not sure if I'm done using yet...

Deveel

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
127
I really don't know what the point of this post is but I guess I'd like some advice.

I've been in and out of rehab and the 12step programs for about 1.5years now. I'm 19 and at first I didn't want to get clean but through worse and worse drug use the desire was there. I have health insurance so I placed myself into rehab number 5 on April 10th, 2010. I was miserable from using. I had been using everything but my drug of choice which is opiates because I had gotten onto suboxone maintenance. So I was smoking hard, taking e, smoking weed, and taking excessive amounts of xanax. I woke up on April 10th and just decided I was done. So I downed what was left of the xanax(30 pills or so) and headed to treatment. After I got there I was high for about 3 days from all the pills I had taken. So while in treatment I did the deal and didn't really think about drugs. For about 2 weeks my body was getting back to normal so I got my zyprexa dose upped from 5 to 10mg to help me eat/sleep.

Well now at around 2months clean I'm out of rehab and living in a halfway house. At first things were great and I was doing well. Now at about 3 weeks out of rehab I'm having horrible cravings to use. My head is telling me one thing but I'm not sure what to do. Since last time I was getting high I was totally miserable I don't know why I'm wanting to get high. I feel like I'm stuck in a halfway house. I'm from NJ but I've been in Florida for about 1.5years and I feel like I want to go home. I'm not allowed to live with my mother but my dad said he'd take me in. Only problem is hes in the hole as far as money is concerned, so theres no way for him to help me get to the airport to fly up.

I start work in 2 weeks so I guess once I get a check I'll have the freedom to do what I please, whether it be move out of the halfway house and get high or save money for a flight to Jersey. The sad thing is I think I'm going to get high no matter what I do.

/rant
 
"The sad thing is I think I'm going to get high no matter what I do."

Save your money and go home, did you really get that far for nothing? I have hope in you, hang in there.

Ultimatley the choice is up to you though :/
 
youve come this far.
man you may be an addict forever.
I would suggest staying clean dude.
Maybe smoking weed once a week.
Do you have any sober friends?
I think it is time to make some don't you think?
 
Dude if you say "no matter what I do I'm going to get high" setting yourself up to fail... You need to stop the addiction you've made it this far sting your middle finger to it and tell it to GO fuck itself :)
 
If you're not strong enough to stop using, be brave enough to keep trying. Don't get down on yourself if you give into a moment of weakness, but if you came this far, you can keep going.

You have a good thing going, if you need help go seek the help of a psychiatrist, they can prescribe you helpful medications that aren't nearly as addictive as the drugs you're probably craving.

Congratulations on checking yourself in though, hope that everything works out well for you.
 
Yea so I ended up going to the doctor and getting 60xanax bars. I just dont like being sober I feel its way too boring. I'm going to try to go light this time, last script I got for 60 2mg xanax was gone in 2 days. But since Im in a halfway house Im going to moderate my use to not get caught. Instead of taking 15-30 bars at a time I just took 1 and 1/2 and gave some to a friend.

Here we go again. if things get too bad theres another halfway house in my area that would take me and and you can pretty much use drugs while you live there. I would get my own apartment but I don't have the funds to get one, I just started work. And with the halfway house as long as your working they'll take you in and give you a few weeks to get your rent money together.

Here I go again, I guess I just wasn't finished.
 
Yea so I ended up going to the doctor and getting 60xanax bars. I just dont like being sober I feel its way too boring. I'm going to try to go light this time, last script I got for 60 2mg xanax was gone in 2 days. But since Im in a halfway house Im going to moderate my use to not get caught. Instead of taking 15-30 bars at a time I just took 1 and 1/2 and gave some to a friend.

Here we go again. if things get too bad theres another halfway house in my area that would take me and and you can pretty much use drugs while you live there. I would get my own apartment but I don't have the funds to get one, I just started work. And with the halfway house as long as your working they'll take you in and give you a few weeks to get your rent money together.

Here I go again, I guess I just wasn't finished.

Good luck, you know where this road leads to: nowhere.
 
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