^It's great you've got that kind of support.
trip & smoke...thanks so much for the encouragement but I'm ashamed to say I relapsed on heroin
I hardly even know why...I suddenly felt incredibly unstable, got really freaked out I was getting a manic episode from my anti-depressants, took some benzos which didn't calm me down at all and the next best option obviously seemed like gear....fuck. Back to square 1
dont beat your self up.. it does no good and promotes use.. you are not back at square one, you have all that clean time.. please use this as a lesson, what do you need to do to prevent this from happening again.. and please dont shoot your H if you are going to relapse, try and use it another way.. by far the vast majority of my friends that OD did it after a break or on a relapse.. just way to easy to OD.. You haven't lost anything page you are doing great
this shit is hard.. maybe need to include some support you can call when it gets crazy next time.. please look at the cycle of addiction.. it is good to identify were we are at ao we can figure out what we need to do to promote a peaceful existence.
- 1 Short-term gratification
[*]2 Long-term pain
[*]3 Addictive thinking
[*]4 Increased tolerance
[*]5 Loss of control
[*]6 Bio-psycho-social damage
1 SHORT-TERM GRATIFICATION: First there is short-term gratification. You feel good NOW. There is a strong short-term gain that causes you to assume the drug or behavior is good for you.
2 LONG-TERM PAIN AND DYSFUNCTION: The short-term gratification is eventually followed by long-term pain. This pain, part of which is from physical withdrawal, and part of which is from the inability to cope psycho-socially without drugs/alcohol, is the direct consequence of using the addictive chemical/s.
3 ADDICTIVE THINKING: The long-term pain and dysfunction trigger addictive thinking. Addictive thinking begins with obsession and compulsion. Obsession is a continuous thinking about the positive effects of using alcohol and drugs. Compulsion is an irrational urge or craving to use the drug to get the positive effect even though you know it will hurt you in the long run. This leads to denial and rationalization in order to allow continued use. Denial is the inability to recognize there is a problem. Rationalization is blaming other situations and people for problems rather than drug use.
4 INCREASED TOLERANCE: Without your being aware that it is happening, more and more of the drug is required to produce the same effect.
5 LOSS OF CONTROL: The obsession and compulsion become so strong that you cannot think about anything else. Your feelings and emotions become distorted by the compulsion. You become stressed and uncomfortable until finally the urge to use is so strong that you cannot resist it. Once you use the addictive chemicals or the addictive behaviors again, the cycle starts all over.
6 BIO-PSYCHO-SOCIAL DAMAGE: Eventually there is damage to the health of your body (physical health), mind (psychological health), and relationships with other people (social health). As pain and stress get worse, the compulsion to use the addictive drugs or behaviors to get relief from the pain increases. A deadly trap develops. You need addictive use in order to feel good. When you use addictively you damage yourself physically, psychologically, and socially. This damage increases your pain which increases your need for addictive use.
The Cycle of Addiction Is Characterized By:
Recovery Connections characteristics of the addiction cycle
- Frustration and internal pain that leads to anxiety and a demand for relief of these symptoms
- Fantasizing about using alcohol and drugs or behaviors to relieve the uncomfortable symptoms
- Obsessing about using drugs and alcohol and how his or her life will be after the use of substances
- Engaging in the addictive activity, such as using substances to gain relief (acting out)
- Losing control over the behavior
- Developing feelings of remorse, guilt and shame, which lead to feelings of dissatisfaction
- Making a promise or resolve to oneself to stop the behavior or substance use
- After a period of time, the pain returns, and the addict begins to experience the fantasies of using substances again.
This cycle can rotate on a variable basis. For example, binge users rotate through this cycle more slowly. Daily users may rotate through the cycle of addiction daily or several times throughout the day. This cycle can be arrested at any point after the addict or alcoholic makes a decision or is forced to get help. Sometimes, the consequences that arise (legal, financial, medical or social) force the addict or alcoholic to stop using. However, in the absence of outside help, such as alcohol or drug detox followed by addiction treatment help, the substance abuse or addictive behavior is likely to return.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
!
. Today is day 15 and 3? Right? Good stuff right there 
