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Not as much honesty in MDMA as I thought...

Damn dude, sorry to hear that! :( Sounds pretty bad. I think something like that would kill my roll as well.

Yeah as many people have said, MDMA isn't some sort of magic spell that makes everything great. You still have to be with cool people even when on MDMA to truly enjoy it.
 
Sometimes E turns you into a horny slut? xP

Maybe she's just a bitch (MDMA doesn't really turn nasty people nice)..

Atleast you found out what she's like, which is: NOT WORTH IT.

MDMA doesn't make it impossible to lie.. i've seen a compulsive liar (not diagnosed but obvious.. this guy is a nasty cunt (used to by my mate?)) start coming out with even more stupid bullshit than when he was sober.. and this was his first time taking it..

Also, MDMA isn't gonna give you the courage to confront a situation like that head on.. especially when it just happened.. It infact probably made it harder to do, seeing as the roll was killed by it and you were left in that head space..
 
Well I think it deserves a good talking to, just explain how it made you feel just like you did to us, explain that to her, make her understand that it may of seemed okay to her at the time but to you it couldn't of been more not okay.

If you really like this girl and have a connection don't let a silly make out ruin it. I recently found out my girlfriend of 3 plus years use to cheat on me (have sex) w/ 3 different ppl for the last 2 years we were together, my first reaction was to flip out, but then i actually talked to her found out why and tried to understand, and even though i dont have as much trust, which hopefully will be regained, I still am glad to be with her.
 
GAIA said:
What happened to the empathy of E these days?
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I think MDMA may feel less empathetic for you because you are pretty well experienced with it. I think this happenes after you have rolled enough times to really know the effects of the drug, you thus you know what to expect when you drop. Having this familiarity with the drug keeps you from getting caught up in the euphoria of the experience, you are more able to seperate empathy and realizations you truely feel as opposed to the articial feelings of closeness. I think more inexperienced users have trouble seperating the good vibes and friendlieness twoards others from actual affection.

GAIA said:
Why could I not be comfortable enough to confront her on E?
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Part of having this familiarity with ecstasy is you know when to tactfully keep your mouth shut. Sould you have confronted her in this situation? I don'tknow, that really depends on your relationship with her and the expectations you may have had.

GAIA said:
How is someone able to lie on E?
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It just depends on the person really. Though it doesn't make sense to me, some people treat ecstasy as just another stimulant drug that makes you feel good. (Personally, I find it to be a truely amazing psychedelic, on par with LSD).

GAIA said:
Can E bring out the dark side of some people just as it brings out the side of light for most of us?
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Sure. Some people are gonna be assholes no matter what. As for your situation, you have to judge. Just keep in mind she may not have deliberately lied or intended to offend you. Some people loose sight of what words and actions would offend others while rolling. Experience helps you keep this in check as well.

GAIA said:
Dont know what Im more fed up with at this point-The fact that E hasn't been as real as I thought, or the fact that I've wasted all this time with it..
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It's all what you bring to it. Maybe you would find ecstasy more worthwhile in a different setting than a rave? Just hanging out and talking and listening to music with some close friends (or SO) in a comfortable place is how I prefer to roll actually. I think you may find the experience more "real" this way. You already have real affection and bonds with those your with, and you may be able to let loose in a way that you can't in a public place with strangers.

GAIA said:
Perhaps the cycle of the drug is similar to the stages of a roll.
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It can be. Even though I have "lot the magic," so to speak, I still find MDMA to be a worthwhile drug occasionally. You just can't expect it to be magical, no matter what, like in the "honeymoon phase" with the drug. A little effort goes a long way, so does drugs with better purity ;)

hope that helps,

good luck.
 
Very well written post GAIA!

Stirfry and many others have also given you excellent advice. Here's some from a slutty male who loves slutty females. Your limits and boundries our just that .. yours. Unless you make yourself clear on the subject, others are likely to assume that THEIR boundries are perfectly fine as is.

It's a possibility that she failed to think things through and assumed that making out with a stranger was no big deal as long as she focused on you primarily. Did you ask what she'd done on her previous rolls? Did you have any agreements with her as to what was acceptable and what not? I can only speculate on her motivations but, if you read around ED, you'll find that there are all sorts of different behaviors even on this one site.

The girlfriend and I have turned down an invitation to a private party (we're home-rollers) where we were asked to keep our clothes on and our hands to ourselves, knowing that we wouldn't behave as they wished. Yes, we passed up free drugs .. think on that. ;)
 
GAIA said:
I miss the love that MDMA use to bring me. Its been nearly 7 years since I first tried ecstasy. I never abused, I have probably rolled around 48 times since I first started. (Thats 4x a year)

I use to remember rolling so hard during my earlier years. My whole body would feel like it was exploding with love and harmony. It felt like a supernova of energy radiating from within my spirit.

I would have told anyone the truth about anything. There were no barriers. There was only honesty, and empathy. I felt loved to say the least.

People I associate with have changed over the years...one thing is constant -
everyone loves raves, and everyone rolls. Most of us are responsible...but rolling aint what it use to be...much of that empathy and honesty has been replaced with what I feel to be artificial. Now a days, no one every really means what they say, and no one ever follows through with the things they say they'll do.

I took E a month ago with a girl I had been with for 6 months. It was at a real cool massive rave and the music and lights were incredible....plus me and this girl were rolling together for the first time...I felt those butterflies inside my chest...they were glowing. I hadn't felt this was in years! And we hadn't even taken our pills yet!

So we both take our pills and get a bit anxious while coming up...coudnt really decide which stage to dance at and ended up around the event a lot for the first 45 min or so.

Then it his me. I start coming up. She saw and looked me in the eyes and kissed me. I once again felt alive from MDMA...and something I knew wasn't artificial. I felt complete.

We dance for awhile...gazing at one another with complete confidence... Completely blissful and entranced by the crowd around us...

Not a care in the world. This is what heaven must feel like.

But only for a moment.

After a warm and long embrace, I told her I would be back in 5 min with water. I looked into her eyes one last time and quickly made my way to the water stand. These crowds at massives are thick...especially when your up front in the center of the DJ.

Finally I make my way out of the massive sea of people, and into clean cool fresh air. It feels incredible in my lungs. I take time to enjoy it.

But not too much time. After I had the water in hand I quickly raced back into the crowd. Pushing past drugged out kids and fake scene kids. The closer you get to the front of the crowd the better the vibes are in my opinion. Plus its fun to watch Armin Van Burren smiling.

I stand on my toes to search for her. This is impossible. There are 1000s of people and I cant even move. But suddenly intuition kicks in. I use common sense, retrace my steps.

I catch a glance. I see her. Wait is it really her?"

No. It cant be.

This girl is making out with another guy. That cant be her I told myself...

Suddenly I feel anti-matter in my chest...suddenly all the roll I was feeling was sucked away. Pulled inside of the void of my own heart. My roll was gone.

She was going at it with some other dude.

I ran out of the crowd. I wanted to leave...but I rode with her.

Ill spare you all the details...but I met up with her an hour later....after I collected myself and worked up the courage to go up to her.

And she looks at me...she smiles and looks at me with the same gaze as before. The gaze of innocence and love. And then a sad puppy dog face.

"Where were you? I looked everywhere !" she exclaimed

She looks at me like nothing ever happened.

"I must have got lost I said" unable to bring myself to confront her on the issue.

Angels are excellent liars

I was unable to talk to her about it for the rest of the night...all I wanted was to have a great night and I wasnt going to let this incident change that. Ill deal with it later.



So..

What happened to the empathy of E these days?

Why could I not be comfortable enough to confront her on E?

How is someone able to lie on E?

Can E bring out the dark side of some people just as it brings out the side of light for most of us?

Dont know what Im more fed up with at this point-The fact that E hasn't been as real as I thought, or the fact that I've wasted all this time with it..

Perhaps the cycle of the drug is similar to the stages of a roll.

-Swallow(Introduction)
-Come up (First time)
-Peak (honeymoon period)
-Plateau (slow down period)
-Comedown (end of the magic)
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Slut!
 
OP, bluelight would probably suggest against it. But I'd like to call you, and talk about similar experiences. PM me if you're interested.
 
In regards to lying on E...

I've seen (as I'm sure u have), many people actually not act compassionate or with beauty on e.

The main ingredient in any drug is always you. Though you, deep down, contain integrity and love, not everyone does.

MDMA is a clarifier- but it is a personal one. How it affects you depends on what in truly within you.

I nearly cried reading your story...MDMA directly pointed me to the love of my life (a friend of 9 years I never realized was the perfect man for me), and I thank it for that. I feel MDMA has permanently affected my life for the best, and made my outlook much more well-rounded and positive in general.

I hope you can walk away from this with growth, and sympathy for this girl who is so, well, messed up, she can decieve someone while on MDMA. *hug*
 
well a lot of people have given there .02 cents so on what you should do or not.
I've just got to say this is prob one of the best posts ive seen in a while
it went from a touching good story to a cold hard reality and amazing story.

sorry for what you went through it does suck ass =P
but thnx for this post im sure we can all agree that this is a great post.
 
As happy as ecstasy is, and no matter how much youve planned your night, or hope your night will go as youve planned earlier..you must always have in the back of your mind that you are on a drug and what you are experiencing isnt a reality its simply a high..and anything can happen.

This sort of situation has happened to me before on E and acually on mushrooms as well, and I got so worked up about it that it ruined my high and ruined a realy nice feeling....but I forgot that when your on these substances its almost like a test you need to pass and then your on your way to absolute ecstasy....find another girl in the crowd, kiss her, have fun..think of it as a good thing that she was kissing that other dude...who cares about her anyways? :) thats what i do.

ecstasy isnt a truthfull drug, ecstasy is a drug that embraces who you are and dosent make you truthfull or a liar...it gives you a profound sense of yourself, no truth or lies no bullshit just pure...so to be honest, if your an angry person you will be angry on ecstasy if your generally a nice person youll be nice on ecstasy...ive never seen any TRUTH or anything like that...however I have seen that on mushrooms and experienced it first hand.
 
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