Nice Guys finish last...........always

[shmeghead]

Greetings Earthlings,,
After reading the 'singles' thread, I believe it was DJC who suggested a 'Nice Guys' thread... so here it is...
Being a self proclaimed 'nice guy' I do believe that as much as women say "ALl I want is someone to talk too and who will respect me." What they mean is "I want a challenging relationship where I have to constantly check up on a guy and live day to day knowing I'm not respected."
The reason I say this is simply because I've watched countless numbers of my female friends make that statement and then fall for a guy for no other reason than "He's offers me excitement." what a crock.....
The perception of 'Excitement' comes from within, and the 'excitement' that most of these women are referring too (in my opinion) is that initial relationship 'getting to know each other' excitement.... it's all new, of course it's exciting,,,
And then there's that famous 'hope' women seem to have that they can 'change a guy'.... reminds of of the SImpsons where Marge is telling Lisa that Homer is a whole new man since she married him... "He's a new man Lisa." LMAO ROFLAMFOAFMALFAOF
But the difference is,,, after 2 or 3 months, nice guys will still be treating you with respect and honesty..
Scumbags don't change.........
So, my official word on this topic is that in fact Nice Guys DO finish last.. simply because they don't want to create friction most of the time and will step back to let the female do what ever she wants,,, which in my experience generally means go screw the first available guy who's willing to walk all over them,,,,,
AHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that feels good to get that off my chest LOLOLOLOL
Oh well,, opinions are like bums,, an that is mine LOLOL
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Peace All
Namaste

 

[Tesi]

Gotta love the simpsons, most situations in life can be related back to one of the scenes which have graced our tv sets at home.
Or failure to do that, it makes some good bullshit talk when you cant think of anything else.
I disagree that people can't be changed... Everything that we interact with adds (no matter how slightly) to our feelings towards certain attitudes or social groups.
One of my mates was,the 'scum' that was previously talked about and one of his new girls actually did change him... changed him alot!! Which was unfortunate, cause we lost the old him... though they broke up quite sometime later... and he reverted back to his old self

and its definatly good to have him back.
Though, do nice guys finish last? Yeah i think they do, as nice guys usually have the courtesy to let people do what they want, rather than bringing forward their ideas and what have you...
What do you girls think on this subject??
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<+|Tesi

 

[Airwalk]

Nice guys attract psycho chic's. The whole principle works in reverse.

 

[shmeghead]

**here here** Airwalk....
I have to totally agree with that,,,
However, regarding the 'changing of someone'.. as you pointed out your friend 'changed back' once that relationship had broken up.
I agree with what you are saying in the sense of constant evolution as we learn various lessons.. We do all change slightly each day. But the 'change' I was referring to was more of a 'personality' or 'behaviour' type line of thinking,,,
Just as he may have 'changed' to suit his new partner,,, it wasn't a 'change' as much as a 'mask' that he wore for the duration of that relationship.
But yes you are right that Nice guys generally let others do what they want without butting in. The logic being (with me anyway) that if you sit back and let someone decide, then they decide off their own logic.... if they decide they want to be with you it is because THEY want it, not because the guy has stated he wants it.....
Oh well,, enuff venting for me today LOLOL
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Peace All
Namaste

 

[nezo]

sorry guys...
but the person who made that expression 'nice guys come last' also came up with:
size doesn't count
winning isn't everything

*gently prods stick into the sides off all nice guys*

 

[Tesi]

Well nezo

I beleive winning isnt the best

Having fun is, lets take this to the extreme here, and relate it to chicks

(fitting topic...) would you prefer to bend over backwards to please some fine ass chick, or would you prefer an "okay" (not saying dog ugly... just saying, good... but nothing special.. lol) , and have a wild ass time with her

But then.... wouldnt that be winning?? im confusing myself , ive got one big headfuck right now, if anyone wants to play Doctor with me and help me through the day I'd be glad to receive the help

ahhh
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<+|Tesi

 

[shmeghead]

hey Tesi,, i think I know the point you are getting at,,,,
and I agree with you that Winning ISN"T everything,,, in fact it's absolutely fark all in the big scheme of things.. Whether you win a raffle, a race, or a game really doesn't do anything but give the ego a bit of a pat on the back...
Truth be known,, if ya need to 'win' something to feel good about yaself there's bigger issues that need to be addressed...
As for the 'hot girl' / 'ok girl' comparison,,,,,
hmmmmmmmm well a lil from column A and a lil from column B please hehehehee
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Peace All
Namaste

 

[flashfire]

The aforementioned platitudes are but sweeping statements and have been coined as a short-cut to thinking.
Intellectualism aside, I think that nice guys don't come last. It may seem like they do for a time, but what goes around comes around (to coin another colloquialism!). My wonderful partner is a 'nice guy'. He puts up with my shit and has done for the last 6.5years. Our relationship is one of love, respect and compromise, don't get me wrong, but if he reacted badly everytime my actions bothered him instead of wisely biting his tongue, I doubt our relationship would have lasted. So, in saying that, I guess he wins. He wins because he has a really happy, constantly developing adult relationship. He has all the love, support and companionship he needs. Were he an arsehole who treated people badly, I would have said goodbye long ago leaving him to lead his unfulilling life, screwing people over and awaiting the impending karmic retribution...
The areseholes DO come last, it's just not so evident at this point in our lives.
flash
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ad summam virtutem
~reach for the highest stars~

 

[Blindside]

I think there's a little bit of truth in everyone's point of view.
Arseholes do finish last I think.
All through highschool if you didn't play footy, couldn't drink 40 VB's and then pash the town bike you were classified as a freak or gay. I think a lot of us can relate to that.
I always hung around with the non-sporty, yet cool people at school and got along with everyone except the jocks. Now that school's over, the jocks serve me my KFC, wash my car, or unclog my toilet. I have a great job and am happy with my life, while they are stuck in the same dead-end cycle forever.
Those arseholes finish last.
As for women, it's a different story. It's always baffled me.
I've had that nice-guy label since my early days, and I fuggin hate it. No one wants to be thought of as a brother to a chick you really like, but it can be helpful I've found.
Sure, the girls will go for the arsehole, and I'll get stuck with a psycho speed-freak, but when it's all over who do they come back to? Yep, you guessed it. It's all down to patience.
There's no point over-analysing situations like this, cos there's nothing that can be done. Just accept your lot in life, be grateful that you have relationships with these people that are well above the superficiality of a booty-call, and know that if it's going to happen you've got to make it happen.
I still think us nice guys can win. We've got the advantage of intelligence and trust.

 

[Blindside]

Oh yea, I just noticed flashfire made a good point.
The karma police will always be on our side.
It's all about the karma.

 

[nostalgic]

Some girls seem to love having things to whinge to their friends about... How mean their boyfriend is being the one in the spot light. I'd classify myself as a "nice guy", and my ex would exaggerate things I said or act as if I was swearing at her when I was in fact angry at not getting my change from a vending machine... She'd do whatever it took to have something she could pin on me as a direct offence against her.
Nice guys attract psycho chicks - agreed

Oh well. The world still turns.
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wisest is he who knows that he does not know...

 

[De Quincey]

blindside please try not to be such a hypocrite. you pay out the "jocks" for not respecting you then in the same sentence you inflict the same sort of snub back on them. and don't try and argue that "they did it first" cos i don't think that washes. everyone doesn't have to be friends with everyone, and of course different groups are going to have differences of opinion. but i think it's a mistake to assume that your own way is intrinsically better than someone else's, just cos it's your own.
be careful not to be like the ones you criticise.
just because they like and are good at sport doesn't make them stupid, it doesn't make their lives pointless, and it doesn't make them meatheaded arseholes. if you wanna say things like that then you have no right to complain when people call ravers (and the like) a bunch of drug-fucked, neo-hippy PLUR addicts.
i find both attitudes equally offensive.
DQ.

 

[E-u4ria]

i'm trying to be a nice guy... well ok my life goal is just to be nice to people and see where it gets me... i can totally concur with elver in that if you're a nice guy, people think you're gay... this ain't necessarily all bad, but it's not great either...
nice guys tend to get dumped on substantially more... like i'm so much of a nice guy that i suffer from terminal JBF syndrome (Just Be Friends)...
i'm not bad looking so i'm told... i've been told i'm quite good looking on a number of occasions... but i'm such a nice guy that girls just wanna be my friend... in fact quite a lot of them seem to wish i was gay and treat me as such just becuase i'm nice... this really sucks... i get girls crying on my shoulder about shitty guys, then they feel better, leave me and go off with another shitty guy... the cycle just repeats itself...

i'm just hoping there's a girl out there who'll just appreciate me for what i am without using me as a shoulder to cry on...
peace
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"Try combining a childlike wonder at the beauty of the world with cynicism at the state it's in, and stay sane... it isn't easy" - Me

 

[Airwalk]

Yeah I suffer a bit from people thinking I'm gay but hey lets face it I could be compared to a lot worse stereotypes. But back on topic. I have a thought about nice guys and that's that they are the most well adjusted. Why do I say that well lets look at it. What makes people assholes is usually because they are stressed, pshychologically unstable, to many drugs a victim of abuse and the list goes on. So saying that we (nice guys) have it a lot better. Plus nice guys do also get get nice gals from time to time, there's a few on BL from my own observation.

 

[Prometheus]

Generalisations suck! Now, Irony aside

Everyones points are valid but I maintain that everyone has to find someone eventually. Not having a proliferation of girlfriends for now is an unecessary hangup which will pass once a meaningful relatinships begins, imho

.
In the end I think that being a nice guy is a better way to be. From reading posts and meeting other bluelighters What strikes me is the individuality of so many on this board. Having trouble beginning or continuing a relationship probably can't be put down to the 'nice guy' 'arsehole guy' thing but rather your individuality narrows the field of play(yucky cliche soz). Stereotypical 'blokes' of course are going to find it easier to hookup with someone because what they are looking for is so common.
My longest relationship has been for two months and I don't put it down to any one thing like being a nice guy(even tho I have had the 'you're a nice guy and a great friend, but....' thing) but rather the varying extremes in my personality can make it hard for me to relate to others and vice-versa. It also makes it difficult to fit into one particular social clique, again making it harder to start a relationship.
I don’t think a girl is ever going to “evaluate” a guys based soley on the niceguy/arsehole dualism. There’s more to a relationship than that.
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But who needs a car, when you've got a pogo stick

 

[huxley]

I should stay the hell away from this topic, 'cos I believe that I'm generally considered one of those 'nice guys' and I hate the fact and I'm doing something about it.
'Nice' is a stupid word, it doesn't mean anything, doesn't define the good or bad points of anyone. Let me stick my neck out a mile here and propose some of the things I think a lot of women look for in a relationship, and because I'm endeavouring not to be so nice I don't give a shit if you don't agree with me unless you can prove otherwise. In no particular order: stability, security, trust, honesty, boundaries, romance, strength (no, not physical...), confidence - that's enough to start with.
Now a so-called 'nice' guy would like to think that he can and does offer all these things - bullshit!.
Stability? No, because you can be easily swayed in your thinking and actions simply by the way she acts or doesn't act. Wondering why she's always doing stuff that pisses you off? She's testing you. You think it's a good quality to always forgive and stay calm and not get angry, when in fact she thinks you are weak for letting her get away with anything she wants to. Then you wonder why she leaves you because you've been so good to her and put up with so much shit.
Security? Sort of, but not in the way that matters. Sure, you'll stick by her no matter what she does, while she thinks "well maybe, umm as long as, what was it again that I shouldn't do, guess I better do something wrong and find out" (hey, I'm just talking about plain old human nature here...).
Trust/Honesty? These go together, and generally you're so damned sure you'll loose her if you stop being so 'nice' and tell her off occasionally for pissing you off. So you lie (or don't say anything), but she's not stupid. You're not honest, so she doesn't trust you. You're going to loose her anyway acting like this, so you may as well speak you mind and see what happens. Of course then it goes both ways - be prepared hear a piece of her mind. But if she's testing you then tell her to shut up.
Boundaries? hmmm, this is a tricky one, if you understand what I mean then you're lucky. It's tied up in the trust/truth and stability thing. We all (not just women) respond best and feel most secure when we know exactly how far we can go and what we can get away with.
Romance? haha, all nice guys think they super romantic and this is all that they need to do. Ask your girlfriend one day if she thinks you are romantic - go on I dare you. If she feels stable, secure, loved and knows you are a strong person then she'll probably tell you the truth, if not then she'll probably just say 'yes'.
Strength? Are you the sort of person who doesn't give a shit what other people think because you know who your friends are and why they are your friends. Or do you always want everyone to like you, and change your attitude and appearance to suit. Put you in a room with two or more people that you have to 'adapt' to and you look like a tree swaying in the wind. Know that I mean? Offend one of them, offend them all! They are probably all nice guys anyway and will just be secretly envious of you

Confidence? You know why you love her, and why she loves you (because you're honest and she can trust you). Are you always worried whether she still likes you and thinks you're still a nice person? You probably say 'sorry' a lot too.
Of you not only have to have all these good points (and not be deluded that you have them), but also not have the bad points of the so-called 'wild guys', maybe I'll let the women here point some of those out...
Anyway, I shouldn't be giving this top secret information away to the general public in case someone else gets the girl I want - but of course I won't give a shit 'cos there's always someone else. Anyway it takes years of training to get this way, unless you were born an asshole to begin with

I'm not speaking about anyone in a particular here, in fact a lot of this is exactly how I am. If you feel like this is you and are offended then that's my exact point.
Hey nezo - you're right, the only expression needed is "".
btw: if any women bluelighters in Melbourne meet me and tell me I'm a nice guy I'll never speak to you again!
cheers,
hux.

 

[Decimal Dan]

Hux: I've never seen it summed up so well in my entire life! I can relate to about 90% of your post, as I consider myself a 'nice guy'. (Well, I used to anyway...)
Well done son!

Dan

 

[ful_sik_trippa]

I dont think that nice guys finish last, but i agree about the whole cycle thing though.
And as for people thinking nice guys are gay, i think it is more a case if you have spiky hair, wear nice clothes and listen to elctronic music - then people consider you to be gay.
People who put others first tend to get trodden on, people who look out for themselves always do the treading...
8)

 

[Munchee]

Fuck it I hate you all I think you 'nice guys' are all gay and you should all go to hell and die. All chicks are sluts and they all love me...
Damn it. It just doesnt work for me.
*Munchee stands up in the circle*
I'm a nice guy, have been for about all my life now and there is nothing I can do about it. I've tried to be not-so-nice but it doesn't work... coming to this group I hope will help me with my 'nice guy' problem. People just seem to accept me as a nice person, sometimes a little cynical and a smartarse on occasions but generally nice.

 

[Tesi]

Hmmm, some good statements being flung around...
I think, its good to be "nice", as its shit to be an asshole and nobody likes an asshole.... but while being nice you have to be assertive, and firm

Be nice to an extent where your wishes and goals are not interfered with...
hmm ?
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<+|Tesi