Another holiday turned to shot before 4pm... I had a date. One I thought would be instant hit. We had talked online for hours and wanted to see each other ASAP. He texts, hes still out of town with his parents and won't be making it. I am pissed as hell that I had trusted him before he even earned it. I warned him about the BPD, I did. He said he could take it. BULLSHIT. He doesn't understand why I'm pissed.
I had planned on meeting him in public and hitting it off. Coming back to spend New Years with a movie romantically with a bottle of wine. Even clean the hell out of my room because he is allergic to my kitten. I had planned all day and he let me down.
I wanted a man to prove that they aren't all the same. I thought this was it...but then again I thought S. was it too and now thats gone to hell. My other choice is one my ex banned me from speaking to, one that I don't find attractive and one with a 5 year old and a prison rap sheet at 23.
I don't know what the fuck to think. I'm all "give everyone an equal chance" it takes balls to tell me that you stole and had a huge meth issue and got got home from work sick because you were fuckin with methodone... who the fuck am I to judge. But I don't have a rap sheet. I've never even been arrested outside a danger to myself... what the hell do they call that a 501 50 hold.
I don't know what to do. Have him over and pretend like it never happened? Make him sit in the chair across the room because I don't trust him and I'm pissed as hell. God maybe I should had eaten today and I'd be less pissy. and maybe some pills are in order. what? I'm not sure yet.
Let see, I was alone most of last year because bf didn't want me to go out, so we fought and I was hurt and pissed off. I smoked myself fucking stupid high as fucking hell.
This year I'm hurt and pissed off because a guy I have never met"stood me up" and I'm alone because I want to wait for him and him to make it better and it to be ok. But he can't even tell me he can be here by freak 8PM, and I'm going to be high on codeine.
AM I MOVING UP OR DOWN FOR FINISHING 2008?
OH he did finally show, I forgave him. And then he rushed out the door less than a half hour after his midnight kiss, because he had promised to go see his brother...he would be quick and come back. Asked if he could text me. He never texted me, never returned mine. Never came back. I wrote him a message and he read it and didn't respond.....Just like M. would read my messages and not respond "because he to was too busy"...then he quit calling or writing at all, then "he didn't love me anymore:
this guy hits a nerve and doesn't even freaking know it
what will be the excuses now? And I am digging myself into a hole I know, because I WANT to like him. I WANT to believe him. I'm stupid and attract men that hurt me I guess.
I had planned on meeting him in public and hitting it off. Coming back to spend New Years with a movie romantically with a bottle of wine. Even clean the hell out of my room because he is allergic to my kitten. I had planned all day and he let me down.
I wanted a man to prove that they aren't all the same. I thought this was it...but then again I thought S. was it too and now thats gone to hell. My other choice is one my ex banned me from speaking to, one that I don't find attractive and one with a 5 year old and a prison rap sheet at 23.
I don't know what the fuck to think. I'm all "give everyone an equal chance" it takes balls to tell me that you stole and had a huge meth issue and got got home from work sick because you were fuckin with methodone... who the fuck am I to judge. But I don't have a rap sheet. I've never even been arrested outside a danger to myself... what the hell do they call that a 501 50 hold.
I don't know what to do. Have him over and pretend like it never happened? Make him sit in the chair across the room because I don't trust him and I'm pissed as hell. God maybe I should had eaten today and I'd be less pissy. and maybe some pills are in order. what? I'm not sure yet.
Let see, I was alone most of last year because bf didn't want me to go out, so we fought and I was hurt and pissed off. I smoked myself fucking stupid high as fucking hell.
This year I'm hurt and pissed off because a guy I have never met"stood me up" and I'm alone because I want to wait for him and him to make it better and it to be ok. But he can't even tell me he can be here by freak 8PM, and I'm going to be high on codeine.
AM I MOVING UP OR DOWN FOR FINISHING 2008?
OH he did finally show, I forgave him. And then he rushed out the door less than a half hour after his midnight kiss, because he had promised to go see his brother...he would be quick and come back. Asked if he could text me. He never texted me, never returned mine. Never came back. I wrote him a message and he read it and didn't respond.....Just like M. would read my messages and not respond "because he to was too busy"...then he quit calling or writing at all, then "he didn't love me anymore:
this guy hits a nerve and doesn't even freaking know it
what will be the excuses now? And I am digging myself into a hole I know, because I WANT to like him. I WANT to believe him. I'm stupid and attract men that hurt me I guess.