• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

New here but will be gone soon

chase_in_56ace

chase_in_56ace

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 28, 2010
Messages
585
Location
south FL
Hey guys, nice place u got here. Been a lurker for a while so figured id contribute a little.

Be easy on me now yall, im a longtime fl blues n 80s addict, n theres not much left of me. Used to weigh 225 now im barely 150. I shoot 600mg of oxycodone a day at least. Used to be worse. Just sayin if I OD again and dont come back, ive accepted it.

Lick ur 30s if they bitter they real,
Never put ur money in anyones hands unless u see the berries first,
Use clean rigs n never share.
Move away from FLA if ur a strugglin blue addict like myself.

Im basically gone, so peace and love. Baddd case of Endocarditis and reoccuring seizures
 
Sounds like you are going through hell, chase, and I am sorry to hear it. Are the seizures caused by the heart condition? There is such a sense of resignation in your words. My heart breaks over that. I know that where you find yourself now, solidly addicted, physically beaten down and hopeless must feel terribly lonely. Maybe here in TDS you can find support for regaining some hope as well as a community that cares about your wellbeing. Be sure to read the guidelines for posting at the top of the page (TDS has some slightly different guidelines than other parts of the forum) and then please jump right in. Welcome to you and peace to you, too.<3
 
Don't ever, ever give up! As long as your walking and talking, you're still living! I don't know exactly what your going through, but I can relate and empathize. We all have those times where getting up in the morning seems to be harder than climbing a mountain in a blizzard! But get up anyways. If there is even one thing in your life that you hold dear besides your addiction, hang on to that, it may be the one thing that can keep you going when everything else seems hopeless. No matter how deep you are in your addiction, find something you can focus on, even if it's just a beautiful sunset or a walk on the beach, or the sun on your face. There is so many little things to enjoy that we often ignore in our pursuit of our DOC. Take a step back and just feel alive for a minute! I really hope you get better, and get through this!
 
Hey Chase sorry to hear you feel so bad.
Don't give up mate, keep fighting every day until things look brighter.
Stick around even if if you use it as a big Fuck You to certain people.
Hope we hear from you mate.
 
Imagine, if you did get clean, how many people you could help that are struggling to get clean? You came here and posted for a reason, and I hope you finally say "IM WORTH IT" and get the help you so desperately need! I don't even know you and I know YOU ARE WORTH IT! If you're still breathing you still have a shot at getting clean! I pray for you that you do!
 
Yeah Im from southwest florida, Ft myers to be exact. I was hooked on blues as well, they're everywhere in this damn state. I recently moved away and a lil farther north to tampa. Haven't touch blues in about 15 days, it helps being in a new town where you don't know anyone.
 
I apologize for my ignorance, but what are 'Florida Blues'?

Imagine, if you did get clean, how many people you could help that are struggling to get clean?
Click to expand...
This is a reason, maybe better than any, but I doubt you can see it right now through all the bullshit.

You're not worthless
You're not too far gone
You're not alone
 
OP,

You need to realize that what you are feeling/experiencing is completely normal. Using and abusing and detoxing and starting all over again do a number on our brains ability to adapt. Eventually the brain does. But during acute withdrawal, which I am assuming you are in by the tone of your post, your neurochemistry is all screwed up as your brain is interpretting whether or not it needs to start replacing feel good chemicals like dopamine and serotonin that were being flooded into your brain un-naturally via the roxycodone/oxycontin.

It takes a few weeks for your brain to even it itself out, but during this time you need to understand that what you are feeling will pass and you must not make rash decisions based entirely on how you feel at that moment. I know for me, my most successful detox occurred when I was put on an anti depressamt before I started detoxing. I am not saying this is the solution for you, I am just trying to demonstrate how screwed up our brains become because of the opiates.

Give it time and I promise you that you will start to feel a shift...a change. The brain is amazingly adaptable and if you give it enough time you will feel better.

PM me if you wanna talk more or have any questions....
 
Blues are an epidemic in florida. Roxicodone. IR 30mgs. The pills are blue, which is why we call them blues. They are prescribed like crazy, and they are every where in florida.
 
Thx for the support guys. Im going to be assessed by an outpatient rehab monday, and no I was not in acute wd when I posted this, im really just stretched that thin. Chest paim comed ecvery few days, goes away when I sleep, but I always feel a lil tightness. Like somethimg is "there."scary shit. They tell me the seizing is from neurotoxcicity or something, basically im just shot the fuck out. But in all honesty thx foe the @words of encouragement they mean a lot to me. God has been sending me signs lately. Im 100% sure that this is it.

Im face2face w my own mortality n the reaper has been getting in my dreams lately. I wake up screaming. My gf is so scafred bc ive NEVER done fthat. I will die close to immiediately if I dont quit n that is all there is to it. Plz pray for me. In return I give u all something from the deepest decesses of my mind..

Ice cold, no veins left. Im a freight train bound for a town called death.
Im a plane not slated, just delayed;
Need a belt on my arm, tie it hard, like my waistband.
Been thinking.. All ive ever known;
Hanging on lile a chord but dont pick up td phone no more.
Got money but im poor from the inside out; dont know
What u rich kids talk about

Ace.
 
chase_in_56ace said:
Ice cold, no veins left. Im a freight train bound for a town called death.
Im a plane not slated, just delayed;
Need a belt on my arm, tie it hard, like my waistband.
Been thinking.. All ive ever known;
Hanging on lile a chord but dont pick up td phone no more.
Got money but im poor from the inside out; dont know
What u rich kids talk about

Ace.
Click to expand...

Ace - beautiful words! The really strike a chord for me, and others here I'm sure. I know we all feel empty and 'poor' inside - like life has no meaning, no purpose, no worth without drugs. have u've been given the option of a replacement therapy? given ur level of dosage and genuine need for the pain relief, i would think you would be an excellent candidate for methadone.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top