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Bonny-Kellswater

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 23, 2014
Messages
13
Hello There,

I've been addicted to opioids for the past two years. I took them on-and-off before then for another two years (one Vicodin a few times a week to relax), but when I turned 40, my use grew to a daily habit and quickly spiraled out if control. In hindsight, the initial usage and addiction was related to a miserable marriage I felt stuck in. Like many, I had a script for hydrocodone that gradually grew to dependence.

I've quit twice before and then relapsed, once last spring and again this past Christmas. In both cases, my reactions to major family-related trauma were the triggers for relapse.

Last week, I noticed that no matter how many pills I took (without going into liver-scary dosages), my pain would not go away, so I figured buying more was just going to be a waste of money...and my habit has gotten very expensive since I've supplemented my regular doctor scripts with Dr Feelgood scripts (unfortunately, very common in LA...like in the case of MJ five years ago).

Now is my third time and I'm 72 hours into it. This past weekend was a living nightmare and this morning was worse.

I have no idea how or why it happened (could be coincidence - could be something more), but this morning I was going through my medicine cabinet looking for something - anything - that would help with some symptom relief. My past plunders into relapse had been triggered by my ex-husband's hurtful/abusive actions, for the most part. This morning, I found a full script of Zofran he had left at the house when he left - karma?

I found several other bottled script meds, but disposed of all of them b/c they are not related to anything I have (he told me he had taken all the meds he needed when he moved out)

I didn't know what the heck Zofran was, so I looked it up. Turned out it was anti-nausea, so I explored further to make sure it didn't have any harmful contraindications to anything else I am taking. Not only that, but I also saw that Stanford university had a recent research article showing it's effectiveness with opioid withdrawal.

Anyway, as I make it through the 72 hour mark, I feel 95% better than this morning. I am also following the Thomas recipe (with Ambien to sleep instead of benzos), but the Zofram has provided most of the relief today (full day 3. I am a little achey from OTC NSAIDS (Advil) wearing off, but my next dose is in less than 10 mins and they have made a difference.

Wish I'd discovered this before b/c it would've helped me quit sooner, but here I am. Going one day at a time hoping this time is for good!
 
I'm hoping this time is for good too. You can do this! Personally I found as time went on, each withdrawal from opiates got a bit harder. Feel free to visit our Recovery Forums if you're struggling or just want to talk. Welcome to Bluelight Bonny! :)
 
Thanks! Still here - still standing. Observing how there are some new symptoms this time that I hadn't noticed before. I have a very sensitive sense of smell by nature. This withdrawal period, that and my weak stomach are extremely magnified. I'm big on hygiene, but the hypersensitive smell seems to be the worst part, especially since it's summer. It applies to ambient smells and also the likelihood that I'm metabolizing-out the garbage. Last time it was RLS. I was at a high altitude, so not sure if/how it affected me. Now I'm at sea level - no RLS. The back pain and GI issues are as horrendous as the past two times. I also have to take a lot of breaks because of fatigue and feeling "winded", even though I am normally active with exercise. I have managed to walk 30-60 minutes every day - tomorrow I'll return to yoga (which will hopefully help out with my tweaked back).


I woke up this morning heaving (gross - yeah TMI but thinking about it is a big deterrent to using) and immediately put a Zofran under my tongue, which helped me down my coffee, immodium, supplements and half a protein shake for breakfast. I held it down for half an hour, and then I put on a mask, as it's the only way I could clean the house to prevent worse smells. Then I cleaned the house, which zapped my energy so I am taking a break before I start doing some work. I have been taking out trash and changing sheets daily. Been emptying the cat box, taking showers, and changing clothes twice daily. Spraying with Lysol multiple times throughout the day. I probably sound OCD, now I know I would not enjoy being a bloodhound!!! has anyone experienced the sense of smell thing?
 
Day 5 - still here. I feel thankful about finding the anti nausea medicine, because even after taking it, I could still feel hints of it after waking up (would have been 100% now it's 5% but probably because it's a hot and humid day and my sense of smell decided to wake up). I was able to hold down coffee/activia probiotic for breakfast, just had to lie down while it digested.

Today I feel more fatigued and lethargic, but my brain is starting to feel like an actual/reasonable person's instead of the usual fog/cloud. I can function a little more this time around b/c my doctor upped my Prozac dose a week before stopping, so that way I could counter the imminent depression that comes with PAWS (contributing factor to previous relapses). I've also kept up taking my prescribed dose of ADHD meds (this time around, I am by myself, so I have to do a lot of basic daily things that my brother/sister in law did for me when I detoxed at their place).

In addition to the opiates, last week I also stopped the alcohol (depressant - does not mix well with Prozac either) and I stopped Xanax (not a huge dose, only took it before bed but made me feel drowsy and hung over in the mornings). I wonder if I'm feeling withdrawal from all & how that affects the duration, but it sounds like the most obvious symptoms are from going off opiates (anxiety could be from any of those - and I'm anxious to begin with). I've had a few anxiety attacks, but now I just breathe through them and take ashgawanda (homeopathic - seems to work - no side effects).

I've been feeling emotionally okay in the mornings and definitely more alert waking up than when I used to take Xanax, especially when chased by booze.

The afternoons are aharder because negative moods set in - my morning fresh-ness wears off too - at least I am having more of a range of moods, though, because I was actively shutting them off. I was hoping opiates would only shut off the bad ones, but after awhile it killed the good ones too, including motivation, enthusiasm, wanting to socialize, have sex, or enjoy anything enjoyable for that matter.

My goal is to ease back into doing some work today. Good luck today to everyone here & thanks for the support.
 
Hiya,

Welcome to Bluelight.

You may be interested in the following sub-forums;

- The Dark Side
- Sober Living
- Mental Health
- Other Drugs (OD) which has a The Opioid Withdrawal Megathread

The people in those sub-forums are hugely supportive, understanding, empathic and try to give good advice.

I understand how difficult it is to quite an addiction and then overcome it n (become and continue in recovery). It is difficult but you can do this. As hard as it is, you just need to believe in yourself, that you can do this. With Bluelight, you will have lots of help and support.

Here are a few threads, which may help you;

- Personal Accounts of Addiction What's Your Story
- Today I am thankful for...
- Exercise 4 Health, Mental Health and Addiction vs. I worked all that out
- June Getting and / Staying Sober Thread [/URL
- [URL="http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/696137-Creating-Positive-Change-vs-If-Nothing-Changes-Then-Nothing-Changes"] Creating Positive Change vs. If Nothing Changes, then Nothing Changes
- Good Things About Being off Drugs / Getting Sober

I hope they are of help to you. Please feel free to ask any questions and we will try our best to help you.

Take care - and wishing you well,

Evey
 
Keep up the good work my friend.

Keep coming back to BL we have great support for addicts here:)
 
Thanks - ventured out of the house to run essential errands until I ran out of energy. Managed grocery shopping - def needed to restock on food (the type I can actually eat for now) and got my website orders put in the mail (before customers start asking WTF). Thanks again for the replies! Helpful reading as I lay down to rest (DVR is re-loading b/c I finished watching all the recordings)
 
Bonny-Kellswater said:
Thanks - ventured out of the house to run essential errands until I ran out of energy. Managed grocery shopping - def needed to restock on food (the type I can actually eat for now) and got my website orders put in the mail (before customers start asking WTF). Thanks again for the replies! Helpful reading as I lay down to rest (DVR is re-loading b/c I finished watching all the recordings)
Click to expand...

That's ace, Bonny. Small steps and you'll get there. You can do this.

Evey
 
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