blackbird1974
Greenlighter
- Joined
- May 30, 2015
- Messages
- 1
Ok here it goes,
I am not a drug user never have been but I have seen the devastation it leaves behind in regards to friends and their loved ones.
The reason as to why I am posting this is I suspect my b/f of 1.5 years is using Meth…I admit to trolling your website in order to gain clarity on this however he does not seem to fit the “Profile” in all areas so to speak.
This will be lengthy and I thank anyone who takes the time to read this and responds, I do appreciate it greatly.
I do not even know where to start, my mind is racing with “All” the times I suspected. I am not a perfect person, I have a quick temper, I do not trust well and am A confessed insomniac.
I guess I will try and produce a timeline, keeping it to a minimum and getting my point across.
Being an insomniac ( Since I was 12) I am now 40 I tend to have spells where I will stay awake for up to 3 days at a time during times of high stress…Well when I met my current b/f I was going through atransition at work that did not allow me to sleep and he was willing to text to me till very late ( Sometimes 4 a.m.) before I literally passed out and then up again at 6:00 for work.
He stated a lot about himself, his imperfections he cheated on the mother of his children back in 2008 and left her and their 3 children for this “Woman” This woman is bi-polar and also a meth addict.
seldom spoke about his ex-wife (Yes he actually married her).
Except to state that she was bi-polar and he tried to help her and he couldn’t so he left.
Well GOOGLE is great at finding out things so I LOOKED HER up and found that she had been busted several times for violation of probation and under the influence and possession * Note a huge 12 person drug bust in 2012*
I also found out through a friend that she was with a big meth addict and dealer since 2012 when they were still married. I approached him about this and he stated he knew but this took a few months for him to admit.
So back to us..He told me early on that he was told by his optometrist that he had never seen pupils like his before that responded slowly, very slowly to light therefore his pupils tended to be dilated often times but not all the time.
Sine I am a tech in a Retina Clinic I know this is not true and these people are usually only certain medications that allow them to dilate slowly but never stay dilated for long periods of time unless there has been irreversible damage to the iris/pupil…
I noticed that his pupils were only dilated sometimes and even then “Not that bad”
So I overlooked it…
Next? His ex wife contacted me via FB and stated mass amounts of threats and garbage after I posted a event we went too and she trolled his page…
I do have a “Point” Along with her harassment? She attached many pictures of them in the past making out and doing things.
I was shocked at first that she would send me these but more so because I almost did not recognize my b/f. He is a tall guy 6’3 and dare I say he was almost chubby in these pictures.
They were dated 2009-2010...
Then some other pictures that look like he dis when I first met him, very thin, painfully thin.
Needless to say she put a strain in our relationship and he would be tight lipped about it and I kept insisting he give me answers.
Last May/June I will never forget my b/f was glued to the TV, he loves Hockey and watches avidly. It was close to the Stanley cup..
I had given him my cold and he was miserable..We were still arguing on and off and then it all came to a head one evening. I felt bad for losing my temper and I resolved to go over there and clean his bathroom which was awful…The shower was dirty and the toilet? There was this smell I cannot explain..It is not urine, it is stronger than urine left in the bathroom for a very long time in 100 degree weather…
So I go over and the door is open as usual in his studio and I go in get set up to clean and he is passed out chin to chest with a beer at his feet.
I make a loud noise so he would wake up, nothing.
I was able to clean the shower with no problem…
I went back into the main room to crack a cold one..and he wakes up and see me..I saw him get up and walk towards me with a look I had never seen before, it was almost scary..I put my hand up to stop him from getting to close and he tries to make out with me…I tell him he must be drunk as he knocked the beer over and I went over to clean it off the rug..
Needless to say he woke up grabbed another beer from the fridge and we were chatting, he coughed in between cigarettes and kept swaying from side to side like trying to loosen up his back I told him to stop that because it seemed weird…
We had sex later that night around 2 then he started coughing again..This was around 3 and I knew it was not going to stop, I gave him cough syrup and started the bath to let the steam relieve his cough…As he was in there and I laid out his clothes this way he could get right into sleep and rest..
I went towards the front door to smoke a cigarette and I saw his phone lying where he was earlier that night when he passed out…I was going to walk away and not look but I couldn’t help myself I KNOW IT WAS wrong…
I am praying to myself that there is nothing there…I see text messages from his then 16 year old daughter, his friend from work and then one from Steven, he never told me about Steven…And what follows left me enraged….
Verbatim…
My b/f- I miss smoking out with you
-Steven- I don’t got none..lol
b/f- I bet if I ate your pussy you would
-Steven-lol I don’t got none and I licked you in every place so don’t get started.
b/f-lol
Steven-lol
Steven- I miss you lying next to me holding me
No response. I am thinking this is when he passed out because it waS ABOUT AN HOUR BEFORE I showed up.
I felt betrayed and nauseated…I stormed in the bathroom and confronted him, he looked at me like he did not know what I was talking about. I stated I was going to call and I did. The person was a WOMAN. She hung up on me. I called again and said “Hello” I asked who she was and how she new my b/f, she stated “Oh please” And hung up..I was livid and yes I destroyed his phone and left.
It was about 4 days after that he contacted me via fb and stated that I needed anger management and there is no girl and that was a former co-worker and he knew I WAS Looking through his phone and he played a trick on me so I could learn a lesson…
I let it go like an idiot but still kept suspecting…
There was still arguments and then moments of complete happiness…As long as I did not ask questions he was happy. He is quiet by nature so me talking is good for him.
But I noticed when I least expected it he would get into his moods where he would be an ass…
I would leave and this would last for 2-3 days.
Around October of last year? I started getting that same nagging feeling. So After one of our huge fights? I went over and let myself in ( I had a key)
I was only going to get my dvd’s I had left over there. I then spied a receipt, it was an old receipt from the new phone he bought to replace the one I destroyed. At the top I saw 4 numbers and thought they were most likely a 4 digit pint to get set up online before resetting his password.
So I tried it…
And sure enough it was, I kept seeing this number over and over, outgoing calls from his phone to this number from early October to current date at the time ( November) As well as texts and multi media.
So I asked him if he was talking to anyone? He stated NO! I asked him again he denied it. I texted him the number? He stated he recognized the number but he did not know the person.
I asked him why he called this number and sent texts and pictures? He stated he was trying to get a hold of his now 17 year old daughter and this number belonged to either a cousin or aunt of her b/f who was at the time serving time in prison and she took his grandaughter over there to visit.
I asked why he would need to contact this woman since his daughter had her own phone? He stated because she wouldn’t answer her phone and he was worried about her. I stated why did you not tell me this? He stated he did not want me to think badly of his daughter. I called BS and then he stated another story …Her phone was broken and this woman was allowing her to use her phone and he was sending her pics of her daughter to show this woman….
I did not buy it because I recalled when we went to dinner with his mother early October? His daughter’s phone was fixed and he made a call to this woman on October 29.3x’s. He denied it all the way though..So I bit the bullet and called the number, the person answered my “Private number” call and it was indeed a woman…
I called again and she let it go to voicemail and it stated “This is Stephanie leave a message and I will call you back” I was so mad I tried to connect the dots to “Steven” So I linked her back through a friend whose husbands an active user and she sent me a picture and I was horrified she was so gross…
I texted this woman and she replied with my b/f is a good guy, he has not and is not cheating on me but if I kept it up he was going to get pissed and leave and I needed to trust if I was to love?
I sent my b/f these texts and he replied with he does not know her and he has never met her and still stuck to the daughter story and why didn’t I ask his daughter…
I was done with it…I asked him to leave my things in the front and I would be by there later to collect.
I drove by at midnight and his car was not there…That made me sick and I did not sleep that night I drove by at 4 am and the car was still not there, I drove by at 6 am and the car was in the back alley…I called in sick due to my working with surgeons and not trusting myself with no sleep.
I drove back by around 9 when I knew he was going to be at work and I walked up to the front and saw tons of cigarettes on the front porch. I allowed myself in and gathered my things then went and looked in the bathroom, I saw his hat in there and his watch, his oh so expensive watch left in there, he never leaves his watch in there period.
I looked in the bedroom? I saw his “Going out pants” laid out carefully on the bed instead of hung up..
I looked through his pockets? And when I “felt it”
My hands started shaking and I felt like throwing up, I felt surreal…
It was wrapped in a Kleenex, a white see through glass pipe, A meth pipe….Used of coursem black resin on the bottom and a clear white coating throughout the shaft.
I text him stating I had found his meth pipe and I would return it to him, he told me to keep it because it was not his he had found it under the passenger seat oh his daughters car when she came over to get her mirror fixed…
He stated he already spoke to her about it and she stated she did not know anything about it and he thought it belonged to her b/f who had gotten out of prison 1 month prior…
Now I know this is where more experienced persons will state what an idiot I am because all the signs were there?
Trust me I confronted him about it. I started looking on websites for signs and it did not add up…
His eyes are not dilated all the time maybe save 3x’s in the past. Often times he is tired all the time and if he sits down he can fall asleep where he sits..I show up right after he gets off work and he seems ok. I have stayed whole weekends over there and they have been “ok”
He sleeps, like a normal person actually better than I DO. He has an appetite..and has gained weight since we met and I cook for him before ? He lived on tacos from Jack in the box.
He does not have ticks, he does not zone out when I am there…
He does not have burn marks on his fingers or legs. His skin is normal, he has good teeth. He even sat there and stated for me to pull his hair out and I did and he stated “When it comes back clean you and I are going to have a discussion “ So I never followed through.
The only things I saw that were suspect was some protein powder that has been there since the day we met and has not been used. And some vites L-Arginine?
He has had some times when he ahs not been able to get it up that was an indicator but he ahs stated that he is turned off because he does not think I want him. It is like we make out and it is good to go, I give him oral and he is straight up but when it comes time for “Penetration”? He can last for 2 minutes then he is limp he tried to cover up for it by trying to go down south and his eyes are not dilated?
This has happened often I will not lie.
He does twirl his lighter around until I mention it and he stops..He is not talkative…doesn’t have twitches but does have numbness and flare ups in his hands but he is a mechanic and has been for 25 years…
The events that happened last weekend? Is what actually made me decide to reach out…
I would love to say this was the first time this has happened but I cannot but never has it been to this degree…
About 2 months ago everything was seemingly fine and we are always in a place between good and fubar..
So we had gone to another city for my sons bday ( He turned 18)
We dropped my son and his friend to skate and then went exploring. We have been in this town before to watch indie films…
I have a eclectic work history. I have worked in the non profit sector for years…I was a transitional housing manager for a womans shelter and useto dealing with dual diagnosis.
I have been employed as a family partner for a mental illness program I HAVE TOLD him my history as well as given him some insight as to what his ex wife was probably going through self medication…
So the day after we went? A Monday? He sends me some text stating that I never loved him, He FEELS he is a involuntary subject in a mental illness monitoring ring and how convenient he wa dating a former counselor. So in essence he was accusing me of being a “Plant” for this mental illness organization that is out to monitor his joe blow ass?
Of course I was blown away by this and stated he was insane and needed help.
So after several hours? He texts me back (I am off of work and so is he) And he states it was an idea for a book and had he told me about it sooner? It would not have been a surprise and what did I think?
I called BS and he stated “I am telling you the truth, I guess I will write a book about nature or insects”
He is back to normal after I see him in persona nd states that it was an idea for a book and sticks to it..
3 weeks ago? We arguing again over the same, deception and lies…
I leave and ask him to fix my car and I will allow him to keep my other car the one I gave him…
He texts me that night and I am knocked out due to the mental wear down and exhaustion of long hours at work and no sleep…
This was before 10 p.m.
I wake up the next morning to texts at 11 asking if I had bought the items needed to fix my car?
Then another text stating we will tell if I show up tomorrow in order for him to check my car..
Another text stating that he has been struggling with a serious illness for several years
The last text stating that he does not know how much longer he has…
I text him and tell him I fell asleep and if he is oka dn he ignores the illness text…
He is a champ and fixes my car and everything is great..
I forgot to mention that the owner of the house whom he lives in the studio behind is selling their home all of a sudden serve him with a 30 day eviction notice..
This was on the 2oth.
I go over and give him advice and ask him to ask the owner for a letter of recommendation, I wrote what he needs to ask and then ask for his phone…
So I can send it…As I have his phone? Again I know it is wrong…I look at browsing history which he usually deletes…I know suspect.
This time it was all there…all apartments for rent, all two bedrooms because he wants us to move in together?
In between apartment hunts? I see personal clicks..He clicked on posts regarding a glory hole and threesomes?
This made me mad, why would you be looking on these sites and in a committed relationship..I was going to keep quiet but this is my life//
I stated what the fuck? He really tried and state that it was me clicking on these posts because he was not looking on there?
That was a wednsday..I did not speak to him Thursday…which is unlike me…I went over there Friday night…He was passed out on the couch, he smelled, he looked dirty….
I stayed for 3 hours, not once did he wake up enough to be lucid…I watched tv and watched him wake up making noises and went right back to sleep…
Saturday was benign…I did not hear from him until 2 a.m. asking me who was in my back yard? He heard whispering who was the guy in my backyard? I replied with I was not like him and I was on the phone with my best friend and smoking a cigarette…
After 2 more paranoid texts? My phone died and I went inside and fell asleep…
When I charged my phone in Sunday I found a picture of a license plate belonging to the man I was supposed to be having an affair with which actually belongs to my neighbors son who was on leave from the airforce…
He stated he heard me whispering to this ghost man that if my bf was to ask him his identity? He was to lie and state he was my cousin? He has a recording?
I stated to him “Go ahead and expose me you cannot expose what isn’t there” That seemed to enrage him…
As I was at the mall watching a movie with the bestie and shopping? I get a text stating the following without me asking anything “Yes (My name) I have a drug problem I had been good for about a year until you didn’t do the little things I asked of you whether you saw them as a big deal or not”Your mistrust triggered me” “You complained about me always falling asleep on you and I thought I know how to fix that” “I know what triggers me” “If I had a solid woman? I would not need them” “I know as twisted and fucked as it sounds that’s the way it is”
I was not about to allow a person to blame their addiction on me..So I stated thus and stated he needed help and how everything all of a sudden made sense..and told him how it made sense mentioning what I have in the long post…
I drove past his house and he was not home…I stated what his plan was? To stay at his dealers? Fuck and smoke? And he threw our relationship away.
He replied several hours later stating “I thought by telling you I used would stop you from texting but here you are?” I told him I would leave him alone..
He replied later by stating “Here I am contemplating my life or if I should exist and you cannot even be honest with me?”
He has tried to kill himself before when he was married to the meth addict…
I stated how he was going to make a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Since then? He has stated he is not a user and he has never cheated ect ect ect…
I am to the point where I do not know what to believe..Maybe I am crazy, maybe his ex wife put him through some shit and he learned how to play the crazy game good…I don’t know…I do not know where to turn..He is still texting me that he is not using that he will buy a text and he will take it and then buy extra ones when I SUSPECT to make me know that he ius not a user….
A bluff? Who the fuck knows..I am lost….
I am not a drug user never have been but I have seen the devastation it leaves behind in regards to friends and their loved ones.
The reason as to why I am posting this is I suspect my b/f of 1.5 years is using Meth…I admit to trolling your website in order to gain clarity on this however he does not seem to fit the “Profile” in all areas so to speak.
This will be lengthy and I thank anyone who takes the time to read this and responds, I do appreciate it greatly.
I do not even know where to start, my mind is racing with “All” the times I suspected. I am not a perfect person, I have a quick temper, I do not trust well and am A confessed insomniac.
I guess I will try and produce a timeline, keeping it to a minimum and getting my point across.
Being an insomniac ( Since I was 12) I am now 40 I tend to have spells where I will stay awake for up to 3 days at a time during times of high stress…Well when I met my current b/f I was going through atransition at work that did not allow me to sleep and he was willing to text to me till very late ( Sometimes 4 a.m.) before I literally passed out and then up again at 6:00 for work.
He stated a lot about himself, his imperfections he cheated on the mother of his children back in 2008 and left her and their 3 children for this “Woman” This woman is bi-polar and also a meth addict.
seldom spoke about his ex-wife (Yes he actually married her).
Except to state that she was bi-polar and he tried to help her and he couldn’t so he left.
Well GOOGLE is great at finding out things so I LOOKED HER up and found that she had been busted several times for violation of probation and under the influence and possession * Note a huge 12 person drug bust in 2012*
I also found out through a friend that she was with a big meth addict and dealer since 2012 when they were still married. I approached him about this and he stated he knew but this took a few months for him to admit.
So back to us..He told me early on that he was told by his optometrist that he had never seen pupils like his before that responded slowly, very slowly to light therefore his pupils tended to be dilated often times but not all the time.
Sine I am a tech in a Retina Clinic I know this is not true and these people are usually only certain medications that allow them to dilate slowly but never stay dilated for long periods of time unless there has been irreversible damage to the iris/pupil…
I noticed that his pupils were only dilated sometimes and even then “Not that bad”
So I overlooked it…
Next? His ex wife contacted me via FB and stated mass amounts of threats and garbage after I posted a event we went too and she trolled his page…
I do have a “Point” Along with her harassment? She attached many pictures of them in the past making out and doing things.
I was shocked at first that she would send me these but more so because I almost did not recognize my b/f. He is a tall guy 6’3 and dare I say he was almost chubby in these pictures.
They were dated 2009-2010...
Then some other pictures that look like he dis when I first met him, very thin, painfully thin.
Needless to say she put a strain in our relationship and he would be tight lipped about it and I kept insisting he give me answers.
Last May/June I will never forget my b/f was glued to the TV, he loves Hockey and watches avidly. It was close to the Stanley cup..
I had given him my cold and he was miserable..We were still arguing on and off and then it all came to a head one evening. I felt bad for losing my temper and I resolved to go over there and clean his bathroom which was awful…The shower was dirty and the toilet? There was this smell I cannot explain..It is not urine, it is stronger than urine left in the bathroom for a very long time in 100 degree weather…
So I go over and the door is open as usual in his studio and I go in get set up to clean and he is passed out chin to chest with a beer at his feet.
I make a loud noise so he would wake up, nothing.
I was able to clean the shower with no problem…
I went back into the main room to crack a cold one..and he wakes up and see me..I saw him get up and walk towards me with a look I had never seen before, it was almost scary..I put my hand up to stop him from getting to close and he tries to make out with me…I tell him he must be drunk as he knocked the beer over and I went over to clean it off the rug..
Needless to say he woke up grabbed another beer from the fridge and we were chatting, he coughed in between cigarettes and kept swaying from side to side like trying to loosen up his back I told him to stop that because it seemed weird…
We had sex later that night around 2 then he started coughing again..This was around 3 and I knew it was not going to stop, I gave him cough syrup and started the bath to let the steam relieve his cough…As he was in there and I laid out his clothes this way he could get right into sleep and rest..
I went towards the front door to smoke a cigarette and I saw his phone lying where he was earlier that night when he passed out…I was going to walk away and not look but I couldn’t help myself I KNOW IT WAS wrong…
I am praying to myself that there is nothing there…I see text messages from his then 16 year old daughter, his friend from work and then one from Steven, he never told me about Steven…And what follows left me enraged….
Verbatim…
My b/f- I miss smoking out with you
-Steven- I don’t got none..lol
b/f- I bet if I ate your pussy you would
-Steven-lol I don’t got none and I licked you in every place so don’t get started.
b/f-lol
Steven-lol
Steven- I miss you lying next to me holding me
No response. I am thinking this is when he passed out because it waS ABOUT AN HOUR BEFORE I showed up.
I felt betrayed and nauseated…I stormed in the bathroom and confronted him, he looked at me like he did not know what I was talking about. I stated I was going to call and I did. The person was a WOMAN. She hung up on me. I called again and said “Hello” I asked who she was and how she new my b/f, she stated “Oh please” And hung up..I was livid and yes I destroyed his phone and left.
It was about 4 days after that he contacted me via fb and stated that I needed anger management and there is no girl and that was a former co-worker and he knew I WAS Looking through his phone and he played a trick on me so I could learn a lesson…
I let it go like an idiot but still kept suspecting…
There was still arguments and then moments of complete happiness…As long as I did not ask questions he was happy. He is quiet by nature so me talking is good for him.
But I noticed when I least expected it he would get into his moods where he would be an ass…
I would leave and this would last for 2-3 days.
Around October of last year? I started getting that same nagging feeling. So After one of our huge fights? I went over and let myself in ( I had a key)
I was only going to get my dvd’s I had left over there. I then spied a receipt, it was an old receipt from the new phone he bought to replace the one I destroyed. At the top I saw 4 numbers and thought they were most likely a 4 digit pint to get set up online before resetting his password.
So I tried it…
And sure enough it was, I kept seeing this number over and over, outgoing calls from his phone to this number from early October to current date at the time ( November) As well as texts and multi media.
So I asked him if he was talking to anyone? He stated NO! I asked him again he denied it. I texted him the number? He stated he recognized the number but he did not know the person.
I asked him why he called this number and sent texts and pictures? He stated he was trying to get a hold of his now 17 year old daughter and this number belonged to either a cousin or aunt of her b/f who was at the time serving time in prison and she took his grandaughter over there to visit.
I asked why he would need to contact this woman since his daughter had her own phone? He stated because she wouldn’t answer her phone and he was worried about her. I stated why did you not tell me this? He stated he did not want me to think badly of his daughter. I called BS and then he stated another story …Her phone was broken and this woman was allowing her to use her phone and he was sending her pics of her daughter to show this woman….
I did not buy it because I recalled when we went to dinner with his mother early October? His daughter’s phone was fixed and he made a call to this woman on October 29.3x’s. He denied it all the way though..So I bit the bullet and called the number, the person answered my “Private number” call and it was indeed a woman…
I called again and she let it go to voicemail and it stated “This is Stephanie leave a message and I will call you back” I was so mad I tried to connect the dots to “Steven” So I linked her back through a friend whose husbands an active user and she sent me a picture and I was horrified she was so gross…
I texted this woman and she replied with my b/f is a good guy, he has not and is not cheating on me but if I kept it up he was going to get pissed and leave and I needed to trust if I was to love?
I sent my b/f these texts and he replied with he does not know her and he has never met her and still stuck to the daughter story and why didn’t I ask his daughter…
I was done with it…I asked him to leave my things in the front and I would be by there later to collect.
I drove by at midnight and his car was not there…That made me sick and I did not sleep that night I drove by at 4 am and the car was still not there, I drove by at 6 am and the car was in the back alley…I called in sick due to my working with surgeons and not trusting myself with no sleep.
I drove back by around 9 when I knew he was going to be at work and I walked up to the front and saw tons of cigarettes on the front porch. I allowed myself in and gathered my things then went and looked in the bathroom, I saw his hat in there and his watch, his oh so expensive watch left in there, he never leaves his watch in there period.
I looked in the bedroom? I saw his “Going out pants” laid out carefully on the bed instead of hung up..
I looked through his pockets? And when I “felt it”
My hands started shaking and I felt like throwing up, I felt surreal…
It was wrapped in a Kleenex, a white see through glass pipe, A meth pipe….Used of coursem black resin on the bottom and a clear white coating throughout the shaft.
I text him stating I had found his meth pipe and I would return it to him, he told me to keep it because it was not his he had found it under the passenger seat oh his daughters car when she came over to get her mirror fixed…
He stated he already spoke to her about it and she stated she did not know anything about it and he thought it belonged to her b/f who had gotten out of prison 1 month prior…
Now I know this is where more experienced persons will state what an idiot I am because all the signs were there?
Trust me I confronted him about it. I started looking on websites for signs and it did not add up…
His eyes are not dilated all the time maybe save 3x’s in the past. Often times he is tired all the time and if he sits down he can fall asleep where he sits..I show up right after he gets off work and he seems ok. I have stayed whole weekends over there and they have been “ok”
He sleeps, like a normal person actually better than I DO. He has an appetite..and has gained weight since we met and I cook for him before ? He lived on tacos from Jack in the box.
He does not have ticks, he does not zone out when I am there…
He does not have burn marks on his fingers or legs. His skin is normal, he has good teeth. He even sat there and stated for me to pull his hair out and I did and he stated “When it comes back clean you and I are going to have a discussion “ So I never followed through.
The only things I saw that were suspect was some protein powder that has been there since the day we met and has not been used. And some vites L-Arginine?
He has had some times when he ahs not been able to get it up that was an indicator but he ahs stated that he is turned off because he does not think I want him. It is like we make out and it is good to go, I give him oral and he is straight up but when it comes time for “Penetration”? He can last for 2 minutes then he is limp he tried to cover up for it by trying to go down south and his eyes are not dilated?
This has happened often I will not lie.
He does twirl his lighter around until I mention it and he stops..He is not talkative…doesn’t have twitches but does have numbness and flare ups in his hands but he is a mechanic and has been for 25 years…
The events that happened last weekend? Is what actually made me decide to reach out…
I would love to say this was the first time this has happened but I cannot but never has it been to this degree…
About 2 months ago everything was seemingly fine and we are always in a place between good and fubar..
So we had gone to another city for my sons bday ( He turned 18)
We dropped my son and his friend to skate and then went exploring. We have been in this town before to watch indie films…
I have a eclectic work history. I have worked in the non profit sector for years…I was a transitional housing manager for a womans shelter and useto dealing with dual diagnosis.
I have been employed as a family partner for a mental illness program I HAVE TOLD him my history as well as given him some insight as to what his ex wife was probably going through self medication…
So the day after we went? A Monday? He sends me some text stating that I never loved him, He FEELS he is a involuntary subject in a mental illness monitoring ring and how convenient he wa dating a former counselor. So in essence he was accusing me of being a “Plant” for this mental illness organization that is out to monitor his joe blow ass?
Of course I was blown away by this and stated he was insane and needed help.
So after several hours? He texts me back (I am off of work and so is he) And he states it was an idea for a book and had he told me about it sooner? It would not have been a surprise and what did I think?
I called BS and he stated “I am telling you the truth, I guess I will write a book about nature or insects”
He is back to normal after I see him in persona nd states that it was an idea for a book and sticks to it..
3 weeks ago? We arguing again over the same, deception and lies…
I leave and ask him to fix my car and I will allow him to keep my other car the one I gave him…
He texts me that night and I am knocked out due to the mental wear down and exhaustion of long hours at work and no sleep…
This was before 10 p.m.
I wake up the next morning to texts at 11 asking if I had bought the items needed to fix my car?
Then another text stating we will tell if I show up tomorrow in order for him to check my car..
Another text stating that he has been struggling with a serious illness for several years
The last text stating that he does not know how much longer he has…
I text him and tell him I fell asleep and if he is oka dn he ignores the illness text…
He is a champ and fixes my car and everything is great..
I forgot to mention that the owner of the house whom he lives in the studio behind is selling their home all of a sudden serve him with a 30 day eviction notice..
This was on the 2oth.
I go over and give him advice and ask him to ask the owner for a letter of recommendation, I wrote what he needs to ask and then ask for his phone…
So I can send it…As I have his phone? Again I know it is wrong…I look at browsing history which he usually deletes…I know suspect.
This time it was all there…all apartments for rent, all two bedrooms because he wants us to move in together?
In between apartment hunts? I see personal clicks..He clicked on posts regarding a glory hole and threesomes?
This made me mad, why would you be looking on these sites and in a committed relationship..I was going to keep quiet but this is my life//
I stated what the fuck? He really tried and state that it was me clicking on these posts because he was not looking on there?
That was a wednsday..I did not speak to him Thursday…which is unlike me…I went over there Friday night…He was passed out on the couch, he smelled, he looked dirty….
I stayed for 3 hours, not once did he wake up enough to be lucid…I watched tv and watched him wake up making noises and went right back to sleep…
Saturday was benign…I did not hear from him until 2 a.m. asking me who was in my back yard? He heard whispering who was the guy in my backyard? I replied with I was not like him and I was on the phone with my best friend and smoking a cigarette…
After 2 more paranoid texts? My phone died and I went inside and fell asleep…
When I charged my phone in Sunday I found a picture of a license plate belonging to the man I was supposed to be having an affair with which actually belongs to my neighbors son who was on leave from the airforce…
He stated he heard me whispering to this ghost man that if my bf was to ask him his identity? He was to lie and state he was my cousin? He has a recording?
I stated to him “Go ahead and expose me you cannot expose what isn’t there” That seemed to enrage him…
As I was at the mall watching a movie with the bestie and shopping? I get a text stating the following without me asking anything “Yes (My name) I have a drug problem I had been good for about a year until you didn’t do the little things I asked of you whether you saw them as a big deal or not”Your mistrust triggered me” “You complained about me always falling asleep on you and I thought I know how to fix that” “I know what triggers me” “If I had a solid woman? I would not need them” “I know as twisted and fucked as it sounds that’s the way it is”
I was not about to allow a person to blame their addiction on me..So I stated thus and stated he needed help and how everything all of a sudden made sense..and told him how it made sense mentioning what I have in the long post…
I drove past his house and he was not home…I stated what his plan was? To stay at his dealers? Fuck and smoke? And he threw our relationship away.
He replied several hours later stating “I thought by telling you I used would stop you from texting but here you are?” I told him I would leave him alone..
He replied later by stating “Here I am contemplating my life or if I should exist and you cannot even be honest with me?”
He has tried to kill himself before when he was married to the meth addict…
I stated how he was going to make a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Since then? He has stated he is not a user and he has never cheated ect ect ect…
I am to the point where I do not know what to believe..Maybe I am crazy, maybe his ex wife put him through some shit and he learned how to play the crazy game good…I don’t know…I do not know where to turn..He is still texting me that he is not using that he will buy a text and he will take it and then buy extra ones when I SUSPECT to make me know that he ius not a user….
A bluff? Who the fuck knows..I am lost….
