So the year of 2017 has been full of awesome changes and a new appreciation for myself and my abilities. I have started actually monitoring the food I eat and walking for 5-10 miles a day. I started a small work out routine which I have been expanding on in an effort to get into even better shape, it feels good to be at least somewhat active and helps me hold myself in higher regard.
I have also been tripping a lot and exploring the city i moved to. I really enjoy living here and am very happy to have moved and everything seems to be going great. I have lost about 10 pounds just by walking and eating right.
The main reason for this entry is because of the concert i went to last week. For about a year I have been really into this band called "the birthday massacre" their goth style guitars, 80s synth pop sounding, female vocal stuff is hard to put into words. It basically covers everything i ever wanted in music... singing female vocals, heavy guitar, a sort of synthesized background music often with long instrumentals... its like candy to my ears ive never had such a love for a band. Its like anything they do i will like instantly. This caused me to go back to the type of music i liked about 15 years ago sort of goth nu metal whatever you wanna call it.
So Ive spent about a year listening to all their albums, they have been around since 2002 so theres a decent number of them... still amazed that they cant make an album i wont listen to in its entirety over and over. So by the time they tour i can basically name all the albums all the songs they rapidly became my favorite band of all time.
Fast forward to before the show and I planned on a very strong candy flip, the strongest ive done. I abstained for 2 weeks from L and 6 from molly. I took 5 hits of the same L ive had for months 3 hours before the show and 300mg of molly an hour and a half before the band took the stage. I was really excited more so then i have been in a while for anything... and ive done some really fun stuff but this just seemed so personal. No one got me into this band no one even really knows i like them so much so it was very much the first time ive done something just for me because i really wanted to.
Anyway before they come on im obviously peaking, looking back on it now thinking of course it was an overly emotional experience for me... most people couldnt see in front them them on that many psychedelics. But when they took the stage I was literally captivated and took video and pictures, video is so good you can see the singers eyes and facial expressions.
Now Ive discovered so much about myself in the almost 2 years off dope and being single i thought i knew everything there was to know about me. The whole thing really threw my view upside down. This whole time i thought i was fine with being alone having no real connectivity to anything. I was fine with my even emotions and predictable everything but she literally made me feel like a teenager. I forgot what it was like to actually get excited to see someone, to have their small acknowledgement mean everything to you... Like im not obsessed with the singer, i could see if i were younger confusing this for being attracted to her, it was just weird to feel that way again. It was nice to feel that way again, ill never forget what it was like to have that happen... i literally forgot for so long.
I wish i could write her and be like "at 30 years old you taught me i can still feel, after everything i went through, im capable of lowering my guard so much a small event can have a massive impact"
I have also been tripping a lot and exploring the city i moved to. I really enjoy living here and am very happy to have moved and everything seems to be going great. I have lost about 10 pounds just by walking and eating right.
The main reason for this entry is because of the concert i went to last week. For about a year I have been really into this band called "the birthday massacre" their goth style guitars, 80s synth pop sounding, female vocal stuff is hard to put into words. It basically covers everything i ever wanted in music... singing female vocals, heavy guitar, a sort of synthesized background music often with long instrumentals... its like candy to my ears ive never had such a love for a band. Its like anything they do i will like instantly. This caused me to go back to the type of music i liked about 15 years ago sort of goth nu metal whatever you wanna call it.
So Ive spent about a year listening to all their albums, they have been around since 2002 so theres a decent number of them... still amazed that they cant make an album i wont listen to in its entirety over and over. So by the time they tour i can basically name all the albums all the songs they rapidly became my favorite band of all time.
Fast forward to before the show and I planned on a very strong candy flip, the strongest ive done. I abstained for 2 weeks from L and 6 from molly. I took 5 hits of the same L ive had for months 3 hours before the show and 300mg of molly an hour and a half before the band took the stage. I was really excited more so then i have been in a while for anything... and ive done some really fun stuff but this just seemed so personal. No one got me into this band no one even really knows i like them so much so it was very much the first time ive done something just for me because i really wanted to.
Anyway before they come on im obviously peaking, looking back on it now thinking of course it was an overly emotional experience for me... most people couldnt see in front them them on that many psychedelics. But when they took the stage I was literally captivated and took video and pictures, video is so good you can see the singers eyes and facial expressions.
Now Ive discovered so much about myself in the almost 2 years off dope and being single i thought i knew everything there was to know about me. The whole thing really threw my view upside down. This whole time i thought i was fine with being alone having no real connectivity to anything. I was fine with my even emotions and predictable everything but she literally made me feel like a teenager. I forgot what it was like to actually get excited to see someone, to have their small acknowledgement mean everything to you... Like im not obsessed with the singer, i could see if i were younger confusing this for being attracted to her, it was just weird to feel that way again. It was nice to feel that way again, ill never forget what it was like to have that happen... i literally forgot for so long.
I wish i could write her and be like "at 30 years old you taught me i can still feel, after everything i went through, im capable of lowering my guard so much a small event can have a massive impact"
