Opening up to my parents

It's something i've wanted to do for awhile now but something is holding me back. Personally for me I see a male as someone who is ment to be strong and powerful and not someone that is weak. I guess my biggest fear with opening up to my dad about the pain I went through when I grew up and how i'm now suffering from severe depression is showing him that I am weak, i've got a problem and need help.

I know he will stick by me and always be there for me, at the end of the day he is my family and thats what family is there for. By opening up to him I know he will think he is somewhat responsible and think he has failed as a father. I know he did his best and I don't hold him resposible at all for how I turned out. As a father I see him as a role model and I do really love him and think he is a great dad. I just don't want to put him through my bullshit but at the same extent I also need the support from my family.

Often I wonder what would of happened if I said something when I was younger. What would of happened if I told him that I was getting bullied, teased and picked on. Maybe things would be different. Maybe I wouldn't be such a mess. Maybe I would of went better in school. Maybe id have a loving wife by now and a job I actually like.

So many ifs but whats the point. It's history and it can't be changed yet I still beat myself up about it daily. I can't let go. I can't stop thinking what would of happened if I expressed my emotions and feelings. I'm fairly certain I would of turned out as someone who is out going, social, have a wife and a job I actually like. I guess im still young and can still change the future for the better but for some reason I can't make the leap of faith.

Something is holding me back deep down inside and I can't seem to pin point what it is. Is it because I can't let go of the past? Is it because i'm scared of failing my dreams and ambitions? Is it because im lazy? Is it because i've been depressed most of my life? Why the fuck can't I figure this out, it frustrates the hell out me. It's tearing me apart both emotionally and physically.

I'm so confused on what to do. I know if I don't open up, it will be alot harder to recover without the support of my family but if I open up I know my dad will think he is some what responsible. Maybe I should speak to his girlfriend first for advice and get her opinion on the situation. Personally for me I find it alot easier to open up to the opposite sex. I'm not to sure why but for some reason I think females are more caring, supportive, understanding and don't mind showing affection. I know a male is still capable of these things but for some reason it just seems weird to me to open up to a male.

I also wonder how am I going to do it without shocking and worrying my parents to much. Do I tell them everything or only the parts I want them to know. Do I admit my self medicating with illicit substances? So many things to think about and figure out. Im so fucking confused and its driving me up the wall, doing my head in. I feel completely helpless, lost and i'm not sure on what the best plan of attack is.

If anyone reads this, this is my friest serious blog entry, wouldnt mind some feedback and/or advice.

Thanks Romie

 

Romie,

I was in an almost identical situation, so close to yours it sort of scares me.

You are right, they will be hurt and most likely will feel like they failed, but they would much rather see you happy. Think about it like this, lets say (god forbid) you committed suicide, they would think 'wow, we really failed if our son couldn't come to us in the darkest of times'

Regarding 'the male is someone who is meant to be strong'

Yes, in a way thats true, at least, thats whats "expected" but EVERYONE needs help, and sometimes we can't do it on our own.

We all wonder and beat ourselves up about the 'what-ifs' and there is a very simple solution to that...Everything, not most things, EVERYTHING happens for a reason.

Remember--The first step to helping yourself is admitting you have a problem, why not admit it to your parents?

 

Romie- I am glad you have started a blog on BL
I saw your 'blogs' thread in TDS and was hoping after someone had suggested BL blogs, you would consider it

Sometimes it is very scary to open up to your parents-
They are usually the 2 people you fear disappointing most.
But most of the time they are the 2 people who will love you no matter what........
If you feel you need their support, open up to them.
On what to say and what to leave out, that is all up to what you feel comfortable with. You may want to go into it with a plan, but make it a flexible one.
If they seem to be receptive, you can always add in as you see fit.......

For me, opening up to my parents about some things, left me with pain at the time-
BUT I am glad I did.
Their reactions and their support (or lack there of) made me who I am today.
And it does weigh heavy on your mind when you are keeping something from the people you love......
Keep us updated! Lots of Luck!!

 

^ Always hard to follow a post by you! Wise words ocean.

It is hard to make the first step, but in the end it is almost always for the better. We regret more the things that we never did than the things that we did. Oh, and the whole 'men have to be strong, stoic rocks' is BS. We experience emotion just as much as women, and there is no shame whatsoever in asking for help or even just venting emotions. Just because you have a wang doesn't mean that you should have to bottle yourself up.

Welcome to Blogs Romie, we're glad to have you and I know that I'll be looking forward to reading more of your entries. Best of luck to you, and take care.

 

Thanks for all the support its nice to feel not alone for a change. I will definately be telling them within the next couple of weeks. I Have a shrink appointment next wendesday so ill wait until then so I can speak to my shrink about it and maybe roleplay the sceneario with her to help me figure out a plan of attack.

Thanks Bluelight

 

Romie, your plan sounds good.

I'm sorry you had to go through all of that pain as a child and how it still affects you a lot. It's the same with me.
At some point I had to let my parents know, so I could get help. I'm still getting help but I do feel better than I did, say, a year ago.

Good luck.