F
FeelingLonely
Guest
Well, a couple of months ago I moved to a new town, old town I lived in had a population in the 40-60k range, new one is ~100k. My main reason for moving was that the old town was a bit out in the middle of nowhere and I kind of felt like I was sick of it (had been living there for six years and had grown quite bored with it for various reasons, the new town is much closer to bigger cities and transportation, just something like say, flying south on vacation is now much more easily accessible, in the past it would've involved a two hour flight just to get to a proper international airport, now that same airport is a 45 minute train ride away, visiting my parents now involves three hours of travel rather than 6-8 hours (depending on the train schedule, no direct flights from old town or new town to where they live)).
Before moving here I had a whole bunch of friends, most of them not very close ones but I could always find someone to hang out with or party with if I wanted to. Hell, most of the time I could be fairly certain that someone would contact me inviting me along to some party on Friday or Saturday night. Here? I know four people, two couples to be more specific. One couple is often off doing their own couple thing (dinners with extended family, romantic movie nights and all that) the others are total stoners who can on occasion be fun to be around but have a tendency to prefer just sitting around getting high and watching TV.
So, I need to meet new people, I need to make some friends but I don't really know how to.
I telecommute full-time (meaning all my contact with co-workers is online or over the phone).
I go to the gym regularly (but honestly, who ever came up with that "meet people at the gym" thing? the most I've ever gotten to know anyone at the gym has been regular short conversations between sets, maybe it's different if you go to one of the expensive gyms that specialize in fad group workouts but that's not really my thing, I lift weights and I prefer to focus on my workout when I'm at the gym).
I was born and raised an atheist (so the standard "get more involved in church activities" advice people always pull out is completely worthless)
I've grown tired of bars and clubs, used to drink pretty much every weekend from age 13 to 24 or so, I've cut back a lot because I just got sick of it. I can still enjoy a good party but these days I just feel like an alien when I go to clubs and bars. Besides, in my home country even most small bars are really loud meat markets (I've lived in other places and noticed they had a slightly less binge-focused drinking culture but that's not where I am now, around here you're an alcoholic if you have a beer after dinner on Tuesday but perfectly normal if you chug a bottle of vodka and chase it down with a six-pack of beer on friday night).
Now, I do have a few hobbies and interests but they're honestly 90+% solitary activities, not social activities (for example, I like reading. But I like reading because I like reading, I'm not interested in reading books I'm not really interested in so I can discuss them with a bunch of other people in a book circle).
Where do I start? I've even looked at some online sites for meeting people (both dating sites and more friend-focused sites) and I've concluded that where I live these just aren't very popular to begin with, not to mention there are major compatibility issues (Example: OkCupid, all my top matches (which seem to actually be people I find interesting) are in other countries, the best match percentage I get within a 250 km radius of my current location is 76%, in California there are tons of women that match me 98+% according to OkCupid. Now, I'm not claiming their match algorithm is perfect but this should give you an idea of the selection online for meeting people around here. Mostly the dating sites are filled with women in the 40s and 50s and HS drop-out single moms with insanely high and seemingly arbitrary standards (which I, a physically fit single guy with five years of university studies hilariously enough don't measure up to).
I just don't really know where to start, I've moved around a lot in the past but then I've always had some "in". Either a local gf, co-workers, some old friend who moved there to study or work before me or something else that gave me a chance to meet new people but here I just feel like I'm sitting at home all day when I'm not grocery shopping or at the gym (and it should be mentioned that I live far north enough that between September and April you probably don't want to spend too much time outdoors).
I'm just not used to spending whole weeks at a time not meeting other people (other than minor chitchat with the cashier at the grocery store or someone at the gym between sets). Sure, I've never been big on socializing with people every day like my life depended on it either (like my latest ex-gf, if she had to be alone for more than a couple of hours she started going slightly crazy, her friends were similar) but at the very least I'd like to meet up over a beer or two on friday or saturday. Preferably also hang out with someone during the week. But now? It's been eight days since I saw any of the four people I know here (stoner dude came over for about an hour), before that? another six days with no human contact. Only contact I have with people right now is online or over the phone...
So, where do I start? what do I do? I'm starting to get that "I just don't fucking care anymore, might as well just fill a backpack and gtfo and go somewhere warm because my life is starting to suck really badly" vibe...
Before moving here I had a whole bunch of friends, most of them not very close ones but I could always find someone to hang out with or party with if I wanted to. Hell, most of the time I could be fairly certain that someone would contact me inviting me along to some party on Friday or Saturday night. Here? I know four people, two couples to be more specific. One couple is often off doing their own couple thing (dinners with extended family, romantic movie nights and all that) the others are total stoners who can on occasion be fun to be around but have a tendency to prefer just sitting around getting high and watching TV.
So, I need to meet new people, I need to make some friends but I don't really know how to.
I telecommute full-time (meaning all my contact with co-workers is online or over the phone).
I go to the gym regularly (but honestly, who ever came up with that "meet people at the gym" thing? the most I've ever gotten to know anyone at the gym has been regular short conversations between sets, maybe it's different if you go to one of the expensive gyms that specialize in fad group workouts but that's not really my thing, I lift weights and I prefer to focus on my workout when I'm at the gym).
I was born and raised an atheist (so the standard "get more involved in church activities" advice people always pull out is completely worthless)
I've grown tired of bars and clubs, used to drink pretty much every weekend from age 13 to 24 or so, I've cut back a lot because I just got sick of it. I can still enjoy a good party but these days I just feel like an alien when I go to clubs and bars. Besides, in my home country even most small bars are really loud meat markets (I've lived in other places and noticed they had a slightly less binge-focused drinking culture but that's not where I am now, around here you're an alcoholic if you have a beer after dinner on Tuesday but perfectly normal if you chug a bottle of vodka and chase it down with a six-pack of beer on friday night).
Now, I do have a few hobbies and interests but they're honestly 90+% solitary activities, not social activities (for example, I like reading. But I like reading because I like reading, I'm not interested in reading books I'm not really interested in so I can discuss them with a bunch of other people in a book circle).
Where do I start? I've even looked at some online sites for meeting people (both dating sites and more friend-focused sites) and I've concluded that where I live these just aren't very popular to begin with, not to mention there are major compatibility issues (Example: OkCupid, all my top matches (which seem to actually be people I find interesting) are in other countries, the best match percentage I get within a 250 km radius of my current location is 76%, in California there are tons of women that match me 98+% according to OkCupid. Now, I'm not claiming their match algorithm is perfect but this should give you an idea of the selection online for meeting people around here. Mostly the dating sites are filled with women in the 40s and 50s and HS drop-out single moms with insanely high and seemingly arbitrary standards (which I, a physically fit single guy with five years of university studies hilariously enough don't measure up to).
I just don't really know where to start, I've moved around a lot in the past but then I've always had some "in". Either a local gf, co-workers, some old friend who moved there to study or work before me or something else that gave me a chance to meet new people but here I just feel like I'm sitting at home all day when I'm not grocery shopping or at the gym (and it should be mentioned that I live far north enough that between September and April you probably don't want to spend too much time outdoors).
I'm just not used to spending whole weeks at a time not meeting other people (other than minor chitchat with the cashier at the grocery store or someone at the gym between sets). Sure, I've never been big on socializing with people every day like my life depended on it either (like my latest ex-gf, if she had to be alone for more than a couple of hours she started going slightly crazy, her friends were similar) but at the very least I'd like to meet up over a beer or two on friday or saturday. Preferably also hang out with someone during the week. But now? It's been eight days since I saw any of the four people I know here (stoner dude came over for about an hour), before that? another six days with no human contact. Only contact I have with people right now is online or over the phone...
So, where do I start? what do I do? I'm starting to get that "I just don't fucking care anymore, might as well just fill a backpack and gtfo and go somewhere warm because my life is starting to suck really badly" vibe...