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October Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v Cool Nights and Falling Leaves

^ That does sound cool. I like spending a lot of time on the design too, but I'm not so good at freehand copies. So, I recently discovered a decent way to get the stencil done with a tack or pin. I print the design out and then wet the paper and lay it directly on the pumpkin. While it's still wet, I cover the piece of paper with cling wrap. This preserves the design as I make punches into it.

I learned that the smaller pumpkins are better for the finer or more detailed designs. This is because the walls are thicker on the larger pumpkins, making the smaller cuts more difficult to see.
 
How is your treatment program? Do you like it? It’s great to hear from you Wolfgang :)
 
Thank you! It has it's good and bad aspects to it but overall I like it. It's been challenging but I have learned from it.

One theme or topic that seems to be big for me this year is abstinence versus maintenance. I'm valuing maintenance over abstinence as I enter and have entered into a state of abstinence in an attempt to be more successful in my recovery process.
 
It’s good you seem to be realizing that maintenance and abstience are not necessarily mutually exclusive like so many try to make pretend. It’s all how the medications are used. What kind of maintenance program are you thinking of?
 
Ideally I am looking for a maintenance program without the use of medication. I've already cut out all opioids and I drink alcohol only very occasionally so there isn't a need for any of the traditional maintenance meds. I am currently stable on regular small amounts of marijuana and looking to stop that completely in the near future. I'm sure I will spend a good deal of time re-learning activities, sober, as I head into the world of dealing with (more) sober emotions. I will spend more time at AA/NA/MA meetings as a way to supplement my maintenance. The use of meditation and physical activities will be a go-to during trying times. Mindfulness is and will be at the forefront of my activities if I am to have any success.
 
It sounds like you have a good plan. For sure the more resources you can devote to this the better chance you’ll have. There is something to be said for balancing work and play, so to speak, but it doesn’t sound like your plan is unreasonable at all.

I started a buprenorphine based outpatient program after detoxing myself years ago and had a really positive experience for the most part. If anything it was more effective starting buprenorphine after I’d detoxed already.

I’d highly recommend a program that integrated IOP with maintenance. Of course, eventually I discovered methadone was more appropriate for me, but if you’re already feeling pretty stabile you might want to look into buprenorphine. Have you had much experience with buprenorphine or methadone?
 
Methadone was the first opioid I tried about 20 years ago. It turned me on to some other opiates eventually morphine and heroin which I haven't touched now for over 4 years. Kratom was the last opioid I used, which was much earlier this year, so I have a good chunk of clean time under my belt. I would consider taking maintenance medication if I were to relapse, but as it stands now I believe I have a good chance at recovery without going that route.

*fingers crossed*
 
Gotcha, I was a little confused about what your immediate plans were. It’s good to have a plan if there is a lapse or relapse, and it definitely sounds like you’re moving in the right direction in terms of your present efforts with recovery. What kind of support do you have right now? I forget, are you currently in a treatment program?
 
I really fucked up this week guys. Spent 300 dollars on cocaine throughout the week that I shouldn't have been spending at all, and was also drinking throughout, even at work(and doing the blow), which could easily result in my termination. I also came super close to getting in trouble with the law a couple nights ago. Super lucky I was.

So anyway I'm out of coke and still coming down from the night's use, just drinking a little bit and feeling ten times better since I smoke a little hit of this weed I bought.(no tolerance, pretty damn high off that) I'm gonna use the weekend to come off this alcohol(the coke too, but that's no worries it's coming off the ethanol that I fucking hate. So yeah, I'm feeling pretty grateful that nothing too fucked up occured, other than losing that money. And that's why I hate having a dealer at my workplace who also will front until payday.

It's fucking hard for me to resist, I'll do it for awhile, but as soon as I slip up and start drinking again, bam, I'm buying drugs. I realize why addicts commit suicide now, It's so fucking depressing and discouraging trying time and time again to stay clean/sober, only to fuck up every time. I had 35 days a couple months ago, which is the most I've ever had on my own without going to rehab. But I walways get to restless/bored and end up lapsing. Usually it's only or like a couple days unlike this time, then I go right back. I feel so healthy when I'm clean/sober, I eat so much, weightlift a good bit, take whey protein and a bunch of supplements, go for runs, play my guitar, all kinds of stuff. When I get to drinking/using I barely do any of that stuff.

So anyway, I didn't mean to make this a monologue, but I'm starting over later today whenever I finally go to sleep and wake up in the afternoon. Hope everyone is doing well, and to those who aren't I hope things get better for you.
 
RDP...Yes, it's a frustrating carousel to be stuck on. But I'm so glad to hear that you made it through the week without any lasting damage (those close-calls with LE are fucking terrifying). Do you feel like you're set up for next week to be different?
 
tired of crap said:
<3 much love during these troubling times Captain.
From my experience work/money issues usually compound personal matters, as Im sure youre aware.
Is there any way you can mitigate the work issue?
Click to expand...

Thanks man. I could get more work, or better paying work. Both seem equally unlikely to occur.
 
Just a shout out to those who are Struggling : sending you positive thoughts/ good energy. Things will improve: just gotta keep clawing your way outta the depths .

As for me, I've fallen sick with some flu-type virus this week (the past 48 hours you do NOT want details about ....) and I'm just now starting to feel a slight amount of 'normal' physical strength returning. I don't dare Eat.

Amazing to find October's almost shot .... 3/4 done for already.
My tianeptine arrived ; since I'm sick i will wait until 'well' to try it (at recommended dose of 25mg capsule 2x daily).
Here's hoping I can get a leg-up on seasonal depression.

I had jury duty this week; trial got postponed so it was a Wash. I gotta report 3 more times this quarter . Feels weird to think of sitting In Judgment of another..... glad there'll be 12 of us (imagine the life of a Judge! )

Peace n Strength to all BL'ers
 
You have to remember runningfox, most of us are ex-junkies, which means we live to talk about our gross bodily functions, bowel movements, menstrual cycles, and the general workings of the human body. IMO the best thing about recovery, next to people actually trusting me again, is definitely regular bowel movements. The various rhythms of the body can get super funky when opioids are involved.

Thanks for the shout out. I needed it :) and I doubt I’m alone <3
 
Sorry folks, quotes and text keep disappearing when I try to post. Let me try this without quoting...

Pumpkins:
I made the mistake of leaving mine outside and the local squirrels (or as I affectionately call them, tree rats) decided to "help" by chewing holes through them and eating the seeds that I had planned on roasting!

Pooping:
As the late, great Beatle George would say, "Ah well, it'sall jus' part o' the human condition, y'knowwhatimean?"
 
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Well, mine was the first post on here so I figured I'd do one more before we start the November one...

I've actually been really good this past month, and I realized that it's both a blessing and a curse. I've been using relatively small amounts of only a few different substances (alcohol, cannabis & prescription meds), and NEVER when I need to drive anywhere.

Of course it's awesome that I'm not dopesick, hung over or doing anything to humiliate myself, get arrested, etc.

But as my usage declines, so do my withdrawals. And as my withdrawals lessen in intensity, so does the "pink cloud" that follows. Therefore, for the past two months I haven't had that magnificent feeling of reawakening that usually accompanies my newfound sobriety.

On a scale from 1 to 10, I have grown accustomed to usually being either a 0 or 11. Now I've been stuck at 5 for a couple of months.

Best wishes to everyone, and I hope to hear from you all very soon next month! :D

Dreamflyer
 
^
It's a drag when that pink cloud goes away. The last time I quit was the first time I ever experienced it (prior quits were uniformly awful; no pink cloud)...when I started feeling hopeful, that seemed to feed off itself for a couple weeks, making me feel great. And then suddenly, the hope and all the good feelings went away and I was back in the doldrums. My best advice is simply to try not to focus on the future any more than necessary...as always in recovery, it's best to focus on the here and now.

Good luck, Dreamflyer!
 
I had a good month drug wise. Only thing I did was smoke weed 1 time. I've been feeling absolutely miserable but it's not because of drug use.
 
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