I really don't know what the point of this post is but I guess I'd like some advice.
I've been in and out of rehab and the 12step programs for about 1.5years now. I'm 19 and at first I didn't want to get clean but through worse and worse drug use the desire was there. I have health insurance so I placed myself into rehab number 5 on April 10th, 2010. I was miserable from using. I had been using everything but my drug of choice which is opiates because I had gotten onto suboxone maintenance. So I was smoking hard, taking e, smoking weed, and taking excessive amounts of xanax. I woke up on April 10th and just decided I was done. So I downed what was left of the xanax(30 pills or so) and headed to treatment. After I got there I was high for about 3 days from all the pills I had taken. So while in treatment I did the deal and didn't really think about drugs. For about 2 weeks my body was getting back to normal so I got my zyprexa dose upped from 5 to 10mg to help me eat/sleep.
Well now at around 2months clean I'm out of rehab and living in a halfway house. At first things were great and I was doing well. Now at about 3 weeks out of rehab I'm having horrible cravings to use. My head is telling me one thing but I'm not sure what to do. Since last time I was getting high I was totally miserable I don't know why I'm wanting to get high. I feel like I'm stuck in a halfway house. I'm from NJ but I've been in Florida for about 1.5years and I feel like I want to go home. I'm not allowed to live with my mother but my dad said he'd take me in. Only problem is hes in the hole as far as money is concerned, so theres no way for him to help me get to the airport to fly up.
I start work in 2 weeks so I guess once I get a check I'll have the freedom to do what I please, whether it be move out of the halfway house and get high or save money for a flight to Jersey. The sad thing is I think I'm going to get high no matter what I do.
/rant
I've been in and out of rehab and the 12step programs for about 1.5years now. I'm 19 and at first I didn't want to get clean but through worse and worse drug use the desire was there. I have health insurance so I placed myself into rehab number 5 on April 10th, 2010. I was miserable from using. I had been using everything but my drug of choice which is opiates because I had gotten onto suboxone maintenance. So I was smoking hard, taking e, smoking weed, and taking excessive amounts of xanax. I woke up on April 10th and just decided I was done. So I downed what was left of the xanax(30 pills or so) and headed to treatment. After I got there I was high for about 3 days from all the pills I had taken. So while in treatment I did the deal and didn't really think about drugs. For about 2 weeks my body was getting back to normal so I got my zyprexa dose upped from 5 to 10mg to help me eat/sleep.
Well now at around 2months clean I'm out of rehab and living in a halfway house. At first things were great and I was doing well. Now at about 3 weeks out of rehab I'm having horrible cravings to use. My head is telling me one thing but I'm not sure what to do. Since last time I was getting high I was totally miserable I don't know why I'm wanting to get high. I feel like I'm stuck in a halfway house. I'm from NJ but I've been in Florida for about 1.5years and I feel like I want to go home. I'm not allowed to live with my mother but my dad said he'd take me in. Only problem is hes in the hole as far as money is concerned, so theres no way for him to help me get to the airport to fly up.
I start work in 2 weeks so I guess once I get a check I'll have the freedom to do what I please, whether it be move out of the halfway house and get high or save money for a flight to Jersey. The sad thing is I think I'm going to get high no matter what I do.
/rant