szuko000
Bluelight Crew
So I am finally on subs and off heroin after a good 3 year run with opiates 6 months of daily shooting. It feels great to finally stop stabbing myself and try to move on. It got bad enough that I went down to the clinic for anything I told them I'd take methadone or suboxone whatever it takes to move on. I was recommended for the sub program and started right away. They want me to take 16mg a day but I only take 8mg. In the past I was able to get through about 18 hours on less then 2mg but I was taking tiny amounts so I could still shoot up like 12 hours after I dosed. The 8mg does completely remove the sickness as well as alot of the cravings. The problem with this whole thing is my girlfriend has not quit yet.
I originally went on the program because shit was finally catching up to me. I make like 400 dollars a week and get paid on Thursday. It got to the point that by Saturday I was coming up with ways to get money. I would ask my parents and make up lame reasons. Anyway the girlfriend has not stopped. She keeps coming up with reasons to delay it. She struggles with depression and a large variety of health issues so she uses any one of them as a reason why it cant be today. The reason why I got so many subs was so we could both use my script in the event she cant find a doctor of her own. It upsets me because I know part of her does want to stop but I think shes just not ready to. I did tell her that she can keep going for a little bit as I do understand that you can not force someone to quit and I didnt want to jeopardize our relationship by suddenly getting on the suboxone high horse and acting like i wasnt shooting daily 3 weeks ago.
One of the issues I have with it is it is ruining her life. In the 3 years we have been doing this we have lost all of our friends she isnt capable of holding a job now because shes either sick or the depression from withdrawal and everything makes her too moody. I feel that if she can just get some significant time under her belt we can work on these other issues.
The other problem is I have to buy it for her and shoot her because she cant do either. This has caused me to start smoking crack as it gives me a reason of my own to go out. As hard as it may be to imagine doing the whole thing for her does not give me cravings or make me weak, I know full well that I can not use. It also doesnt cost nearly as much as it use to since its not for 2 anymore.
I guess I posted this for several reasons. I am very proud that this makes week 3 that I have not stabbed myself in an attempt to get high. Also to brag about being able to go through the ritual without feeling tempted. Also to see if anyone has gone through something similar, I know your out there.
But I am so proud of myself for going this long, this is the longest ive been "clean" in 3 years. I dont consider being on 8mg of subs to be clean but its clean enough for now. I do plan on lowering my dose once the g/f is off the D I take the 8 so i cant have any shred of hope of getting high. Once shes off ill drop to 4mg but still get 16mg a day from the clinic
I just love having a lot extra around then i know even if the sky fell i wont be sick for weeks and can come up with a backup plan.
I originally went on the program because shit was finally catching up to me. I make like 400 dollars a week and get paid on Thursday. It got to the point that by Saturday I was coming up with ways to get money. I would ask my parents and make up lame reasons. Anyway the girlfriend has not stopped. She keeps coming up with reasons to delay it. She struggles with depression and a large variety of health issues so she uses any one of them as a reason why it cant be today. The reason why I got so many subs was so we could both use my script in the event she cant find a doctor of her own. It upsets me because I know part of her does want to stop but I think shes just not ready to. I did tell her that she can keep going for a little bit as I do understand that you can not force someone to quit and I didnt want to jeopardize our relationship by suddenly getting on the suboxone high horse and acting like i wasnt shooting daily 3 weeks ago.
One of the issues I have with it is it is ruining her life. In the 3 years we have been doing this we have lost all of our friends she isnt capable of holding a job now because shes either sick or the depression from withdrawal and everything makes her too moody. I feel that if she can just get some significant time under her belt we can work on these other issues.
The other problem is I have to buy it for her and shoot her because she cant do either. This has caused me to start smoking crack as it gives me a reason of my own to go out. As hard as it may be to imagine doing the whole thing for her does not give me cravings or make me weak, I know full well that I can not use. It also doesnt cost nearly as much as it use to since its not for 2 anymore.
I guess I posted this for several reasons. I am very proud that this makes week 3 that I have not stabbed myself in an attempt to get high. Also to brag about being able to go through the ritual without feeling tempted. Also to see if anyone has gone through something similar, I know your out there.
But I am so proud of myself for going this long, this is the longest ive been "clean" in 3 years. I dont consider being on 8mg of subs to be clean but its clean enough for now. I do plan on lowering my dose once the g/f is off the D I take the 8 so i cant have any shred of hope of getting high. Once shes off ill drop to 4mg but still get 16mg a day from the clinic
I just love having a lot extra around then i know even if the sky fell i wont be sick for weeks and can come up with a backup plan.
