New here! Needing support to stop Norco and Soma..

[sandy0033]

Ugh, ok Well I dont really know if I am posting in the right place, so forgive me if not.

Then:
Id like to start with saying I am sooo thankful to have found this site. I have been reading for two hours, and I am thankful to know other can understand what I am going through.

Anyway, my name is Sandy. I have been taking Norco and Soma for about 4 years now. ( Between 4 to 8 norco a day and 3 to 4 soma.) I started with very little for back pain, but now Its just something I always need. I thought I was fine because I get them from my doctor. I do go over my amount by maybe ten to fifteen pills a month, but for the most part I try to stay within my amount givin. Well last week I ran out way before I was supposed to. I realized I had over took while I was sick for 4 days. My whole family was sick, but me being the mom, I had to care for everyone else. I was only able to get up and do so with the help of my little pills.

So last week I ran out. I thought, no big deal. Ill call my uncle to get a few till I get a refill. Well he didnt have any. I then started to panic. I called everyone I could. I was then talking to my mom telling her I needed a refill. Her comment was yeah, because your hooked!

I knew in my own mind that I was hooked, but to hear someone else tell me that felt soooo humiliating. I right away jumped on the defenses, let her know that I was always in pain, and she had no idea what I go through.

I couldn't shake this shameful feeling. Meanwhile I was still looking for my pills. I had no choice because I needed them. Well I found some 500mg Vicodin. I paid the last of my money for the week on them, rather then getting gas in my car. ugh.

This is the moment I thought I cant do this anymore. I started to think long and hard about how much I have changed over the years. I realized I was not the same mother, wife, or women.. I thought about others who have made comments about my pills. How could I think no one knew. The whole time the joke was on me. I had been a fool in thinking this was ok. I had been a fool in acting like I was ok. I never hid my pill taking from anyone because THE DOCTOR GAVE THEM TO ME!!!! All I could do is cry. as I am taking my pills, I cry. I hate this! I hate that I need this. Maybe I can quit. Yeah, starting now! Ill see how long I can go? Maybe I am not as bad as I am thinking. (I lasted four hours)

I cried myself to sleep that night. I woke the next morning with my mind made up to quit.

Now:
I am proud to say, that I have cut my intake in half. I only have the 500mg, so rather then take a 10 Norco.

Now is the hard part. I feel so sad and alone all the time. My mom and sister stop in and look at me so wrong. I try so hard to play it off as if im ok, but I am not. My sister came over and asked if I want her to pray over me???? ugh, as if I didnt feel shitty enough. Now I told my mom I was going to try and stop the pills. I explained to her that it was going to be very hard for me, and I would need help with the kids. This has to be the hardest thing to tell someone. I felt like the smallest shit on earth.

So here I am one week latter and I have still such a long way to go. I am always filled with sadness. I feel so alone. I have a really good husband, but he does not understand. I told him my body hurt so bad and he told me to take another pill then. He will give me anything I want, but right now I need someone to tell me NO!! I am almost out of my 500's, so I put in for my refill. I am sooo worried that I will go back to what I was taking.

My problem is that I dont have a good kick plan. My mom only took the kids for a few hours. I have four children. Ages 14, 10, 6, & 5.. One of them always needs me for something. My husband works swing, and so all is on me. I dont like to see anyone, because I feel like they look at me and know. I cry a lot, and I dont like my kids to see me cry. I understand now that sadness is a big part of the WD.

I feel very weak minded right now. I know that I can feel better if I just take a few more. Ugh, I dont want to, and I will do my best not to. It helps to read. It helps to vent. I know I can do this! I will be posting updates. Thanks for any advice. 8)

 

[OTGee]

Better to go to the Dark Side forum, more people with experience there. Goodluck im sure you will be fine

 

[sandy0033]

Better to go to the Dark Side forum, more people with experience there. Goodluck im sure you will be fine

oh, I thought this was the dark side.. lol Im gonna have to learn this site a little better before posting, Thank you!

 

[DexterMeth]

He will give me anything I want, but right now I need someone to tell me NO!!

Then tell him this

 

[Missykins]

Rehab, baby, go to rehab. Confess to your doctor (he's not going to call the cops) and get to rehab. You'll be detoxed first and then placed into an intensive program. That's what I did and it worked.

But be prepared to learn that there's no cure. I went to rehab for ninety days (although 28 days is typical) and I go to AA at least five days a week, I have a sponsor, the whole deal. Yes, your family will survive without while you're gone. In fact, they will do better without you and you will only come back stronger.

 

[sandy0033]

Then tell him this

I did.. He does not understand what I am going through. He dont understand the shame. He just wants me to be happy. Where we come from addiction ment a whole nother thing. He thinks my pills are harmless. He believes the doctors know best. Pain killer addiction was something that I considered small time. I was a fool. I understand now.

Question?? Is this the dark side forum? It says so on my end, but maybe im lost? I would really like to chat with others going through the same thing.

 

[sandy0033]

Rehab, baby, go to rehab. Confess to your doctor (he's not going to call the cops) and get to rehab. You'll be detoxed first and then placed into an intensive program. That's what I did and it worked.

But be prepared to learn that there's no cure. I went to rehab for ninety days (although 28 days is typical) and I go to AA at least five days a week, I have a sponsor, the whole deal. Yes, your family will survive without while you're gone. In fact, they will do better without you and you will only come back stronger.

I have talked to my doctor, but not in a way that she thinks I have a problem. I just asked if their was a way to help my back pain without pills, because I was tired of all the pills. She did help a little.

Far as rehab, I cant do anything like that. Boy, would I love to. I wish I could, but this is something I have keep to myself. I am only able to post here because you are all strangers. I could not face the shame of telling anyone else. I wouldn't have anyone to help with my kids. I pretty much keep the family running, and my babies will not understand. They are never without me. I am limited on how I can do this, but my goal is to beat this thing no matter how long I have to tapper. I have came so far in just one week. I think its better to try on my own then not at all.. Thank you for your reply. I will still consider it.

 

[Missykins]

I have talked to my doctor, but not in a way that she thinks I have a problem. I just asked if their was a way to help my back pain without pills, because I was tired of all the pills. She did help a little.

Be explicit with your doctor. TELL HER you are abusing the medication and YOU NEED HELP. She can't help you if you're vague and pussyfoot around the issue.

 

[J.D.]

I had a huge problem with soma as well. I wasn't mixing with pain pills tho. But the soma made me soooo sad. It was weird. They also gave me seizures, I was always waking up in the emergency room having no idea how I got there....but mostly it was the sadness. I promise that part will go away. And they physical symptoms were not bad. In fact, I don't remember what they were like. I don't remember being sick or feeling queasy or anything. When I got over the sadness, and the temptation to take them to numb that sadness, I was much better. (I was also taking a LOT more than you say you are.)

As far as the norco...I've never had them, so I don't know. I'm not into opiates in pill form, I can take 'em or leave 'em. (Heroin, on the other hand is my best friend and worst enemy right now, but that's neither here nor there.)

You shouldn't have much problem, physically, coming off the soma. Maybe your doctor can help you taper off the norco?

Good luck, I hope you get through this ok, and don't have to go to an inpatient treatment or anything. Of course if that's what it takes...that's what it takes. Take care of yourself. And be kind to yourself, too.

 

[sandy0033]

J.D,
Thank you so much for your reply. Maybe this is making my sadness worse. I feel like I need the Soma to help me get off the Norco, because I only like the some when I take it with a Norco. Ive been without the Soma without any problems other then my mind set on needing them to add to my Norco high. Knowing others understand really does help.

Missykins,
I know what your saying is the truth. I will try to talk to my doctor. I am just so filled with fear right now that she may not care and cut me off. I think of all the what if's and I get soooo scared.. I planned on telling her as soon as the crap is out my system, so I make sure this dont happen again. Thank you for the advice.

 

[DexterMeth]

I did.. He does not understand what I am going through. He dont understand the shame. He just wants me to be happy. Where we come from addiction ment a whole nother thing. He thinks my pills are harmless. He believes the doctors know best. Pain killer addiction was something that I considered small time. I was a fool. I understand now.

Question?? Is this the dark side forum? It says so on my end, but maybe im lost? I would really like to chat with others going through the same thing.

You should bring him with you to some NA meetings and see what the people there tell him after you tell them your current situation with the pills.

And ya, this is The Dark Side. Not sure exactly what you were expecting, but we don't all have the same life as you. Just keep posting and you'll find people to relate to.

 

[itsok]

why not try some mxe? it has had great results for me personally and my friends as well as other anecdotes I have read online for ppl addicted to opiates and benzos with just 1-2 days of usage. Just let the ppl around u know what u are taking, why, and its effects, and have a sitter, and try not to take a larger dose <snip>.

 

[dahkstar]

u need help from people who get that you're an intelligent, capable, loving, strong woman.
u will go back 2 what u were taking. promise.
it's not your fault but U R THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN CHANGE YR GUARANTEED DESTINY. and that means u can't do it alone.
not cuz yr weak. or an asshole. or a bad daughter sister wife or mother.
u, my dear, r addicted.
quitting is like this: u stand under water relieved yr done w that terrible life of breathing. u start to need air, which u can c is just a foot above yr head, but yr determined. as it gets worse u find that all yr focus is on the air above. all u have to do is take a breath and u will feel better. but there's a little pollution in that air that might hurt u...someday. SOMEDAY??? who gives a shit about some day, u.need.air.now. u have things to do, people who need you. u can't stand here suffocating in agony when everyone around u thinks yr just being dramatic. or lazy. now yr lungs r screaming BREATHE. [maybe just a quick breath.] it really hurts. it sucks [just enuf to feel a little better] y doesn't this stop? i want it to. im not a loser. im not a junky, for goodness sake. im a mom! i have teeth!(bad joke sorry). ALL I THINK ABOUT IS THAT AIR. [just breathe. no one wants u to suffer. if they knew how it feels they'd MAKE me breathe]. ok but tomorrow im gonna stop.
honey u will go thru this over and over. and over.
know y i used that analogy? the part of yr brain affected by addiction is the part that makes us swim to the surface if we fall overboard. it has no thought, no conscious, no understanding. its function is one: SURVIVE AT ALL COSTS. period.
u r not a bad person. wudn't it b easy if u were? u cud just say screw it and breathe til u die.
yr not going to want to do this but if u have insurance call and ask for a referral to outpatient addiction counseling. there they will ask all the questions u answered above. u will not have to convince them yr not bad, just stuck. they're not allowed to tell u about the judge who had the apt b 4 u, or the famous woman anchor news lady in the next room, or the mom who wants to save her life and family.
if no ins go to county hospital 4 detox. i was too scared the 1st 25 times i tried to stop, but when i finally did? no big deal. yr in a reg hospital room, tv etc, in ugly pj's til yr hub brings you some nicer if u want. they bring yr meals just like reg. patients, plus meds that reduce yr cravings along w whats leaving yr system.
ps tell them when get to detox hosp. yr sick. shimmy and shake. u can't eat sleep or take fluids. u haven't slept in 3 days and u vomit and have the runs. otherwise they'll make u wait til these come true AND THEY WILL.
u can do it baby. don't say u can't leave yr kids. people get gall bladders out etc all the time.
yr leaving them temporarily so they don't have to grow up WITHOUT U.
do it honey just do it. just do it.

 

[dahkstar]

thght i posted reply but dont c it. did u?

 

[dahkstar]

yr family doesn't have to get it, if u do.

 

[motherofearth]

First off, welcome, and I'm sorry your realizations concerning your addiction come with so much pain and sadness. However, while no one here on TDS has your unique experience, many of us deal with generally similar problems in terms of addiction and recovery.

I'll ape the wisdom of the BLers who already replied and say my first thought reading your post is you need to tell your doctor. If you don't feel ready for an inpatient detox, they will help you gradually lower your dosage, or try to alternate medicines; the point being, you will not be relinquishing your control by informing your doctor the medicine they've prescribed you has become a destructive force in your life. Yet, if detox sounds productive, ultimately it will help you be a more reliable person in lieu of your absence.

As family goes, I've recently come to my own breaking point of "no more of this." While I'm still struggling, I've found transparency with my family to be a source of constant reinforcement, and several times my level of openness w/ them has helped me narrowly avoid a relapse. My father has little to no understanding of addiction, never mind a heroin habit, yet after his initial shock, he's made a real effort to support me b/c he knows I want out. I can only hope your family will provide the same level of support, but either way, I think it will help you move forward and out of addiction.

I've only had here and there experience with somas, so I can't speak to the addiction's part in sadness. But when I took more than a day away from my habit I was encountered by a flood of emotion like never before in my life. I think this probably is as true for someone addicted to heroin, alcohol, benzos, somas, and so on. We have a backlog of pain, frustration, and emptiness too long ignored, and naturally this emotional overflow presents itself as our heads clear. This is all the more potent when you've done cruel, manipulative, or morally-lacking things for your drugs. I hope you can learn to cry and process it as I do: a rush of life, letting you know you are infinitely more alive than when you were on drugs.

Best of luck, stay strong, and again: welcome.

-MoE

 

[Smokey_McPot]

good stuff moe^^

your doctor wont cut you off. she might switch you to a weaker dose or switch you to something different such as tylenol 3, tramadol, or even a suboxone taper. just be honest with your doctor and together yall will figure it out. doctors are here to help! (well... most of the time lol)

i suggest looking into suboxone, start researching it now, and at your next appointment ask your doctor about it and if she thinks it can help your situation. good luck!