be better w/ just a few - that doesn't seem to go away ( at least any time soon )
The hard part is remembering how you feel right now , and remembering it well - or in a few mos. , you'll convince yourself that it wasn't bad and that you'd NEVER go back like that and just have a few ..... You are and always will be an opi addict and there is no changing that no matter how much time passes - not turning back is the hardest part and that is what takes strength !! Know yourself well and be well. !!! I'm pulling for you missie , make yourself proud
 
I cup said:
you are farrrr from alone in that battle - I'm sure more than you'll ever know ..... The kick is the easy part , I did it for 6 mos. , then BAM here I am trying again - every day you will have thoughts that the day would be better w/ just a few - that doesn't seem to go away ( at least any time soon )

The hard part is remembering how you feel right now , and remembering it well - or in a few mos. , you'll convince yourself that it wasn't bad and that you'd NEVER go back like that and just have a few ..... You are and always will be an opi addict and there is no changing that no matter how much time passes - not turning back is the hardest part and that is what takes strength !! Know yourself well and be well. !!! I'm pulling for you missie, make yourself proud
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I agree! I'm also a very busy parent - probably not as busy as you. Leaving that aside. I think that's a great advice.
I've turned to opiates in moments I could swear I couldn't handle the overload but at the end you'd wish you haven't done that.
Good luck!!
 
Thank you 1cup. Day 3 here and i think im going to live. Lol. Had a few panic attacks. But this GABA really seems to help. Slept 10 hours last night. Physically i feel ok. But im fighting a mental battle as im sure you know. Bit i am staying busy and trying not to think aboutit.
 
Momma -

Fingers crossed for you! It sounds like you are doing everything right. You've gotten some great advice. I wanted to recommend a prescription for Indural in case you have anxiety. It's not addictive and is a beta blocker which stops the anxiety process. I used it going through withdrawal and it helped tremendously! Wishing you the best!
 
X benzo girl thanks!! I definitely have anxiety. I have had 3 full on panic attacks since stopping. I am starting day 4 here. I actually feel ok. Still taking the gabapentin and immodium but cut back on immo a lot. Added wellbutrin today. And still taking a little 5-htp and a multivitamin. I think it must be the gaba bc I havent felt much withdrawal symptoms. I will look into what ypu daid for anxiety. I have 1 ativan left and i am saving for an emergency. I wonder if i have a panic attack and go to the ER if thry will rx me something....or lock me up. Lol. Anyways i am hanging in here. Thank u gor the support. It helps more than you know. Im doing yhis on my own and dont really have anyone to talk to.
 
Ok. Well physically I am feeling fine today. But mentally is hard. Fighting the battle of I need something to get thru the busy day. The idea of going thru a day sober gives me much anxiety. It's all in my head I know. I'm going to go talk to a friend who supports me. And I'm taking my kids to a play so that will distract me. I wish I'd never taken that first pill all those years ago. Ah if only. Onward with the battle...
 
Hi MomGOTS,

Hope you are still hanging in there. It's tough as you know it stick it through.

I am ashamed to say I didn't make it through the week I specifically took off work to get clean. I made it to day 4. And my dumb self s decided to take half a 80mg OP to take the edge off. That was enough to rock the boat and although it didn't send me off into oblivion. I did start to use half an 80mg OP everyday for the last week. Sigh. It put me right back to day one. This week I went almost 36 hours without and went right back into the wd symptoms.

I felt so bad I went to the clinic. I wasn't sure at the time if I was going to do methadone which they are running a "special" the first 30 days of treatment is only $40 for the 1st month. Assessment fee is waived for new people. Or the subs which has an assessment fee and no special on the dosing. They only take new people 2 days a week. I went on the new people day but the doc had to leave early that morning so I was out of luck. So I made the over an hour drive home. I got some immodium because I have read about that helping. I only took 5 of the 2mg pills. I did sleep for bout an hour after that. But, the 10mg of immodium wasn't enough. So I'm back to using. But only doing the OP's not IR roxys. Not that it's any better.
I've only been doing enough to keep the wd at bay not to get a high.

I've decided that I'm going to go the sub route as I've seem to have read more positive stories about subs than the methadone. My man has been on the done for over 2 years and when he misses a dose the following night he seems to be more uncomfortable than I am when I tried to cold turkey last week. He even says himself that he wished he rather do the suboxone.

I've told him that I want to be 100% clean and that he has to be too. Im not talking about him quitting the done. Just the other shit he does on top of the done. With the ultimate goal of coming off of the done eventually as well.

I am prepared to walk away from the relationship if he does not get clean from everything other than the done. Even if I have to go live with family until I can get on my feet.

Hope all is well with everyone out there fighting the fight.
 
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