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Old friends wont touch me with a ten foot pole now due to bad drug episodes

W

washingtonbound

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 19, 2013
Messages
572
Location
FL
As the title states, I have basically isolated myself entirely due to several very bad episodes after using drugs, particularly psychedelics. It really is quite sad. Two of my very best friends from high school won't go anywhere near me now, as well as many other casual friends. Recently I was looking over some shit I wrote while in these states, and even some old videos and it was really quite sickening. I don't blame anyone for wanting nothing to do with me. Basically I dealt with psychosis for years after abusing LSD and other psychedelics/dissociatives, to the point where people really had no idea what kind of bullshit I'd be on next. You would hope that people would remember the good times, and be more forgiving, but I have been completely left on my own. My own fault though.
 
December Flower said:
That is indeed your fault. But just because you made a mistake/mistakes, doesn't mean your friends won't forgive you. Just give it some time. Show them that you feel sorry for what you did, try to make up for it, even if just a little
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It's not necessarily like I did particularly awful things to them, like being violent, saying nasty shit, etc, but just acting like a total dipshit who never seemed to mature into an adult. About as infantile as possible. And nobody wants to be around that. I also think people would be worried about: "what's crazy Reed gonna do now," even if I may have been somewhat normal at the time.
 
December Flower said:
That is indeed your fault. But just because you made a mistake/mistakes, doesn't mean your friends won't forgive you. Just give it some time. Show them that you feel sorry for what you did, try to make up for it, even if just a little
Click to expand...
But also, the disturbing/sad thing is that none of them have spoken to me for literally over five years, not a peep whatsoever. I ran into one at a fourth of July party for the first time in a long while, you could tell he was real uncomfortable seeing me. I said: "you have the same number? maybe we could catch up sometime." He said "yea sure" real awkwardly, and when I hit him up, nothing. Just kinda depressing, he was my best friend in high school.
 
What are you asking them to be forgiving of? You keep being vague on that which gives me this impression you’d like to just forget about it but maybe they don’t..

-GC
 
if you care so much tell them sorry but it seems you are more attached to the old memories of the good time spent with them, which is nice and normal but everything moves on and judging from their behaviour you should move on too.

ps if you don't mind telling how old are you?
 
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I agree with what other people have said in this thread. Have you attempted to tell your old friends that you quit the drugs and have changed since then? Maybe they need reassurance that you won't fall back into your old ways. Have you quit the drugs and have you changed? If not, maybe this should be your wake up call to do just that.

Besides, I literally don't talk to anyone I went to high school with. They all married and started families and I never did. Most people's wives frown upon their husbands having single/unmarried friends. Shitty but true. Like @bingey said, now may be the time to start making new friends.

The friends I made in college lasted longer than my high school friends but we all moved to different cities so distance became a factor. Now I've become used to making friends with people I work with. This has served me well over that past 10 years or so.
 
G_Chem said:
What are you asking them to be forgiving of? You keep being vague on that which gives me this impression you’d like to just forget about it but maybe they don’t..

-GC
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Just to be forgiving of the fact that I acted in a disgusting manner when psychotic, not necessarily doing anything directly to them but being extremely unpleasant to be around talking about bizarre conspiracies that made no sense, walking around town making bizarre gestures and taking to myself, irritating people with my hyperactivity, and just being as obnoxious as possible. I suppose I wish they remembered the good times, particularly my best friend from high school.
 
wirkdy said:
if you care so much tell them sorry but it seems you are more attached to the old memories of the good time spent with them, which is nice and normal but everything moves on and judging from their behaviour you should move on too.

ps if you don't mind telling how old are you?
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27. I suppose I just feel kinda weird saying sorry at this point, because that kinda brings up the unpleasant past and reminds them of it, but idk. They haven't spoken to me since I was 22.
 
washingtonbound said:
27. I suppose I just feel kinda weird saying sorry at this point, because that kinda brings up the unpleasant past and reminds them of it, but idk. They haven't spoken to me since I was 22.
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It might be wise to think about this from more than one perspective.

While your behavior probably had a lot to do with it, people also age quickly in their 20s and friends change. It's completely normal for people to become distanced from good high school friends in their early 20s. Personally there is only 1 person from high school I still talk to and would consider a friend, and we live thousands of miles away at this point and only talk infrequently.

Try to focus on making new ones. It's actually pretty rare for people to maintain such friendships forever.

I am someone who had suffered a similar psychosis which quickly alienated me from everyone else around me. I also deeply empathize and try to help other people in such situations that I meet through BL. It's incredibly difficult to reason with or help then, even with unlimited empathy. It's draining and stressful. Sometimes you just have to create boundaries or cut them off for your own mental health.

I wouldn't focus on divvying up blame in this situation. That's unproductive and ultimately irrelevant unless you continue abusing drugs that put you into psychosis.

Focus on making new friends and get some positive hobbies, try not to beat yourself up too much. Dwelling on the past is no good, but I understand that can be difficult to do. I try to foget about my psychosis as it was quite traumatic and I may even have some level of PTSD from it (resulted in eviction and homelessness for me).

We can heal if we set our minds to it and stay way from the drugs that cause it.
 
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Snafu in the Void said:
It might be wise to think about this from more than one perspective.

While your behavior probably had a lot to do with it, people also age quickly in their 20s and friends change. It's completely normal for people to become distanced from good high school friends in their early 20s. Personally there is only 1 person from high school I still talk to and would consider a friend, and we live thousands of miles away at this point and only talk infrequently.

Try to focus on making new ones. It's actually pretty rare for people to maintain such friendships forever.

I am someone who had suffered a similar psychosis which quickly alienated me from everyone else around me. I also deeply empathize and try to help other people in such situations that I meet through BL. It's incredibly difficult to reason with or help then, even with unlimited empathy. It's draining and stressful. Sometimes you just have to create boundaries or cut them off for your own mental health.

I wouldn't focus on divvying up blame in this situation. That's unproductive and ultimately irrelevant unless you continue abusing drugs that put you into psychosis.

Focus on making new friends and get some positive hobbies, try not to beat yourself up too much. Dwelling on the past is no good, but I understand that can be difficult to do. I try to foget about my psychosis as it was quite traumatic and I may even have some level of PTSD from it (resulted in eviction and homelessness for me).

We can heal if we set our minds to it and stay way from the drugs that cause it.
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Yep I have ptsd from my psychosis, from ending up in jail and psych wards and seeing some very disturbing things
 
Without knowing what happened in your case; people grow up and move on. Maybe they don't want want to be reminded of their own lives at that age, a time that you happened to be a part of.

There are certain people I know who have fond memories of us hanging out when we were teenagers, but I have a difficult time being around them. It's not that I don't like them, or that I dwell on something they did when we were young. It's just awkward when they want to reminisce about old times that actually don't sound all that great to me now.

I can guarantee there's people who don't want to be around me anymore for similar reasons. Maybe they're married, have families, and I know too much about their past.

Move forward, if you're meant to reconnect with those people, you will, but you can't force it and shouldn't dwell on it.
 
FWIW... I really dont have friends other than my wife and a couple vets that I trust with my life.
Time has taught me that friends can not only be a source of being used/abused but also overated in their dependance when in need.
Honestly I have friends on BL that I know are more reliable than those I have around me. Seems that anyone that wants to be friendly that I physically meet only want to drain the life out of me.
I know this may seem an insane outlook but I can make friends easily but expeience has shown that we only create networks that may not be in our best interests.
IMO we should become content with who we are and not rely on others to validate who or what we may or not be.
Be you.
Be true.
I personally love being around those who are "loners" or those who are not accepted by the masses... they seem to me to be more elevavated.
 
washingtonbound said:
As the title states, I have basically isolated myself entirely due to several very bad episodes after using drugs, particularly psychedelics. It really is quite sad. Two of my very best friends from high school won't go anywhere near me now, as well as many other casual friends. Recently I was looking over some shit I wrote while in these states, and even some old videos and it was really quite sickening. I don't blame anyone for wanting nothing to do with me. Basically I dealt with psychosis for years after abusing LSD and other psychedelics/dissociatives, to the point where people really had no idea what kind of bullshit I'd be on next. You would hope that people would remember the good times, and be more forgiving, but I have been completely left on my own. My own fault though.
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PARTLY your own fault ; not ENTIRELY.

I'd always give a real friend second and third and occasionally fourth chances. But then I'm an undersocialized misfit who knows what friendship is worth. While most normal people just shrug and go, 'meh, I can make another less-fucked-up one'.
I feel ya man
 
I feel you man. I have people I was really close with that have all basically moved on with their lives for the most part. It's unfortunate, and it does make me sad. But it is possible to move on. Take it all as something to learn from, and try to see humans in a better light from it. Make new friends, it is possible. Try and branch out into new activities, new social circles, hobbies, whatever it is and you'll start to get some of that missing feeling back.
 
I'm glad to see that you're still alive. Yes this problems maybe 50% them and 50% you but guess who has to step out there and take the largest chunk of responsibility for it? It is you. And I really haven't seen you been able to do that have you been working with a therapist I believe that may help you. Also, and you have to be totally and brutally honest with yourself for this one but there is a thing called secondary gain. You should look that up as I think secondary gain has a huge role in all of this. Again I'm glad to see you're alive and kicking but isn't it time to put your nose to the grindstone and really do some real work on this. Sorry if I went all old grandma Ruth on you here but when you keep doing the same things and getting the same results something has to change and it has to be you. Much luck
 
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