Jeanpauldash
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2018
- Messages
- 1,873
So, I've heard some stories about how I didn't complete some "social test" correctly and it's why I'm "on my own" now.
Basically, there was a break up from (excuse me for using HIS OWN WORDS) the "love of my life". The event is that I caused it meeting his friend (I liked his Facebook profile). I was a little intoxicated, I went over there like that to his friends and his friend offered me gin. Probably not the best idea to continue drinking, but indeed I did and blacked out over there. The next morning I called to make sure nothing physical happened, as I had this relationship already. I was told that it HAD and I was devastated. I called my friend and just cried...I didn't even tell my boyfriend until he caught me which is definitely bad behavior. I know that, seriously, but I was in denial.
The friend moved in and the idea is I'm having sex with this new person who has no feelings for me and all his female FWB (or whatever, idk) are way, way more physically attractive than me. I just sit there ugly, seriously, having to stare at his Facebook.
I don't know if I was supposed to tell my boyfriend to not have the friend actually move in, but I assume so. Because of my ugly face always being on display and everything and it's a fucking gross studio apartment. I don't know. They might have apartmented me for sitting there in my denial.
But all I did get was Apartmented, so ill explain what happened there. I have been told that I was to "relax, be cool, be laid back" about casual sex with someone who would never care about me as a boyfriend and who, for him, I am the ugly woman of the women he will sleep with.
I proceed to freak out, I guess. For another thing, I'm also expected not "bring into this" my previous experience with my ex boyfriend. I just felt like...degraded. ugly and worthless and sad. When i guess I was required to be unemotional and sexual at the same time. I guess the premise is I was to be unemotional with this casual sex guy for a certain amount of time while acting attractively, like ....auditioning I guess you could say for a friend group. Which to them meant putting on my makeup, dressing as nice as I could, trying to say something interesting or smart and replying nicely and politely to whatever is said to me.
So that was the premise to earn my friend group but meanwhile I am actually concerned about my old relationship ending like that and have a lot of low self esteem about the casual sex relationship. Keep in mind I could have learned how to experience that correctly in my own time, or actually learned that I'm not into it at all. It's my own body. So what happened is I went around ruining the audition being "ugly" to them just for having feelings related to my own body.
Is combining finding a friend group for the homeless with forcing them to enjoy casual sex appropriate ?
Basically, there was a break up from (excuse me for using HIS OWN WORDS) the "love of my life". The event is that I caused it meeting his friend (I liked his Facebook profile). I was a little intoxicated, I went over there like that to his friends and his friend offered me gin. Probably not the best idea to continue drinking, but indeed I did and blacked out over there. The next morning I called to make sure nothing physical happened, as I had this relationship already. I was told that it HAD and I was devastated. I called my friend and just cried...I didn't even tell my boyfriend until he caught me which is definitely bad behavior. I know that, seriously, but I was in denial.
The friend moved in and the idea is I'm having sex with this new person who has no feelings for me and all his female FWB (or whatever, idk) are way, way more physically attractive than me. I just sit there ugly, seriously, having to stare at his Facebook.
I don't know if I was supposed to tell my boyfriend to not have the friend actually move in, but I assume so. Because of my ugly face always being on display and everything and it's a fucking gross studio apartment. I don't know. They might have apartmented me for sitting there in my denial.
But all I did get was Apartmented, so ill explain what happened there. I have been told that I was to "relax, be cool, be laid back" about casual sex with someone who would never care about me as a boyfriend and who, for him, I am the ugly woman of the women he will sleep with.
I proceed to freak out, I guess. For another thing, I'm also expected not "bring into this" my previous experience with my ex boyfriend. I just felt like...degraded. ugly and worthless and sad. When i guess I was required to be unemotional and sexual at the same time. I guess the premise is I was to be unemotional with this casual sex guy for a certain amount of time while acting attractively, like ....auditioning I guess you could say for a friend group. Which to them meant putting on my makeup, dressing as nice as I could, trying to say something interesting or smart and replying nicely and politely to whatever is said to me.
So that was the premise to earn my friend group but meanwhile I am actually concerned about my old relationship ending like that and have a lot of low self esteem about the casual sex relationship. Keep in mind I could have learned how to experience that correctly in my own time, or actually learned that I'm not into it at all. It's my own body. So what happened is I went around ruining the audition being "ugly" to them just for having feelings related to my own body.
Is combining finding a friend group for the homeless with forcing them to enjoy casual sex appropriate ?
