Again, I talking to myself because there is no one else.
People rarely understand that all I want is someone who as been where I am, and listen and offer understanding comments and what not. Not tells me how to fix it.
Strangely, coming off meth, I've started to binge. I don't know that it is that I'm so broke during the day I can't afford to eat when I'm not home so I binge when I get home or what. I guess there is a away to deal with it if I have to...
And here I thought about going and starving myself because I don't deserve the food...
Or maybe it's beause my life is so out of control I'm looking for something to give me control. OD I've been washing my hands a lot lately.
Jeez being a psych major is like being a Ph.D. student. Go figure, not like it matters.
Sean and I are on another break. He is so depressed so his situation, that he can't deal with me. I'm afraid that we may not even make it. God knows, he said I couldn't be alone and I'd get over it. Oh I'd be alone. Hell, my rock, my help, cannot help me when he is depressed himself. There is no where to go to have a shoulder to cry on.
Thank goodness for Seroquel that I can even say that. But that, the kpins the Lamictal right now. Oh meth would take it away, at least for a bit. But there is no getting it and its only short term. I'm off because I have to be. Broke, and thereare some things I just can't break myself down to do. Some days I think who cares how big of a hole I dig in, no one will even notice. I might as well not exist....
I wonder if the things I did were just to be different
To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence
Everyone's pointing their fingers
Always condemning me
And nobody knows what I believe
No real reason to accept the way things have changed
Staring down the barrel of a 45
People rarely understand that all I want is someone who as been where I am, and listen and offer understanding comments and what not. Not tells me how to fix it.
Strangely, coming off meth, I've started to binge. I don't know that it is that I'm so broke during the day I can't afford to eat when I'm not home so I binge when I get home or what. I guess there is a away to deal with it if I have to...
And here I thought about going and starving myself because I don't deserve the food...
Or maybe it's beause my life is so out of control I'm looking for something to give me control. OD I've been washing my hands a lot lately.
Jeez being a psych major is like being a Ph.D. student. Go figure, not like it matters.
Sean and I are on another break. He is so depressed so his situation, that he can't deal with me. I'm afraid that we may not even make it. God knows, he said I couldn't be alone and I'd get over it. Oh I'd be alone. Hell, my rock, my help, cannot help me when he is depressed himself. There is no where to go to have a shoulder to cry on.
Thank goodness for Seroquel that I can even say that. But that, the kpins the Lamictal right now. Oh meth would take it away, at least for a bit. But there is no getting it and its only short term. I'm off because I have to be. Broke, and thereare some things I just can't break myself down to do. Some days I think who cares how big of a hole I dig in, no one will even notice. I might as well not exist....
I wonder if the things I did were just to be different
To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence
Everyone's pointing their fingers
Always condemning me
And nobody knows what I believe
No real reason to accept the way things have changed
Staring down the barrel of a 45
