llama112
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2010
- Messages
- 4,468
Why don't doctors take me seriously?
I'm not the type that pushes for pills. I've been seeing the same doctor at a walkin clinic for about two years which IS regular for my area (shortage of family doctors).
In short, a list of my issues:
- anxiety every day (social anxiety mostly, GAD as well)
- panic attacks 2-3 times a day. I will faint/black out 3-4 times/week
- mild depression. I say this because sometimes I won't feel depressed but other times I will feel like it's the end of the world. I mean I've self harmed to take away the emotional pain which I'm pretty sure is a sign (I don't SH to die though)
- suicidal. although it is similar to the above, I have literally been to that point more times than I'd like to count. I was at the bridge and called my sister who talked me out of it
- mood issues. I can switch from being the happiest, most optimistic person you'll ever meet to the most depressed just at the flick of a button.
- anger issues. I can go absolutely crazy. I have: cut off half my hair (I have really nice long hair so that's not something I'd do), punchd holes in walls, threw my partner's favourite mug against his wall, smashed plates, ripped a cupboard door off it's hinge, endless thing.
- I can't concentrate on anything unless it's super concetrated (then please don't take me away from it)
- I'm either super passionate about things or I don't gave
- I have absolutely zero energy because my stupid panic attacks wear me out or my meds wear me out
- I can't sleep. For example, I woke up Friday, 6:30 AM for school. Sunday morning I still couldn't sleep. No substances with the exception of a couple drinks of alcohol on Friday night. I just stayed up all night. then my partner had to give me a ton of benzos so I could get to sleep (cuz sleeping pills don't work for me, the non-prescibed ones, for something that bad)
I'm on pregabalin (Lyrica) for anxiety. I also used benzos on occasion.
What am I supposed to do? I'm alienating everyone. I quit my FT job so I could go back to school for a year but now I'm going to be looking for a job again. I can barely deal with my day to day life going to school FT and working PT and how am I supposed to deal with a new job, a new situation? I can't deal with this!!!!
I miss class half the time. I cry during class because I'm an emotional mess. I miss work half the time. I can't do this. It's not me!!!!!
After a year long wait for a psychiatrist referral, it was "see another therapist". I said "I've seen five. each help a bit but I'm still here and desperate". her "well there isn't much else... unless you have panic attacks like three times a day then we'd try clonazepam but that's it" and I'm like "but what about my moods! and my concentration! clonazepam is just the start of that" (although I do think I could benefit from benzo therapy).
"It's all in your mind" and "you can get through it from talk". No. No I can't. I need a combo. I just want help. No one takes me seriously because I can make myself look presentable and honestly probably because I wear pink all the time and it looks cheerful even though I'm suffering on the inside.
I'm not the type that pushes for pills. I've been seeing the same doctor at a walkin clinic for about two years which IS regular for my area (shortage of family doctors).
In short, a list of my issues:
- anxiety every day (social anxiety mostly, GAD as well)
- panic attacks 2-3 times a day. I will faint/black out 3-4 times/week
- mild depression. I say this because sometimes I won't feel depressed but other times I will feel like it's the end of the world. I mean I've self harmed to take away the emotional pain which I'm pretty sure is a sign (I don't SH to die though)
- suicidal. although it is similar to the above, I have literally been to that point more times than I'd like to count. I was at the bridge and called my sister who talked me out of it
- mood issues. I can switch from being the happiest, most optimistic person you'll ever meet to the most depressed just at the flick of a button.
- anger issues. I can go absolutely crazy. I have: cut off half my hair (I have really nice long hair so that's not something I'd do), punchd holes in walls, threw my partner's favourite mug against his wall, smashed plates, ripped a cupboard door off it's hinge, endless thing.
- I can't concentrate on anything unless it's super concetrated (then please don't take me away from it)
- I'm either super passionate about things or I don't gave
- I have absolutely zero energy because my stupid panic attacks wear me out or my meds wear me out
- I can't sleep. For example, I woke up Friday, 6:30 AM for school. Sunday morning I still couldn't sleep. No substances with the exception of a couple drinks of alcohol on Friday night. I just stayed up all night. then my partner had to give me a ton of benzos so I could get to sleep (cuz sleeping pills don't work for me, the non-prescibed ones, for something that bad)
I'm on pregabalin (Lyrica) for anxiety. I also used benzos on occasion.
What am I supposed to do? I'm alienating everyone. I quit my FT job so I could go back to school for a year but now I'm going to be looking for a job again. I can barely deal with my day to day life going to school FT and working PT and how am I supposed to deal with a new job, a new situation? I can't deal with this!!!!
I miss class half the time. I cry during class because I'm an emotional mess. I miss work half the time. I can't do this. It's not me!!!!!
After a year long wait for a psychiatrist referral, it was "see another therapist". I said "I've seen five. each help a bit but I'm still here and desperate". her "well there isn't much else... unless you have panic attacks like three times a day then we'd try clonazepam but that's it" and I'm like "but what about my moods! and my concentration! clonazepam is just the start of that" (although I do think I could benefit from benzo therapy).
"It's all in your mind" and "you can get through it from talk". No. No I can't. I need a combo. I just want help. No one takes me seriously because I can make myself look presentable and honestly probably because I wear pink all the time and it looks cheerful even though I'm suffering on the inside.
I might get an increase in pregabalin but that'll make me MORE tired.
