here i am doing work with this stupid tv show on in the back ground. Farmer Wants a Wife.
It's a show about a bunch of single girls who meet single farmers and try to find happiness, blah blah blah.
these types of shows make me sad. all i think about is the relationship with someone who meant so much to me, the relationship i managed to destroy so well due to my own actions and stupidity.
dumb fuck huh. was so confused and scared. but really there was nothing to be scared off except happiness. we all want to be happy, me included. but it seems when i find a shot at happiness the first thing i do is try and destroy it. it seems like i lack such belief and faith that i would rather destroy any chance at happiness than be lead down the road to happiness only to find out half way that it was bullshit. save myself the disappointment and heart arch and destroy it before i even give it a chance.
ahh shit hey. what can you do? i can't change what happened or how i went about things. i guess all i can do is try and take this mistake and make sure i never make it again. put it down as a 'life experience'. that's all i can do i guess... but that doesn't stop the pain i get when i think about her, our relationship.. it was the best bond i had ever had with anyone.
anyway, maybe i'll save the details for another time when i have the energy to revisit all the feelings that continue to exhaust me.
you try and move on, learn from what has been done, but you can only out smart your brain so much.. there will always be those scarred feelings left behind and sometimes you'll see something or hear something that will remind you what you've lost, and what you could have/should have done differently.
there's a part of me that says what's the point in learning from your mistake if the one person you want to show how sorry and regretful you are, doesn't want to know you or talk or see you.
i guess all you can do is take a step back, smell the roses and try and appreciate the things that you do still have, because you can rest assured no matter how upset or exhausted or unhappy you feel at this point in time, there are probably millions of other people out there that are worse off than you, yet still manage to find a way to smile.
this is life. this is it. the sun rises and the sun sets every single day. it don't stop for no one. so every minute you're sitting there feeling sorry for yourself is a minute of life you've wasted. find a way to move forward and if you can't, keep trying because those who never give up will be rewarded. those who do don't deserve it anyway.
i miss you girl. more than you'll ever allow yourself to believe or accept.
It's a show about a bunch of single girls who meet single farmers and try to find happiness, blah blah blah.
these types of shows make me sad. all i think about is the relationship with someone who meant so much to me, the relationship i managed to destroy so well due to my own actions and stupidity.
dumb fuck huh. was so confused and scared. but really there was nothing to be scared off except happiness. we all want to be happy, me included. but it seems when i find a shot at happiness the first thing i do is try and destroy it. it seems like i lack such belief and faith that i would rather destroy any chance at happiness than be lead down the road to happiness only to find out half way that it was bullshit. save myself the disappointment and heart arch and destroy it before i even give it a chance.
ahh shit hey. what can you do? i can't change what happened or how i went about things. i guess all i can do is try and take this mistake and make sure i never make it again. put it down as a 'life experience'. that's all i can do i guess... but that doesn't stop the pain i get when i think about her, our relationship.. it was the best bond i had ever had with anyone.
anyway, maybe i'll save the details for another time when i have the energy to revisit all the feelings that continue to exhaust me.
you try and move on, learn from what has been done, but you can only out smart your brain so much.. there will always be those scarred feelings left behind and sometimes you'll see something or hear something that will remind you what you've lost, and what you could have/should have done differently.
there's a part of me that says what's the point in learning from your mistake if the one person you want to show how sorry and regretful you are, doesn't want to know you or talk or see you.
i guess all you can do is take a step back, smell the roses and try and appreciate the things that you do still have, because you can rest assured no matter how upset or exhausted or unhappy you feel at this point in time, there are probably millions of other people out there that are worse off than you, yet still manage to find a way to smile.
this is life. this is it. the sun rises and the sun sets every single day. it don't stop for no one. so every minute you're sitting there feeling sorry for yourself is a minute of life you've wasted. find a way to move forward and if you can't, keep trying because those who never give up will be rewarded. those who do don't deserve it anyway.
i miss you girl. more than you'll ever allow yourself to believe or accept.