November recovery thread

[Jabberwocky]

How is there not one of these already? I feel like this sub forum has been abandoned. One supposed mod hasn't posted the entire time I've been on here.

I need a recovery thread so amI making one. I'm back to very early days re drug dreams. I even had a crack dream last night, usually its heroin. I was supposed to be going in to my old job and didn't leave til half 11 cos I was busy smoking crack. These dreams are quite distressing. I thought after a year of no hard drugs I'd be free.

How's everyone else doing?

 

[Rio Fantastic]

hahaha chinup, I just started one as well! Great minds think alike, eh? I'll delete mine since yours was first. I'm doing better today. Day 5 on just bupe, the haze is starting to clear. IIRC didn't you have a problem tenant last time you were posting? has that situation been resolved?

 

[somnilicious]

It has definitely been abandoned. I need you 2. I have been hanging out in the psychadelic forum. No mods post here. We should definitely get new mods. You guys know my status from Rio's thread but for others... 5 days and feeling great. I plan on microdosing LSD to combat PAWS and depression. 20yrs of this bullshit and I'm willing to try anything. Keep coming back. You guys are the light in this forum

 

[Jabberwocky]

Glad I'm not the only one who feels its been abandoned. I could have used some more support recently and got nothing, I really considered leaving cos of it so I'm glad ypu two are here to keep.me on here.

November is already better than October. Still tired but had 4 day weekend and that helped. How's everyone getting on?

 

[hotfriesmmm]

Been smoking way to much hash rosin. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. Ive also become addicted to gabapentin which is just weird and lame. I've also started going to the bar again. After a year of not drinking alcohol. I feel like im struggling. I just have no desire to be sober anymore.

 

[somnilicious]

Glad I'm not the only one who feels its been abandoned. I could have used some more support recently and got nothing, I really considered leaving cos of it so I'm glad ypu two are here to keep.me on here.

November is already better than October. Still tired but had 4 day weekend and that helped. How's everyone getting on?

I'm so sorry you needed support and were unable to find it Chin up. I haven't posted much because I'm in my same cycle of doing dope once or twice a week with various other drugs trown in. Hard to be a help to others when you can't help yourself. I honestly don't know if this will ever end. Something has to give.

 

[somnilicious]

Been smoking way to much hash rosin. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. Ive also become addicted to gabapentin which is just weird and lame. I've also started going to the bar again. After a year of not drinking alcohol. I feel like im struggling. I just have no desire to be sober anymore.

Damn Hotfries... That sucks... Been there and know the feeling all to well. Hope things look up. Hang in there.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

This month has been a shitshow for me (practically this whole year) and my mind can't stop thinking of ways to end it. I'm having extreme mood swings ranging from mania to crying spells and suicidal depression and I am having intrusive thoughts of self-injuring even though I don't like hurting myself (I'm a fucking bitch when it comes to pain LOL)

not sure if anyone can relate. My brain is really sick. My mind continually grows closer to death.

Grieving for multiple people this year is really fucking killing me. I met someone yesterday and they said they lost seven people this year and I was like wow. At least someone is going through the same thing. They looked pretty emotionally numb too.

I don't know how we do it.

 

[Jabberwocky]

sorry everyone is having such a hard time.

I've actually had a decent week, I was mentally exhausted by october, but i think i'm recovered. i'm back in my house, on my own, and got my computer sorted out finally (my last one died).

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I'm having an "up swing" and learning to try to take things in stride, remain patient with myself and am acting inward less. I'm making minor improvements. I don't know what changed/snapped.

 

[G_Chem]

No real changes in my use lately for me but fiending like a MF right now.. Glad there’s still some life around here, been in a dark place for the last 6-9mos at least.

Hope the best for all you guys, maybe Thanksgiving will bring some reprieve.

-GC

 

[somnilicious]

No real changes in my use lately for me but fiending like a MF right now.. Glad there’s still some life around here, been in a dark place for the last 6-9mos at least.

Hope the best for all you guys, maybe Thanksgiving will bring some reprieve.

-GC

What substances have you been having problems controlling and what were your main goals?

I had an absolute horrible night last night. It all started when I relapsed into a dope night Fr that bled over into Sat. My friend came over and gave me a line of coke and a tab and a half and I became so nauseous and my body felt toxic. I had already been feeling hints of this feeling from the dope but this was an absolute feeling of having been poisoned. I wound up falling asleep 5 hrs after having tken and the acid in psychadelic exhaustion. It was a horrible feeling I won't soon forget so I have some new resolve.

Gonna start putting the work to have a better December.

 

[G_Chem]

I just wrote a better history review of myself in another thread but essentially I was addicted to heroin IV pretty badly about 10yrs ago. Along with crack/cocaine and alcohol. Got “clean” and went on suboxone which has been a blessing and a curse as I’m sure many of you know.

Been on really low doses most of my time on it, these days I’m on like .875mg or something like that, just under a mg. I’ve been on as low as .5mg for an extended period of time without the cravings I’m feeling now.

Pretty much over the last year or two my attitude seems to have changed.. I could use cocaine sparingly a few times a year, keep it tucked away til the time was right, that went out the window. So I stopped keeping it around obviously..

Next my heroin cravings which were literally non-existent since like a year after stopping dope, came back full force. I feel like I’m fresh off the shit sometimes and I haven’t seen heroin in a decade.

I know it comes down to my life circumstances but unlike the first time, these circumstances are much harder (if not impossible) to change unlike last time.

I’m in pain constantly from some medical shit I got going on, my relationship is rough at times, and I’m supposed to be the rock that my whole crazy family leans on. The thought of sticking a needle in my vein makes my mouth water.

One day at time I guess..

Maybe it was good you took the LSD? I credit psychedelics for keeping me alive this long.

-GC

 

[somnilicious]

I just wrote a better history review of myself in another thread but essentially I was addicted to heroin IV pretty badly about 10yrs ago. Along with crack/cocaine and alcohol. Got “clean” and went on suboxone which has been a blessing and a curse as I’m sure many of you know.

Been on really low doses most of my time on it, these days I’m on like .875mg or something like that, just under a mg. I’ve been on as low as .5mg for an extended period of time without the cravings I’m feeling now.

Pretty much over the last year or two my attitude seems to have changed.. I could use cocaine sparingly a few times a year, keep it tucked away til the time was right, that went out the window. So I stopped keeping it around obviously..

Next my heroin cravings which were literally non-existent since like a year after stopping dope, came back full force. I feel like I’m fresh off the shit sometimes and I haven’t seen heroin in a decade.

I know it comes down to my life circumstances but unlike the first time, these circumstances are much harder (if not impossible) to change unlike last time.

I’m in pain constantly from some medical shit I got going on, my relationship is rough at times, and I’m supposed to be the rock that my whole crazy family leans on. The thought of sticking a needle in my vein makes my mouth water.

One day at time I guess..

Maybe it was good you took the LSD? I credit psychedelics for keeping me alive this long.

-GC

I do think it was good. It may have helped trigger me to purge but it was def the cocaine and whatever they sell as dope that made me feel like shit. I never do coke but I had been doing the dope for the last day and a half. I had probably about a third of a gram and threw it down the toilet. I have never thrown heroin down the the toilet. I then purged a little more and tripped out for the next 5 or 6 hrs. It was a very relaxing couch locked trip. I was very tired, had a lot of closed eyes visuals and then fell asleep... I woke up refreshed.

 

[cj]

Sorry bvb you feel like its been abandoned. I had to step down from being mod. One i haven't been sober in awhile. Two im working full time and i have a gf whos living with me. Three i was burned out especially after stargazer passed. All the death and misery just wore me out over time i guess.

They will replace the mods in due time im sure

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Sorry bvb you feel like its been abandoned. I had to step down from being mod. One i haven't been sober in awhile. Two im working full time and i have a gf whos living with me. Three i was burned out especially after stargazer passed. All the death and misery just wore me out over time i guess.

They will replace the mods in due time im sure

You have a LOT to be proud about man. Just keep things IN CHECK and AT ALL COSTS AVOID HEROIN!!! And you should be OK, I believe. Keep working, keep the gf

 

[Captain.Heroin]

All the death and misery just wore me out over time i guess.

I'm pulling myself out of that after... 3 personal irl losses. I've been "all over the place" (extremely fair assessment) "totally out of it" (extremely fair assessment) "wtf is wrong w/ you" -> "ptsd" -> "oh i'm so sorry" -> "no it's ok, i hate this about myself too *SNIFFLEZ*"...

You're always welcome back bro. I can just take a more active role in WORDS and I'll give you my BIG STICK so you can slap 'em SILLY if they are misbehaving

 

[Jabberwocky]

owww cj i'll be sad to see you go hope you'll still post from time to time.

glad you're feeling better CH, hope it stiicks.

i'm ok. not as cheerful as i was before my life went to shit but can't really complain.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

chinup your well wishes (and everyone else here's too) always keep my chin up, literally and afloat.

I think I'm going to be OK I just have *a lot* to do and it's going to *suck bawls*.

 

[Phoenix_rising]

I've come to the end of buprenorphine maintenance after 7 years. I couldn't wait to get off of it,it was good at first but soon became numbing.

I'm now on kratom and am taking too much. I swapped to kratom over the last 5 weeks to let the buprenorphine get out of my system. The next step is Ibogaine hcl to end my addictions once and for all.

It just all gets so tiring as you get older having to rely on drugs as a crutch.