Yeah I'll check in here and put my hand up as someone who has relapsed countless times also, been trying to get and stay clean for maybe eight years or so now. I've had periods of success and periods of failure. There have been times when I went to bed each night hoping not to wake up in the morning and there have been periods where I have been very happy and motivated. I have made some good decisions and I have made some bad decisions. That stuff is my truth and gaining acceptance around who I am an what I have done and learning to be ok with that has been massively helpful.
I've been relapsing a lot over the last few months but I'm doing many things better than I used to like eating healthy, communicating with people, socialising, keeping fit etc. I had a long period of relatively clean time and I started to learn how to engage in self-care and become more self-aware and this has lessened the impact of that relapse to some degree. I dont hate myself anymore and rebounding from relapse and seeing a positive pathway is so much easier now.
I guess what I'm trying to communicate is that it doesnt matter how many times you have relapsed, your journey is yours not anyone else's. When I was in that dark place where I just hated myself and couldn't see a way out, and it seems you're feeling a bit like that now. Try to identify the small wins that you can achieve easily that will make you feel good about yourself and provide a foundation and structure that will make it easier to move towards where you want to be. Dont underestimate the value of doing a couple of really small self-care tasks each day....tidy the house, do some laundry, eat healthy, go to the gym, actively communicate with friends etc etc. That stuff makes a MASSIVE difference for me and although things are not perfect now the overall picture is so much better than it used to be, I feel like I'm making progress.
Great post! *****
yes, you must take small victories and be proud of yourself when you get the small wins.
the baby steps forward.
I stick to my prescription pretty good.
This is the first major wipe out in a long time.
it happens.
I need this stuff for chronic pain too.
it is hell otherwise.
that goes to show you how strong that pull is at times.
You have to be your own cheerleader (we will be your cheerleaders too and people to talk to who understand.)
Family is not going to see any improvement for quite awhile,
but, you can improve.
I believe if you do it slowly and give your brain a chance to make other receptors that you can skip the post acute withdrawal.
That is where everyone usually fails.
You need to give your brain a chance of recovery.
That is why I think a small daily prescription could work.
Taper down.
You May be at the point of needing suboxone due to the “Lifestyle” change.
that is up to you.
I am sorry you are going through this. ☹
Eating healthy, music therapy, meditation, aromatherapy, baths with Epsom salts, exercise, making sure you shower and put on nice clothes everyday, keep your environment clean and nice, a change of scenery really helps.
Just a new bedspread or carpet. Some small thing that makes your environment a place you like to be.
Get healthy. Fake it until you make it my friend.
Love you so much!
Do not give up!
Think about getting help from a doctor.
❤
