*It's funny, how sometimes the most obvious things, aren't really obvious to us.*
I remember how you came into my life...
Not the part of it where we stood at the expo line,
Decked in our red and white stripes,
With our silly hats and "flare",
Flirting with each other and talking about the old days..
But rather, I remember how you came into the part of my life
That had been roped off up until a year and a half ago...
The part of my life that I had closed down, Ride Over,
Indefinitely.
I remember we were sitting at table 30,
Talking about maybe renting some movies and wasting the hours later,
And I remember that for whatever reason I had invented at the time,
We didn't.
I remember how one day I just saw you different,
And ever since then,
No matter how much things have changed,
I never could see you as different as that --
Beautiful -- strong -- honest --
We write all these rules for ourselves every time we get hurt...
Rules that we swear to live by,
So that we won't let ourselves get hurt again.
But i think that when you fall in love with someone,
It becomes a matter of breaking those rules...
Letting down your guard just a little.
Letting whatever happens... happen.
Something about the way you looked at me a long time ago
Made me push all those self-manufactured rules aside,
And allowed me to fall in love with someone
Who i thought could be the only thing i needed to make me happy.
There are times when I feel like you don't see me...
You are just the other person in the room,
Or the other guy whose picture gets more and more faded in my work book.
Sometimes I ache to have you take me into your arms,
So effortlessly, where i fit so perfect...
And sometimes, it feels like that's the last place you want to let me.
I think often about the way it felt, the first time you kissed me,
There on your couch, listening to music, in the middle of the night
And the way the only thing i could feel at the moment, was you next to me.
And how things are so different now...
Its as if kissing me is this chore, that takes so much effort to do,
And that there's never much time for
And what used to be this magnetic field that attracted us to each other,
Is now repelling us.
We used to have all these plans,
And now you just have plans for you...
And my plans are left to fall where they may
And all i can think to myself is,
Why are you just stringing me along like this?
How are you going to rationalize leaving me in a year,
Leaving behind all this,
And all i've looked forward to?
And those are just aspirations anyway, you say,
You don't know what you want to be doing in a year,
But you have this idea in my head
That this might all be for nothing in the end,
And it kills me to even think about it.
I don't know what has been bothering me so much lately
And i think that maybe you just dont want to deal with it,
Because i see you less and less
And our closeness drifts more and more
And i'm tired of trying...
To fit in your life somewhere.
What i want is all these answers,
And all you want to give me,
Is excuses.
Today i realized where we are headed,
And it scares the hell out of me.
I think you're afraid to let me go...
Afraid of what it might do to me,
And so i think that whatever we have/had
Is just going to gradually dissipate,
Over a year? Six months?
Until it is nothing anymore,
Just the way it used to be.
Just how it grew so gradually from nothing,
To something spectacular....
And maybe you dont think that at all
But here i am in the next room
Predicting it in front of my usual audience,
Waiting with baited breadth
For the next sequel in this redundant series
So they can know whether to be relieved,
Or heartbroken for me.
And really...
I'm just waiting too.
I dont know how this ends, or if it will...
but I know that not knowing,
Hurts a lot fucking worse.
I remember how you came into my life...
Not the part of it where we stood at the expo line,
Decked in our red and white stripes,
With our silly hats and "flare",
Flirting with each other and talking about the old days..
But rather, I remember how you came into the part of my life
That had been roped off up until a year and a half ago...
The part of my life that I had closed down, Ride Over,
Indefinitely.
I remember we were sitting at table 30,
Talking about maybe renting some movies and wasting the hours later,
And I remember that for whatever reason I had invented at the time,
We didn't.
I remember how one day I just saw you different,
And ever since then,
No matter how much things have changed,
I never could see you as different as that --
Beautiful -- strong -- honest --
We write all these rules for ourselves every time we get hurt...
Rules that we swear to live by,
So that we won't let ourselves get hurt again.
But i think that when you fall in love with someone,
It becomes a matter of breaking those rules...
Letting down your guard just a little.
Letting whatever happens... happen.
Something about the way you looked at me a long time ago
Made me push all those self-manufactured rules aside,
And allowed me to fall in love with someone
Who i thought could be the only thing i needed to make me happy.
There are times when I feel like you don't see me...
You are just the other person in the room,
Or the other guy whose picture gets more and more faded in my work book.
Sometimes I ache to have you take me into your arms,
So effortlessly, where i fit so perfect...
And sometimes, it feels like that's the last place you want to let me.
I think often about the way it felt, the first time you kissed me,
There on your couch, listening to music, in the middle of the night
And the way the only thing i could feel at the moment, was you next to me.
And how things are so different now...
Its as if kissing me is this chore, that takes so much effort to do,
And that there's never much time for
And what used to be this magnetic field that attracted us to each other,
Is now repelling us.
We used to have all these plans,
And now you just have plans for you...
And my plans are left to fall where they may
And all i can think to myself is,
Why are you just stringing me along like this?
How are you going to rationalize leaving me in a year,
Leaving behind all this,
And all i've looked forward to?
And those are just aspirations anyway, you say,
You don't know what you want to be doing in a year,
But you have this idea in my head
That this might all be for nothing in the end,
And it kills me to even think about it.
I don't know what has been bothering me so much lately
And i think that maybe you just dont want to deal with it,
Because i see you less and less
And our closeness drifts more and more
And i'm tired of trying...
To fit in your life somewhere.
What i want is all these answers,
And all you want to give me,
Is excuses.
Today i realized where we are headed,
And it scares the hell out of me.
I think you're afraid to let me go...
Afraid of what it might do to me,
And so i think that whatever we have/had
Is just going to gradually dissipate,
Over a year? Six months?
Until it is nothing anymore,
Just the way it used to be.
Just how it grew so gradually from nothing,
To something spectacular....
And maybe you dont think that at all
But here i am in the next room
Predicting it in front of my usual audience,
Waiting with baited breadth
For the next sequel in this redundant series
So they can know whether to be relieved,
Or heartbroken for me.
And really...
I'm just waiting too.
I dont know how this ends, or if it will...
but I know that not knowing,
Hurts a lot fucking worse.
