Ok, you guys were right. Using in others company

[Lawless69]

Hey guys i hope everyones having a good Sunday

So straight to the point the pist about my neighbour dealer, where quite a few of you said my daughter would definitely know about my crack use! Im 16 daus clean of H never going back.
A few of you stated my daughter would know and i was silly to think not. (she comes at weekends)
I thought with her spending 95 percent of the time in her room with her boyfriend that she wouldn't know. So this week my brother came to see me i had spent up on crack n had no food in or electric so i admitted to my brother who can kinda understand. Ive had 7 heart attacks an emergency double hesrt bypass at the end of feb this year where i died twice during surgery. I have heart disease and for about 10 years now and unstable angina. Im not stupid and my surgeon has told me should i have another theres not much more they can do to save me and if that doesn't tske me heart disease will. AT 36 how do u accept your going to die young not see your beautiful daughter grow get married have kids. Just eternal nothingness. Such a scary thought hemce me dealing with it using drugs.
So yesterday i sat my daughter down admitted that ive been smoking crack explained the reasons like above to my surprise she already knew (yes you guys was right even tho i was adamant she wouldn't have s clue) she took it alot better than expected and can kinda understand why. She has told me she will be supportive and me being scared of eventually being forgot about as life moves on., she told me how she'd NEVER EVER forget me. This upset me once i sat alone thinking. What a grown up sensible girl at nearly 16 years old.

I was adamant almost angry that everyone was saying i was nieve to think she didnt know. Id of put money on her not knowing but she did and to not have to lie and have her support makes things so much easier. Im trying to cut down my use and have to about £50 a day from £100 plus a day.
I didn't want to die and them all find out in death. Its not fair on her!

Imagine goin to sleep at night wondering if it will happen tonight in my sleep il die and not be found for days. At 36 this should not be an issue neither should death be full stop. But unfortunately this is the hand ive been dealt and death is never fsr from the forefront of my mind. I'm just happy its out an people can understand.

Thanks for reading and trying to open my eyes every one lol

 

[deficiT]

I'm glad your daughter was supportive. I think you did the right thing. When you're open about your issues and keep everything above the table, people are more likely to respond positively.

Try your best to cut back on the cocaine. You know it's bad for you but you have to take action. If you're still smoking daily or regularly you might want to check into a treatment center. Sometimes detoxing is the best thing you can do, that and meetings. At minimum you might want to start doing some therapy to handle your substance abuse and any family issues you have.

I wish you the best

 

[Lawless69]

I'm glad your daughter was supportive. I think you did the right thing. When you're open about your issues and keep everything above the table, people are more likely to respond positively.

Try your best to cut back on the cocaine. You know it's bad for you but you have to take action. If you're still smoking daily or regularly you might want to check into a treatment center. Sometimes detoxing is the best thing you can do, that and meetings. At minimum you might want to start doing some therapy to handle your substance abuse and any family issues you have.

I wish you the best

Thank you yeah over the years ive learnt that honesty is the way forward and like youve said your more likey to receive a positive outcome than them finding out and you lying out if your arse, people soon lose respect and are less likely to help you

Yeah it bothers me alot knowing what i know about my cardiac health an the fact that the next pipe could be the straw that breaks the camals back. As we all know when in active addiction we take huge risks and engage in reckless and dangerous behaviour. Its a viscous cycle. Where iam in the uk getting into a rehab or similar is almost impossible unless you have a few thousand spare to pay privately, i have a drug counsellor who got me on methadone scrips and trys to help with everything from drug use to housing, so its down to me an my will power which i know i have as before this relapse i had been clean 17 years from both H and crack not on any substitute an not dabbled once in that 17 year.

 

[Las Veghost grower]

17 years is very impressive, mind me asking what made you break bad again ?

 

[Lawless69]

17 years is very impressive, mind me asking what made you break bad again ?

Yea i never thought id be back here after 17 year it wasn't the slightest issue.

I was a bodybuilder during this time taking alot of steroids competing etc got injured slipped disks put om oxy an fentanyl patches for 2 years i actually came off these but had a taste of opiates n used to buy oramorph alot. Also i was having alot of problems and heart attacks from the years or steroid abuse whiched to an emergency double heart bypass the end of feb this year. It went bad died twice during my viens were like tissue kept tearing from injecting heroin all them years ago was told how they only just managed to save me the surgery was barbaric intensive care for 7 days and being told iam goin to die young n should i have another there's nothing more they can do. Id already got a taste of opiates n had sniffed alot of coke n everything' went out the window upom being told that n here iam