EverythingsEventual
Ex-Bluelighter
Here's some stuff I wrote under my old screen name, back in 2002 
Clubbing...
Can't shake the feeling from my back
Hairs stand up on the back of my neck
Hearing songs in a euphoric phase
Looking back - can't remember quite what they were
Hugging friends, hugged back
Strange paranoia sometimes as I danced
On top of speakers
On chairs
Strange world, strange times
Don't want to leave it behind
Meeting the love of my life
Losing him
Taking the first love drug and swallowing it whole
Overwhelmed by the feelings inside of me
Laughing like a mad woman as I run up and down the floor
Watching people holding hands
Locked at the lips
Held at the hips
Unable to see through a cloudy grey of smoke
The smell of alcohol, cigarettes, perfume and sometimes dope
Still invades my nostrils and veins
Still the music and the atmosphere assaults my head
Sends a shiver down my spine
No recollection of what happened when the euphoria hit me
Apart from smiles
I miss that now
It's not the same
Although it's all gone
Replaced by something commercial
Where we with our love drugs and big hugs
Are no longer meant to be part of the scene
And when we see the club
It is only in our dreams
Jealousy...
Rages inside me like a burning fire all consuming
Swirls round my head like a tornado all destroying
Burns a hole in my heart like a cigarette burning a hole in my jeans
Laughs when I try to break free like a prisoner of war
Screams your name when I question it
Grips harder to me when I try to let go of you
Paranoia...
Like a ghost it appears in the dark of night
Only ghosts sometimes leave at the break of dawn
But this creepy fear still follows me
I can't leave the house until it's gone
A prickle of scalp and tingle of spine
Hurts to breathe so deeply but
I'm hyperventilating maybe I'll die
Or perhaps it's just paranoia again
Frustrating tears as I run back to the house
The only safe place is my bed
Except when I sleep I have dreams
Dreams which are dark and twisted
My eyes blur and legs go weak
I've never felt this alone before
I have to lie to my family and lie to my friends
I feel like I'm a bad person for doing this
Cold knot tightens in my stomach
Heart rate peaks as I stare blindly, wildly
Want to scream but can't pluck up the courage
So I breathe far too deeply instead
This is my payback for all of the times
That I've been selfish and that I have lied
That I've done bad things that I should not do
Now I've only gone and let everyone down again
It usually ends, paranoia always does
But there's always the warning sign
What if it comes back again
Next time I might not be so lucky
Distrust of family
Misuse of friends
Distrust of myself
Misuse of drugs
That's paranoia.
God, you can tell I was really into my pillz n stuff then!!!
8)
Clubbing...
Can't shake the feeling from my back
Hairs stand up on the back of my neck
Hearing songs in a euphoric phase
Looking back - can't remember quite what they were
Hugging friends, hugged back
Strange paranoia sometimes as I danced
On top of speakers
On chairs
Strange world, strange times
Don't want to leave it behind
Meeting the love of my life
Losing him
Taking the first love drug and swallowing it whole
Overwhelmed by the feelings inside of me
Laughing like a mad woman as I run up and down the floor
Watching people holding hands
Locked at the lips
Held at the hips
Unable to see through a cloudy grey of smoke
The smell of alcohol, cigarettes, perfume and sometimes dope
Still invades my nostrils and veins
Still the music and the atmosphere assaults my head
Sends a shiver down my spine
No recollection of what happened when the euphoria hit me
Apart from smiles
I miss that now
It's not the same
Although it's all gone
Replaced by something commercial
Where we with our love drugs and big hugs
Are no longer meant to be part of the scene
And when we see the club
It is only in our dreams
Jealousy...
Rages inside me like a burning fire all consuming
Swirls round my head like a tornado all destroying
Burns a hole in my heart like a cigarette burning a hole in my jeans
Laughs when I try to break free like a prisoner of war
Screams your name when I question it
Grips harder to me when I try to let go of you
Paranoia...
Like a ghost it appears in the dark of night
Only ghosts sometimes leave at the break of dawn
But this creepy fear still follows me
I can't leave the house until it's gone
A prickle of scalp and tingle of spine
Hurts to breathe so deeply but
I'm hyperventilating maybe I'll die
Or perhaps it's just paranoia again
Frustrating tears as I run back to the house
The only safe place is my bed
Except when I sleep I have dreams
Dreams which are dark and twisted
My eyes blur and legs go weak
I've never felt this alone before
I have to lie to my family and lie to my friends
I feel like I'm a bad person for doing this
Cold knot tightens in my stomach
Heart rate peaks as I stare blindly, wildly
Want to scream but can't pluck up the courage
So I breathe far too deeply instead
This is my payback for all of the times
That I've been selfish and that I have lied
That I've done bad things that I should not do
Now I've only gone and let everyone down again
It usually ends, paranoia always does
But there's always the warning sign
What if it comes back again
Next time I might not be so lucky
Distrust of family
Misuse of friends
Distrust of myself
Misuse of drugs
That's paranoia.
God, you can tell I was really into my pillz n stuff then!!!
8)
