New..Forced Withdrawal

[StopthisRide]

So, I never thought of myself as an addict. I met a fellow user who told me as long as we are using for a medical reason, its not considered addiction. That is what her doctor told her. I guess she felt it justified her use and I guess in a way, mine too. I am college education, considered myself a pretty smart person. Not intending on being arrogant. But my mindset explains why I think I am so naïve. I considered myself up to date on issues of abuse, worked in HR and have a strong background in Psychology. So, what...who cares... once you are prescribed Percosets...all that goes out the window.

I started about 3 years ago. After taking about 12 years to get diagnosed with an inflammatory arthritic condition, I was prescribed to help with the pain. I started low and worked myself up to 15mg..6-7 times a day. You all know the drill, I know I am speaking to the choir. 10 is not enough, 1 is too many... Anyhoo, my husband and I decided to move to a warmer climate to help with my pain levels. Here I could swim, walk daily and sit in the sun. With the new scheduling for Percocets, I didn't realize the extent of how bad some areas are. We moved here and when I went to fill my legal script, they wouldn't do it. I went to 5 different pharmacies and got the same answer. I was like Oliver twist, asking can I please have some more. So with 2 pills left, I was forced into W/D. I had 2 left, so I took one in the am and then 1 in the pm on my last day. That was Friday. So today I am in day 2 or 3, depends if you count. Please feel free to feed my delusion and agree that it is day 3... I so want this to be done!! I know if was a forced deal for me, but truthfully, I had been considering going off for some time. I, like a lot of people, told myself that I could taper. What a crock of crap that was. No way I could do it or have done it. I hit an all time low this past week by searching in the kitchen garbage for a pill I dropped. It. was. humiliating...

I have Baclofen on hand, Imodium, Tagamet and Tylenol pm. Frankly, I really hate the thought of putting any of these pills in my mouth..

And, I have support. My husband is oblivious to the process of withdrawal and the demons associated. He didn't want me to come off the percs because he can't stand to see me in pain. He is mad as hell at the pharmacies for not filling my prescription. And is suffering along with me.

I stayed online most of the night. I read thru a lot of your posts and I give you guys a lot of credit. It takes a lot of time, money and work to stay addicted and then, even more strength to quit. Bless all of you, users and sober. I don't wish this private hell on anyone.

oh and Just a Guy, the March quote you posted, brightened my day!! Thanks for posting..

 

[BlueSaffron]

Stay strong! Them not filling your script may be a blessing in disguise (although I think it's insane that they won't fill a legal prescription). Just know that the feeling bad isn't forever. One thing that helps me is knowing that every minute of me feeling bad is actually :::fixing::: me, because my body isn't going to produce it's own endorphins again unless it feels a lack of them because we're not feeding it fake ones. Every minute of the aches and pains and sweatiness and runny nose, ect, is telling your body - "produce endorphins, now! I dont know what the hell is going on but we need to ramp up production, stat!" Its just going to take a few days for your body to fully catch on and be like "oh ok, the fake stuff isn't coming anymore". But it'll happen. And every day you're high or well on opiates is telling your body - hey no need to produce feelgood chems, we've got an outside source!

You could try taking a few immodium if you wanted, but just be sparing with it. If you're this far in the best thing to do is go through it I think.

Good luck