DexWeedAndMe
Bluelighter
Forewarning: This is going to be really, really long (like, this may be the longest thing ever typed onto BL, seriously). It's a long story in general, and I've taken 70 mg of Adderall. Anyone not interested in reading, feel free to go back. I won't judge (or know, haha) To those who do read, I really, really appreciate your patience, more than you could begin to realize.
Ok, I recently posted a thread in OD about drugs which inhibit orgasm. Those who read it may already know the backstory, to those who don't....
So, my best friend in the universe came back to town from LA for New Years. He picked me up around 2AM on New Years Eve (so, just as New Years Eve had begun) and brought me back to his house. He was having a party that night. New Years Eve goes on, and people begin showing up fairly early that night (around 8PM). Well, these two sisters show up, and the younger one IMMEDIATELY catches my eye. Well, I head back to my town (he lived in the town over from mine before he headed off) with a couple of friends and the girl who'd caught my eye to grab some weed for the party. At some point on the weed trip, she'd gotten cold, so I, in true chivalrous fashion, give her my coat, and proceed to freeze my balls off. Well, we wind up back at his house, and it had completely exploded with people. Like, my mind was blown by the amount of people who had shown up while we were gone.
So, I go off and do my thing for a bit. Smoke some bud with some people (high-grade that ended up getting stolen, along with my only piece), and whatever. The night goes on and I head upstairs to see what's going on. Well, the girl ends up asking me to dance. So I'm like, "Why not?" Of course, this was the dancing which is more reminiscent of vigorous dry-humping. Enjoyed myself with that, for sure. Well, I end up going off afterwards and getting (more) drunk. Some douchebag had shown up and was being kind of a cockblock. I'm generally not an angry person, but this is one of those people that you just look at and become enraged. So, in order to keep myself from disrespecting my friends house and knocking the piss out of this guy, I go and continue to party. Had a really good night.
Wake up the next day, and the chicks are still there. A buddy of mine (for anonymity purposes, he'll be Eric) had come down from out of town and needed a place to stay. Well, my door is always open. I don't currently have a license due to some legal issues in the past (everything is good now, but it's so expensive to take the class, so I'm just waiting a couple months until I turn 19. 10x cheaper, literally ($32 compared to $300) but my dude had a car. So I'm like, "Hey, let's hang with these chicks." So, we do some bullshitting, and wind up finding a party to hit up in my town that night (still Jan. 1st). So, we pick up my friend who had come in from LA, grab a case of Budweiser and go to party. Now, this wasn't really a "party" per se, but a gathering. About 10-15 people drinking, listening to music and socializing. So, we show up, I go around and socialize for a few minutes, the usual.
Now, I'd just met these chicks the night before, but we'd been with them all day, so we'd kinda started to get to know them. I look over to the couch, and see the girl I was interested in sitting there by herself, while everyone (her sister included) was up socializing. So, I go and sit down with her, start up a conversation and whatever. All the while, I'm steadily getting more drunk. She'd said earlier on in the day, "I wanna dance with you again soon. Out of all the people I danced with last night, you were the best." Which was abso-fucking-lutely great, as I'm a skinny white boy with no rhythm whatsoever (or so I thought). Well, there was nothing with an aux plugin with which to put on good grinding music. We'd been listening to the XM music channels on dude's TV. She ends up deciding that the reggae channel was the most suitable for her intended purposes. So, we get up, she starts grinding all up on my junk, I'm quite well enjoying myself, so on and so on. Well, we sit back down on the couch, and I put my arm around her. Was kind of concerned that she might not be about it, but she snuggled up against my chest (which was beyond wonderful. I absolutely love to cuddle.) and we do some more talking.
At some point (by this time I'm fairly intoxicated, so some details are fuzzy, but not others) we start feeling each other up and making out. Someone had cotton candy, and she was feeding it to me with her lips. One of my friends comes over, and we say a few things to each other, and he makes mention of me being a virgin. She's like, "What, you're a virgin? No way?" and I make up some excuse relating to chicks at my old high school being really nasty. The actual reason being, I've had a lot of dental work to be done due to a birth defect from childhood (cleft lip). My teeth used to be really screwy, and it required surgery and braces to fix. Just got the braces off a few months ago, so I'm just now at my full "attractiveness potential." There was also the matter of not having a license, therefore not being able to "wine-and-dine" women (or bring them to my place to do the deed). So, said friend goes on somewhere, and we get back to making out. At some point, she starts going on about "Oh.. If I take your virginity, I'll just feel like such a thief. Fuck." Which was definitely a good sign. Well, I say some things which I'll never remember, then more making out.
Then, the friend who had mentioned me being a virgin, came back over and jokingly insulted me. So I'm like, "Man, can't be letting ya say that. I'm a man, damn it!" and she makes some comment about, "You can't call yourself a man yet, you haven't even had sex!" So I'm like, "Oh, so are you gonna make me a man?" She chuckles and says yes. So, I talk to my friend who'd come in from LA, and ask him if we can head back to his place. He's cool with it, so we leave.
On the ride back, more making out, along with her telling me how we were gonna go back to his place and fuck in the shower, then in the bed. JACKPOT. So, we get back to his place, and head up to the guest bedroom. Lights are off, and she lies down. I lie down next to her, put my arm around her, and wake up. My inebriated, stupid ass had fallen asleep on her. I sleep like a rock too, even sober. Apparently she actually tried jumping on me to wake me up. FML.
So I wake up the next day (Jan 2nd), hating myself. But it doesn't end here. Not by a long shot. I don't really remember what all went down that day (the whole first week of 2013: Party like hell New Years Eve, party New Years Night, a day or two of relative sobriety iirc, a night of 25-B, and a night in which a gallon of vodka went between about 5 people. Hard to keep track of what happened when.) but I do know they left with another friend of mine, and then we met up with them a few hours later at another guys house. She and I cuddle up under a blanket, so I was pretty sure it hadn't just been the alcohol in her system the prior night. We end up taking them home later that day. Then, Jan. 3rd rolls around, and I'm like, "Screw this. I'm remedying my fuckup from the other night." Give 'em a call, "Hey, I've got a bunch of 40's. Wanna come drink with myself and Eric?" They were down. So we go and get 'em.
Now, the prior day, the girl I was interested in (from here onward she'll be referred to by the pseudonym Christina) had missed court, because she was worried about failing her DT. The whole reason she was on court shit was ridiculous anyway. Her parents had filed a petition with the court to have their involvement in disciplining her. She hadn't even done anything illegal (and gotten caught, at least). Her parents just didn't wanna do their damn jobs. Would have rather had the court do it. Which irritates the absolute hell out of me.
So, we're rolling into my town, when I get a call from Mom. "Hey, are you with some girl named Christina?" Me, mentally: "Fuck. I know what this is about." Physically: "Yeahhh, why?" Mom: "Ok, well (don't remember) and anyway, this cop is about to call you. Answer and talk to him." So, I naturally turn my phone off as soon as I get off the phone with Mom. I discuss what we're going to do with them, and we decide to take them home.
So, she ends up getting locked up for like, a week or so, which I find out from her sister. She gets out, and hits me up on FB. "Hey, I'm out. On house arrest for the next 2 months." Well, that sucks, yeah. But I keep on talking to her. She thanks me for being so kind and shit, and tells me how awesome I am. She has literally told me how awesome I am 20 times, easily. Not bragging, by any means, just a semi-important detail to the story. She's a cool ass chick as well, and I tell her that. Well, I ask her if she's starting to get used to house arrest yet. She says she's not, and starts telling me about some suicidal feelings she's been having. How she's always getting used and fucked over by people... stuff like that.
Now, I've always been very good at being an "amateur therapist." Used to be how I tried to get women. I'd think, "Well obviously if I can be there it will show how much I care and good things will happen." That was many, many friendzones ago. Finally got the hint after the last one. Be that as it may, I couldn't just sit there and not use the skills I've gained from helping women I'm interested in with their problems. So we talk. I say some stuff. It helps. She tells me things like, "You're such a wonderful person. I'm so blessed that I've met you. You're a real gem," and "You have managed to brighten my day quicker than anyone, ever. This talk we've had tonight has really changed my life, I feel. Thank you so much, you're such a great guy." Which made me feel awesome. If anyone actually manages to read this far, and has some advice about whether or not I should be worried about getting friendzoned while she's on house arrest, that would be grand.
So, we keep talking and whatever, it's cool, I'm enjoying it. Well, I was texting her tonight, and it was going good. Then, out of the blue, she's like, "Ugh, I'm so fucking angry." Me: "What's wrong? :/" Her: "My folks are talking about taking me back to juvie." Me: "Niggawhaat? Why? Wtf?" Her: "I gotta fucking go they're taking the phone."
Annnnnd, Here I am now, with no clue what's going on. Not even sure if she's still even in the free world. The whole situation is depressing the shit out of me. Because initially, yes, I just wanted to get some ass. "Random chick at a party, really beautiful, obviously interested. A chance to lose the virginity? I'm inserting myself in this girl." But as we've been talking, I've started to develop feelings for her. She's really cool, really beautiful, parties, which is always a plus, and when she was talking about how all these people who were supposed to care have fucked her over, it was like "Why? She doesn't deserve that. She's really great. I wanna be the one to show her that not everybody is a mindless asshole only concerned with their own agenda."
I just think it's completely fucked that the situation has played out as it has. I can't see her, unless I sneak over to her house while her folks are asleep, which could result in both trespassing charges, and contributing to the delinquency of a minor (as I'm almost 19, and we'd likely be drinking or something). With that being said, I'd still risk it (I'm finding out the heart overrules the head, apparently), and have tried. She fell asleep the first night, and her Mom decided she was gonna sleep in the basement (her area) last night. Won't be able to see her, without it being a pain in the ass and me putting myself at risk, for the next 2 months. So much could happen in that time. I could begin to bore her, or get placed in the friendzone, because I feel as though I'm going to have to be doing a lot of my "Dr. DexWeedAndMe" routine, as she's likely gonna stay pretty bummed about how her life is going. There are just so many variables which could end this badly.
The truth is, I've never had a "real" girlfriend, due to the circumstances mentioned some 12,000 paragraphs ago. I'm not an unattractive guy. Just required a lot of work on the teeth while I was younger. I feel as though, had I looked as I do now while I was in High School, and had my license, things would have played out differently. I don't necessarily think I have a bad personality either. I don't think I'm an asshole, or incredibly unintelligent. Those whom I care about, I care about more than words can describe, more than life itself.
Now, this really great girl has appeared in my life, and I care for her. It hurts me deeply to see her having to deal with what she's dealing with, and it scares the hell out of me to know that, over the course of two months, she may lose interest in me. It gives me hope that she tells me how great I am all the time, and that she's blessed to have me in her life, but I have a tendency to over-think things. I'm not looking for pity with this next statement, I promise. I've just been so lonely for so long. All I want is a girl I can call my own; Spend time with, cuddle up and watch a movie with, take out to dinner, and just have by my side as I fall asleep. That would honestly make me so much happier than anything I can begin think of. From the beginning, this situation made me happy. "Gonna get some vag, hooray!" then I started to catch feelings for her, and I'm still happy that she randomly popped into my life. But now that I've started to develop feelings, it's added a whole new dynamic. Ok, so I don't get laid by some random chick I found attractive? That's happened with every attractive girl I've ever been around. Whatever. But I feel as though I have a good chance of a relationship with this girl. Well, if it weren't for this stupid situation, I'd think so. However, as previously stated, so many things can happen in 2 months, and I'm super discouraged now.
Well, that's it. I'm done, finally. If anyone has any input on the situation whatsoever, I would be so much more than happy to have it. I feel somewhat pathetic getting all caught up like this over some chick I've known for only 2 weeks, but, the heart wants what the heart wants, I suppose. Thank you VERY much to those who took the time to read this (if anyone), it means more to this random internet stranger than you could realize, for real.
Ok, I recently posted a thread in OD about drugs which inhibit orgasm. Those who read it may already know the backstory, to those who don't....
So, my best friend in the universe came back to town from LA for New Years. He picked me up around 2AM on New Years Eve (so, just as New Years Eve had begun) and brought me back to his house. He was having a party that night. New Years Eve goes on, and people begin showing up fairly early that night (around 8PM). Well, these two sisters show up, and the younger one IMMEDIATELY catches my eye. Well, I head back to my town (he lived in the town over from mine before he headed off) with a couple of friends and the girl who'd caught my eye to grab some weed for the party. At some point on the weed trip, she'd gotten cold, so I, in true chivalrous fashion, give her my coat, and proceed to freeze my balls off. Well, we wind up back at his house, and it had completely exploded with people. Like, my mind was blown by the amount of people who had shown up while we were gone.
So, I go off and do my thing for a bit. Smoke some bud with some people (high-grade that ended up getting stolen, along with my only piece), and whatever. The night goes on and I head upstairs to see what's going on. Well, the girl ends up asking me to dance. So I'm like, "Why not?" Of course, this was the dancing which is more reminiscent of vigorous dry-humping. Enjoyed myself with that, for sure. Well, I end up going off afterwards and getting (more) drunk. Some douchebag had shown up and was being kind of a cockblock. I'm generally not an angry person, but this is one of those people that you just look at and become enraged. So, in order to keep myself from disrespecting my friends house and knocking the piss out of this guy, I go and continue to party. Had a really good night.
Wake up the next day, and the chicks are still there. A buddy of mine (for anonymity purposes, he'll be Eric) had come down from out of town and needed a place to stay. Well, my door is always open. I don't currently have a license due to some legal issues in the past (everything is good now, but it's so expensive to take the class, so I'm just waiting a couple months until I turn 19. 10x cheaper, literally ($32 compared to $300) but my dude had a car. So I'm like, "Hey, let's hang with these chicks." So, we do some bullshitting, and wind up finding a party to hit up in my town that night (still Jan. 1st). So, we pick up my friend who had come in from LA, grab a case of Budweiser and go to party. Now, this wasn't really a "party" per se, but a gathering. About 10-15 people drinking, listening to music and socializing. So, we show up, I go around and socialize for a few minutes, the usual.
Now, I'd just met these chicks the night before, but we'd been with them all day, so we'd kinda started to get to know them. I look over to the couch, and see the girl I was interested in sitting there by herself, while everyone (her sister included) was up socializing. So, I go and sit down with her, start up a conversation and whatever. All the while, I'm steadily getting more drunk. She'd said earlier on in the day, "I wanna dance with you again soon. Out of all the people I danced with last night, you were the best." Which was abso-fucking-lutely great, as I'm a skinny white boy with no rhythm whatsoever (or so I thought). Well, there was nothing with an aux plugin with which to put on good grinding music. We'd been listening to the XM music channels on dude's TV. She ends up deciding that the reggae channel was the most suitable for her intended purposes. So, we get up, she starts grinding all up on my junk, I'm quite well enjoying myself, so on and so on. Well, we sit back down on the couch, and I put my arm around her. Was kind of concerned that she might not be about it, but she snuggled up against my chest (which was beyond wonderful. I absolutely love to cuddle.) and we do some more talking.
At some point (by this time I'm fairly intoxicated, so some details are fuzzy, but not others) we start feeling each other up and making out. Someone had cotton candy, and she was feeding it to me with her lips. One of my friends comes over, and we say a few things to each other, and he makes mention of me being a virgin. She's like, "What, you're a virgin? No way?" and I make up some excuse relating to chicks at my old high school being really nasty. The actual reason being, I've had a lot of dental work to be done due to a birth defect from childhood (cleft lip). My teeth used to be really screwy, and it required surgery and braces to fix. Just got the braces off a few months ago, so I'm just now at my full "attractiveness potential." There was also the matter of not having a license, therefore not being able to "wine-and-dine" women (or bring them to my place to do the deed). So, said friend goes on somewhere, and we get back to making out. At some point, she starts going on about "Oh.. If I take your virginity, I'll just feel like such a thief. Fuck." Which was definitely a good sign. Well, I say some things which I'll never remember, then more making out.
Then, the friend who had mentioned me being a virgin, came back over and jokingly insulted me. So I'm like, "Man, can't be letting ya say that. I'm a man, damn it!" and she makes some comment about, "You can't call yourself a man yet, you haven't even had sex!" So I'm like, "Oh, so are you gonna make me a man?" She chuckles and says yes. So, I talk to my friend who'd come in from LA, and ask him if we can head back to his place. He's cool with it, so we leave.
On the ride back, more making out, along with her telling me how we were gonna go back to his place and fuck in the shower, then in the bed. JACKPOT. So, we get back to his place, and head up to the guest bedroom. Lights are off, and she lies down. I lie down next to her, put my arm around her, and wake up. My inebriated, stupid ass had fallen asleep on her. I sleep like a rock too, even sober. Apparently she actually tried jumping on me to wake me up. FML.
So I wake up the next day (Jan 2nd), hating myself. But it doesn't end here. Not by a long shot. I don't really remember what all went down that day (the whole first week of 2013: Party like hell New Years Eve, party New Years Night, a day or two of relative sobriety iirc, a night of 25-B, and a night in which a gallon of vodka went between about 5 people. Hard to keep track of what happened when.) but I do know they left with another friend of mine, and then we met up with them a few hours later at another guys house. She and I cuddle up under a blanket, so I was pretty sure it hadn't just been the alcohol in her system the prior night. We end up taking them home later that day. Then, Jan. 3rd rolls around, and I'm like, "Screw this. I'm remedying my fuckup from the other night." Give 'em a call, "Hey, I've got a bunch of 40's. Wanna come drink with myself and Eric?" They were down. So we go and get 'em.
Now, the prior day, the girl I was interested in (from here onward she'll be referred to by the pseudonym Christina) had missed court, because she was worried about failing her DT. The whole reason she was on court shit was ridiculous anyway. Her parents had filed a petition with the court to have their involvement in disciplining her. She hadn't even done anything illegal (and gotten caught, at least). Her parents just didn't wanna do their damn jobs. Would have rather had the court do it. Which irritates the absolute hell out of me.
So, we're rolling into my town, when I get a call from Mom. "Hey, are you with some girl named Christina?" Me, mentally: "Fuck. I know what this is about." Physically: "Yeahhh, why?" Mom: "Ok, well (don't remember) and anyway, this cop is about to call you. Answer and talk to him." So, I naturally turn my phone off as soon as I get off the phone with Mom. I discuss what we're going to do with them, and we decide to take them home.
So, she ends up getting locked up for like, a week or so, which I find out from her sister. She gets out, and hits me up on FB. "Hey, I'm out. On house arrest for the next 2 months." Well, that sucks, yeah. But I keep on talking to her. She thanks me for being so kind and shit, and tells me how awesome I am. She has literally told me how awesome I am 20 times, easily. Not bragging, by any means, just a semi-important detail to the story. She's a cool ass chick as well, and I tell her that. Well, I ask her if she's starting to get used to house arrest yet. She says she's not, and starts telling me about some suicidal feelings she's been having. How she's always getting used and fucked over by people... stuff like that.
Now, I've always been very good at being an "amateur therapist." Used to be how I tried to get women. I'd think, "Well obviously if I can be there it will show how much I care and good things will happen." That was many, many friendzones ago. Finally got the hint after the last one. Be that as it may, I couldn't just sit there and not use the skills I've gained from helping women I'm interested in with their problems. So we talk. I say some stuff. It helps. She tells me things like, "You're such a wonderful person. I'm so blessed that I've met you. You're a real gem," and "You have managed to brighten my day quicker than anyone, ever. This talk we've had tonight has really changed my life, I feel. Thank you so much, you're such a great guy." Which made me feel awesome. If anyone actually manages to read this far, and has some advice about whether or not I should be worried about getting friendzoned while she's on house arrest, that would be grand.
So, we keep talking and whatever, it's cool, I'm enjoying it. Well, I was texting her tonight, and it was going good. Then, out of the blue, she's like, "Ugh, I'm so fucking angry." Me: "What's wrong? :/" Her: "My folks are talking about taking me back to juvie." Me: "Niggawhaat? Why? Wtf?" Her: "I gotta fucking go they're taking the phone."
Annnnnd, Here I am now, with no clue what's going on. Not even sure if she's still even in the free world. The whole situation is depressing the shit out of me. Because initially, yes, I just wanted to get some ass. "Random chick at a party, really beautiful, obviously interested. A chance to lose the virginity? I'm inserting myself in this girl." But as we've been talking, I've started to develop feelings for her. She's really cool, really beautiful, parties, which is always a plus, and when she was talking about how all these people who were supposed to care have fucked her over, it was like "Why? She doesn't deserve that. She's really great. I wanna be the one to show her that not everybody is a mindless asshole only concerned with their own agenda."
I just think it's completely fucked that the situation has played out as it has. I can't see her, unless I sneak over to her house while her folks are asleep, which could result in both trespassing charges, and contributing to the delinquency of a minor (as I'm almost 19, and we'd likely be drinking or something). With that being said, I'd still risk it (I'm finding out the heart overrules the head, apparently), and have tried. She fell asleep the first night, and her Mom decided she was gonna sleep in the basement (her area) last night. Won't be able to see her, without it being a pain in the ass and me putting myself at risk, for the next 2 months. So much could happen in that time. I could begin to bore her, or get placed in the friendzone, because I feel as though I'm going to have to be doing a lot of my "Dr. DexWeedAndMe" routine, as she's likely gonna stay pretty bummed about how her life is going. There are just so many variables which could end this badly.
The truth is, I've never had a "real" girlfriend, due to the circumstances mentioned some 12,000 paragraphs ago. I'm not an unattractive guy. Just required a lot of work on the teeth while I was younger. I feel as though, had I looked as I do now while I was in High School, and had my license, things would have played out differently. I don't necessarily think I have a bad personality either. I don't think I'm an asshole, or incredibly unintelligent. Those whom I care about, I care about more than words can describe, more than life itself.
Now, this really great girl has appeared in my life, and I care for her. It hurts me deeply to see her having to deal with what she's dealing with, and it scares the hell out of me to know that, over the course of two months, she may lose interest in me. It gives me hope that she tells me how great I am all the time, and that she's blessed to have me in her life, but I have a tendency to over-think things. I'm not looking for pity with this next statement, I promise. I've just been so lonely for so long. All I want is a girl I can call my own; Spend time with, cuddle up and watch a movie with, take out to dinner, and just have by my side as I fall asleep. That would honestly make me so much happier than anything I can begin think of. From the beginning, this situation made me happy. "Gonna get some vag, hooray!" then I started to catch feelings for her, and I'm still happy that she randomly popped into my life. But now that I've started to develop feelings, it's added a whole new dynamic. Ok, so I don't get laid by some random chick I found attractive? That's happened with every attractive girl I've ever been around. Whatever. But I feel as though I have a good chance of a relationship with this girl. Well, if it weren't for this stupid situation, I'd think so. However, as previously stated, so many things can happen in 2 months, and I'm super discouraged now.
Well, that's it. I'm done, finally. If anyone has any input on the situation whatsoever, I would be so much more than happy to have it. I feel somewhat pathetic getting all caught up like this over some chick I've known for only 2 weeks, but, the heart wants what the heart wants, I suppose. Thank you VERY much to those who took the time to read this (if anyone), it means more to this random internet stranger than you could realize, for real.
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