• NMI Moderators: Coffeeshroom

New Bluelighter - Recovering problemed user, now only rec once and awhile. Tons of experience and knowledge to share!

ItzCritz

Bluelighter
Joined
May 19, 2021
Messages
136
Location
Florida
---- Bio/Story/ who I am V
Hey there, name's Evan, but unless we are both on a firstname bases call me Critz which is my gaming handle I am 28 years old, I live in Florida near Tampa. My wife πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘¨πŸ‘« lives' in the Philippines near Metro Cebu, and I plan on moving there in 2022. I LOVE VIDEO GAMES, I ride motorcycles, and I love rock and metal music from 1980s to today. I listen to other genre's too. I am a Super Kind, laid back, and sweet mannered guy. Someone everyone of your mother's would meet and say aw that guy is really nice or sweet or a good guy. Full of myself there I know, but it will be the only time just to make my point clear :) <3

I am a sort of, but not 100 %true recovering addict , because It's a lie to say I am sober, but I am sober by my standard's and its truly amazing where I am at in life now. I turned into an addict originally being introduced to Hydromorphone 8s and IVing them and Oxycodone at 17 years old not knowing what I was actually doing to myself or life thinking it was a one off thing.. I escalated my use very quickly and was selling everything I ever owned, homeless, rehab, being robbed, attacked then totaling 6 πŸš— πŸ”₯cars by the Time I was 24. TWO IN ONE DAY MIND YOU, the RENTAL IMMEDIATELY AFTER ARHGHH. NEVER WAS ARRESTED, and I lived in a halfway house for a year and I was the only one there that did not have a record. Never stole from others, and never attacked anyone except out of self defense.

I have been to rehab 3 πŸ₯(maybe 4 I forget) times. At 22 My addiction changed into smoking Cracked Cocaine. Finally on April 21 2017 I almost killed myself crashing my car losing control and flying over 4 lanes of a "divided by a grass median" road with a 50mph limit. I ran into a road barrier blocking a 10ft drop into a swamp. My Air bag didn't Deploy.. I escape with a simple concussion. Went to rehab the last time 3 days later begging my parents for one last chance to prove my desire to improve my life, and well here I am almost 2years of being "sober from being out of control, and ABSOLUTELY no IV ing opiates or cracked cocaine"

πŸ’‰ ☠️Last relapse was on heroine in May 2019, with my friend from a halfway house we lived in. He stayed with me to finish drug court and 2 days off supervision we both convince each other to get some Heroine. By July, I lost my apartment, went back to my parent's one final time which is where I am right now. Kevin died August 2020, of an OD someone left him in a motel room in Largo/clearwater Florida, and ditched when it happened. FL HAS LAWS PROTECTING YOU if you call in an OD and even if you are carrying. You should still hide your shit, if this is you in a similar situation because it'll be confiscated, but you won't get a record or arrested.

I will occasionally drink, smoke weed, I am prescribed subs and almost off them completely. I also am prescribed Adderall 20mgs and I love them. MY curse drug up next Remeron (mirtazapine, for sleep trying to quit rehab put me on it and I CANT beat the insomnia) and I occasionally buy Crystal to supplement the Adderall, and take small micro doses orally twice a month. LOVE cocaine, love Excstasy but impossible to find no one ever has it, and my circle is small now just a couple of well established shops. LOVE smoking Crack/Meth, but I avoid doing this at all costs or my life is ruined.. And my fav drug of all is Hydromorphone's (Dilaudids) via IV. I caught Hep c back in 2011 and was cured via Harvoni in 2014 still clear as of a blood test in 2020. The rush is radical.

***but as I've said most of this is behind me, just crystal orally, My prescribed ADD meds, and ex or coke if I ever find it for a once every 3 to 6 months type deal. ANYWAYS

Lastly, I am an Accountant and will have my Bachelor's in December, I was a high school valedictorian, Deans lister for my college 13/13 quarters so far (I suck at writing skills, English and grammar I am a number's guy so this lil fact about me is not a lie, I am just grammatically inept). No one expected me to turn to drugs when I was younger, I suffered from Anxiety and Major depression and my emotional growth was delayed as a teen. And well HERE WE ARE πŸ˜†πŸ‘©β€β€οΈ


EDIT** There is so much more to my story, and if anyone has any questions, It's just so hard to condense it all into one post, I could write a book about 2008 to 2018, I came from a life of privilege and everything handed to me, to spitting in that life's face and ruining it, but now back to a close version of what it should have been. I wasn't educated enough on what I was doing to myself at 17 and truly the mentality I can do this a few time's just to have experienced everything led me down the dark abyss, and I never enjoyed being an addict after the first month. I did not want to be one and tried getting sustainably in control over and over again for years. Otherwise I am a super nice guy, who outside of lying about use lives by a 100% honesty policy. I am very in touch with my emotions/ sensitive to them (my wife used to joke asking if I was gay lol) I have deep feelings of love for my family, my wife , and all friends who come into my life, Online through videogames, In real life, or otherwise!
‍
 
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TLDR: Friendly guy, ex out of control addict, doesn't live by A.A rules and still is a casual user. Lurked for nearly 8 or 9 years, hoping to contribute, make sincere friends, or new gaming buddies. Lastly hoping my experiences; good bad and everything in between, and my knowledge I have learned or acquired over the years can be of use to someone, reduce harm, save a life, or give hope! Thank you :)

New Member Questions*
1. How long was it from first browsing Bluelight to joining up as a member? Weeks, months, years?
I have been browsing BL since anywhere from 2010 to 12, but I am unsure of the original year. Anyways it is a long time still!

2. Do you remember how you came to find Bluelight? Was it from a web search, from a referral from another website, from word of mouth, from social media, or some other way?
A friend, so word of mouth as my GO to place to learn, to find out about harm reduction, and share/ hear other's expierences

3. Thinking back to when you first began using Bluelight, what drugs had you used prior to that - including psychoactive prescription drugs, alcohol, cannabis? Had you already tried powdered drugs like cocaine, meth, heroin, ketamine, MDMA powder, etc? or not yet?
Canabis, Spice, Cocaine, Blues, Hydromorphone(dilaudid), Fentanyl, Morphine, Opana's, LSD, Research chemical 2-c1 (worst expierence of my life and have semi retired from pyschodelics, only tripped twice since and that was 9 years ago. ) Cracked cocaine, Heroin, shrooms, Excstasy (my personal favorite havent been able to find oraquire since 2011) , and molly (probly Meth supposedly MDMA), Methamphetamine, Suboxone, Kratom, Methadone, Klonopin, xanax, Diazapam.
4. Thinking back to when you first began using Bluelight, what routes of administration had you tried prior to that? E.g. snorting, injecting, other ROAs?
I have done most of the well known ROA's, including Smoking, Snorting, Parachuting, Sublingual, IV, and only plugged once. Probably missing something can't think of it lol
 
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Hey, bro. What it is?
Welcome to BL. Not gonna lie, Imma have to go back and read a lot of the post but just wanted to say 'Hi" and let ya know that we gotcha, man. Heard?
Love ya and please be safe. Will be back inna bit but please make yourself comfortable.
Peace,
6
 
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Hey, bro. What it is?
Welcome to BL. Not gonna lie, Imma have to go back and read a lot of the post but just wanted to say 'Hi" and let ya know that we gotcha, man. Heaed?
Love ya and please be safe. Will be back inna bit but please make yorself comfortable.
Peace,
6
No worries, It's a lot Thought I'd be as thorough as possible on my intro post, so I don't have to re tell the overall story multiple times, and can link people here if the need ever arises. I hear ya =D No rush Ill be checking BL 3 to 6 times a day as time permits.

Nice to meet you 6 and can't wait to learn more about you soon! Critz
 
can't wait to learn more about you
Ha! Bro, reading through your posts is like me looking in a mirror. So many comparable traits that I felt like I was reading a diary... well, not exactly but you know....
I tried to get back yesterday but soon as I posted the welcome it was time to go down the mountain and acquire victuals. After that the grass needed cutting, cats needed baths, had to dismantle and port an 80lb "portable" AC from top floor to bottom and reinstall, installed a ceiling fan on front porch to blow the fucking mosquitoes and shit off us this summer, cooked dinner, took an hour shower and other than the 100 other things going on the day was done and I was passed out. :)
Good morning, Critz, and every other(s) who are browsing BL. Thought I would post before things start cranking up around here so here I is and here I goes.
Jah protect I coming in and I going out. Lets just make it a goal to keep on moving, no? Static causes stasis and stagnation, IMO. Past my projected shelf-life. Using this time to correct "wrongs" and being a servant to others... maybe this can ease my conscious.?
Anyway; the part about using on your own time struck a chord with me. It seems that most do not throw in with this type of addiction as it rarely works out for those who aspire to such a goal. It wasn't so much of a goal for me but more a compromise. I do love my drugs as they kill "pains" that are persistent and harmful if not dealt with. Substances seem to hinder my healing mostly but I must say that halucinagenincs (decades ago) has been a HUGE factor regarding illusions and sleight of hand... these "life skills" do not appear to "leave" and are only built upon. Problems abound yet reminesing about the times that were a hell of a lot darker makes my current situation a breeze. Still, though... problems are problems until worked through. Life can be hell but it is just as much heaven if we look for it.
Not religious in the least but I do take from all and twist it to my needs. ;)
See ya around, friend.
Wont be getting on BL regularly for a while but will check in a coupla times a week just to get my bread.
Love always,
6
 
Hey there @ItzCritz and Welcome to BlueWorld

Glad to hear you have come so far with your addictions and gain control in a way.
Im sure you will find a lot of info and like you said, any info, advice or self exp would be welcome for current and future members.

Regards
CoffeeShroom
Greetings @Coffeeshroom
Haha mostly yes, I am 100 % retired from IV and Opiates except for getting off my subs I have been on for 2 years, At 1/8th of a 1mg strip every 12 to 16 hours. NO PIPE for uppers either, I however do use pipes for cannabis.

I was afraid to come on BL in the dark days, besides simply for lurking. Reason being is I would of used the information garnered here to my impending doom. It's a miracle I am about to graduate college at all.

Anyways Great to meet you, catch you in the other threads soon.

Regards
Critz
 
Ha! Bro, reading through your posts is like me looking in a mirror. So many comparable traits that I felt like I was reading a diary... well, not exactly but you know....
I tried to get back yesterday but soon as I posted the welcome it was time to go down the mountain and acquire victuals. After that the grass needed cutting, cats needed baths, had to dismantle and port an 80lb "portable" AC from top floor to bottom and reinstall, installed a ceiling fan on front porch to blow the fucking mosquitoes and shit off us this summer, cooked dinner, took an hour shower and other than the 100 other things going on the day was done and I was passed out. :)
Good morning, Critz, and every other(s) who are browsing BL. Thought I would post before things start cranking up around here so here I is and here I goes.
Jah protect I coming in and I going out. Lets just make it a goal to keep on moving, no? Static causes stasis and stagnation, IMO. Past my projected shelf-life. Using this time to correct "wrongs" and being a servant to others... maybe this can ease my conscious.?
Anyway; the part about using on your own time struck a chord with me. It seems that most do not throw in with this type of addiction as it rarely works out for those who aspire to such a goal. It wasn't so much of a goal for me but more a compromise. I do love my drugs as they kill "pains" that are persistent and harmful if not dealt with. Substances seem to hinder my healing mostly but I must say that halucinagenincs (decades ago) has been a HUGE factor regarding illusions and sleight of hand... these "life skills" do not appear to "leave" and are only built upon. Problems abound yet reminesing about the times that were a hell of a lot darker makes my current situation a breeze. Still, though... problems are problems until worked through. Life can be hell but it is just as much heaven if we look for it.
Not religious in the least but I do take from all and twist it to my needs. ;)
See ya around, friend.
Wont be getting on BL regularly for a while but will check in a coupla times a week just to get my bread.
Love always,
6
HEY 6, Good morning, Itz Critz here! Well when you get on more often send me a PM, would love to chat on a personal level. Unfortunately this was the compromise of my sobriety, as Total sobriety has crashed and burned the merry go round about 7 or 8 Times. I have a really great internal medicine doc / suboxone doctor. He actually turned me onto Adderall despite only have ADD without the hyperactivity. He thought having something to kind of lift my mood would keep me on the straight and narrow (narrow as I can be).


You live in Hawaii? I'm guessing from a town called Ondo Cona? Well anyways

Hope to hear from you soon when your around a lil more. I am agnostic with a pinch of Christianity for the wife. She hate's when I say Jesus wasn't born on Christmas, there were shepherds in the fields, among other references from the book that points towards March or Early April.

Catch you next Time
Critz
 
@ItzCritz umm are you me??? We are eerily similar in a lot of ways. Welcome man!

I am a recovered heroin addict and I still use alcohol, cannabis and kratom yet also consider this "sobriety" in my own terms. Everyone has their own path.

I also have a big heart. Welcome
 
fdsafsda
@ItzCritz umm are you me??? We are eerily similar in a lot of ways. Welcome man!

I am a recovered heroin addict and I still use alcohol, cannabis and kratom yet also consider this "sobriety" in my own terms. Everyone has their own path.

I also have a big heart. Welcome
@SnafuInTheVoid
Hey man, how are you!!! Thanks for the warm welcome. Really needed a place to come and talk about these things, because my friends don't know, nor my family. Though my family knows I am an addict they sent me to rehab etc, helped me get better.

I love Kratom, altho I get a lil out of control, they actually put me back on subs after I couldn't stop the kratom after the last relapse. June 2019. Big heart, yeah I am all about people who are proud at being decent fucking people on the inside. No one's perfect, but we do our best.

Yes, my biggest issue is actually stopping the Remeron and subs before I move to the Phillippines. My Adderall I can quit on a moments notice with 4 days to rest, I drink 2 to 3 times a week. Smoke weed raaaarely. I quit smoking Cigarettes 2 years ago!!! and only use Grizzly Winter green pouches (dip) that I only use 2 pounces once at night.


Now the one stickler people will say hmm is he telling the truth, "when critz says just supplementing adderall with crystal orally, is he really doing just that". Yes that drug is extremely easy to get hooked on, SO I can get carried away in a one day span, but never wake up wanting more or it the next day. It's only if my prescribed meds run out. #2 as long as I don't smoke it from the hypnopipe of lost willpower. I'm good.



LAST THING,

SnafuInTheVoid is that I TYPE AND TALK WAY TO MUCH AND THOROUGHLY, SORRY in advance to all future thread/ responses that are long :( AND I WILL BE QUITTING all of my medications illicit and prescribed the goal is by January 22. Moving to be with my wife, AND THIS GOAL IS NON NEGOTIABLE​


Hope to learn more about you best regards
Critz
 
fdsafsda

@SnafuInTheVoid
Hey man, how are you!!! Thanks for the warm welcome. Really needed a place to come and talk about these things, because my friends don't know, nor my family. Though my family knows I am an addict they sent me to rehab etc, helped me get better.

I love Kratom, altho I get a lil out of control, they actually put me back on subs after I couldn't stop the kratom after the last relapse. June 2019. Big heart, yeah I am all about people who are proud at being decent fucking people on the inside. No one's perfect, but we do our best.

Yes, my biggest issue is actually stopping the Remeron and subs before I move to the Phillippines. My Adderall I can quit on a moments notice with 4 days to rest, I drink 2 to 3 times a week. Smoke weed raaaarely. I quit smoking Cigarettes 2 years ago!!! and only use Grizzly Winter green pouches (dip) that I only use 2 pounces once at night.


Now the one stickler people will say hmm is he telling the truth, "when critz says just supplementing adderall with crystal orally, is he really doing just that". Yes that drug is extremely easy to get hooked on, SO I can get carried away in a one day span, but never wake up wanting more or it the next day. It's only if my prescribed meds run out. #2 as long as I don't smoke it from the hypnopipe of lost willpower. I'm good.



LAST THING,

SnafuInTheVoid is that I TYPE AND TALK WAY TO MUCH AND THOROUGHLY, SORRY in advance to all future thread/ responses that are long :( AND I WILL BE QUITTING all of my medications illicit and prescribed the goal is by January 22. Moving to be with my wife, AND THIS GOAL IS NON NEGOTIABLE​


Hope to learn more about you best regards
Critz

BL is a part of my social life in a way and people who I can talk to and RELATE to, like you said. We're big on supporting eachother, one big family.

I was on 30g per day of kratom at one point. I can understand how someone could take it further but it gave me bad side effects above that daily amount personally. I take about 12g/day now. Been on it more or less 9 years now. I'd have a bigger issue not abusing subs everyone's different.

Good for you getting off cigs man. I switched to vape 3 years ago and also use to dip. Grizzly man myself. 2 pouches is barely any not that bad. I was a can per day guy, but haven't dipped in years.

I certainly couldn't moderate meth use but I believe some people can. Not that weird.

Again welcome man and I look forward to any advice I can provide to help you go live happily ever after with the wife.

Peace!
 
Hey there @ItzCritz
Welcome to Bluelight :)

We share a lot of the same interests and glad that you are a member here on Bluelight. I must say it is a great place to meet like minded people, and you seem pretty chill. You will do good here, I see it in you.

Can I ask which 2c chemical it was that gave you such a bad experience?

Hydromorphone/K4s were my downfall. Would but those fucking things daily. Really took me to some dark places and to another trip to rehab, but hey I guess when you get strung out on K4s you ultimately end up in places like rehabs.

Any who welcome my guy.
 
Hey there @ItzCritz
Welcome to Bluelight :)

We share a lot of the same interests and glad that you are a member here on Bluelight. I must say it is a great place to meet like minded people, and you seem pretty chill. You will do good here, I see it in you.

Can I ask which 2c chemical it was that gave you such a bad experience?

Hydromorphone/K4s were my downfall. Would but those fucking things daily. Really took me to some dark places and to another trip to rehab, but hey I guess when you get strung out on K4s you ultimately end up in places like rehabs.

Any who welcome my guy.
Ugh yeah, I would do anything to get my fix when I was withdrawing from Hydros, gosh what a mess at 17 years young... had no clue how quickly and drastically it changes your Prefrontal cortex/Basal Ganglia/ and extended amygdala. I thought I was experimenting and 2 or 3 times just so I knew what it was like, but was too late.


To be honest IDK it is either 2-cb or 2-ci . when my friend gave it to me at first. Our mutual friend gave a bunch away and my direct friend saved one for me. At first, I was told it was LSD , so I took the entire dropper and my friend GOES "NO WHY DID YOU DO THAT!" Well he obviously didn't tell me, or never would of taken it. My friend then says "Oh it's some research chemical a lot of people have been using to trip lately". WELL, THANKS FOR THE WARNING 🀬 🀬 I'll have to do a trip report I remember the general experience, and it was f**king awful.

Appreciate Everyone's warm welcomes!

Critz
 
Ugh yeah, I would do anything to get my fix when I was withdrawing from Hydros, gosh what a mess at 17 years young... had no clue how quickly and drastically it changes your Prefrontal cortex/Basal Ganglia/ and extended amygdala. I thought I was experimenting and 2 or 3 times just so I knew what it was like, but was too late.


To be honest IDK it is either 2-cb or 2-ci . when my friend gave it to me at first. Our mutual friend gave a bunch away and my direct friend saved one for me. At first, I was told it was LSD , so I took the entire dropper and my friend GOES "NO WHY DID YOU DO THAT!" Well he obviously didn't tell me, or never would of taken it. My friend then says "Oh it's some research chemical a lot of people have been using to trip lately". WELL, THANKS FOR THE WARNING 🀬 🀬 I'll have to do a trip report I remember the general experience, and it was f**king awful.

Appreciate Everyone's warm welcomes!

Critz
Damn dude, yea the K4s i had got were evil. I'd cop in the hood, hit up a shitty corner store, grab a cup of hot water and straw, go back to my car, chew the k4, back load, draw and slam. rush was so god damn intense. until that one time my boy didn't have any, just had boi, so i got a tenth of boi (never done it) and figured if 1 k4 is like half a tenth of grey then i would be good right (at least when i calculated like dollars $15 for a 4, 20 for a tenth so $10 was good right?)
well wrong, I overdosed, and luckily (long story short) got narcaned on the pavement next to some dudes car i was sharing my point/rig with.
needless to say, i had some more left over, and once i got out of the hospital i did more. but didn't slam. so yea there's that.

the times i did the 2ci was great. heres the link where my bluelight buddy and i did 2ci(first time i joined bluelight) (I am D btw on there)
Had a great time minus the weird shit that happened but was fun none the less.
the 2ce was weird as well, i was living in a sober living type of place and would sniff a bump of 2ce back when we/bluelight had a tinychat live camera thing, and would trip balls with people on here. was good. and was able to conceal it for the most part. ended up getting kicked out down the road because i got on methadone( another long story)

but yea, lol sure you will fit right in here. :)

oh yeah, and you HAVE to like measure RCs using scales, or else like bad shit can happen.
 
but yea, lol sure you will fit right in here. :)

oh yeah, and you HAVE to like measure RCs using scales, or else like bad shit can happen.
It was actually already put on like one of those droppers films you put in your mouth, yeah pretty sure it was 2cb after looking at your link!
 
Hey welcome @ItzCritz! Great name btw. I have noticed you on other threads and you seem to fit right in with our crew here. I like your take on some of the things here. Hope you stick around!

Sincerely,

πŸ§™β€β™‚οΈ
Hey Wiz!!
Thanks for the warm welcome. I sometimes tend to upset people unintentionally as I can come off as a know it all. it's not nor ever my intention. I will always always always say what I believe, if I believe whatever the topic I am speaking about to be true. Biggest thing to know with me, is never take anything I say as an insult or personal or directed as to put someone down! I am a super nice guy. Love everyone, never been in a fight (well a fight that's not drug/jug related even then never a physical fight) Maybe twice a year someone I meet mistakes me for being gay, due to being a "sweet heart" and more on the feminine side of the emotional sensitivity scale. I do not however seem or act feminine in my gestures, mannerisms, or how I dress or talk.

Anyways I talk a lot, it's a curse of mine! My wife loves that I ramble away, she says I am never boring when I explain to her how we see back in time looked at a star 1000 light years away, so we are seeing what happened1000 years ago hehe and start asking her if I teleport to that star could I somehow see the dinosaurs on earth if I was 100m light years away.... WELL ANYWAYS


I will be sticking around, I may not be on everyday, but day's I am on I will be active throughout.


THANK YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE FOR THE WELCOMES, LOVING BL so FAR as a contributor instead of a LURKER
 
---- Bio/Story/ who I am V
Hey there, name's Evan, but unless we are both on a firstname bases call me Critz which is my gaming handle I am 28 years old, I live in Florida near Tampa. My wife πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘¨πŸ‘« lives' in the Philippines near Metro Cebu, and I plan on moving there in 2022. I LOVE VIDEO GAMES, I ride motorcycles, and I love rock and metal music from 1980s to today. I listen to other genre's too. I am a Super Kind, laid back, and sweet mannered guy. Someone everyone of your mother's would meet and say aw that guy is really nice or sweet or a good guy. Full of myself there I know, but it will be the only time just to make my point clear :) <3

I am a sort of, but not 100 %true recovering addict , because It's a lie to say I am sober, but I am sober by my standard's and its truly amazing where I am at in life now. I turned into an addict originally being introduced to Hydromorphone 8s and IVing them and Oxycodone at 17 years old not knowing what I was actually doing to myself or life thinking it was a one off thing.. I escalated my use very quickly and was selling everything I ever owned, homeless, rehab, being robbed, attacked then totaling 6 πŸš— πŸ”₯cars by the Time I was 24. TWO IN ONE DAY MIND YOU, the RENTAL IMMEDIATELY AFTER ARHGHH. NEVER WAS ARRESTED, and I lived in a halfway house for a year and I was the only one there that did not have a record. Never stole from others, and never attacked anyone except out of self defense.

I have been to rehab 3 πŸ₯(maybe 4 I forget) times. At 22 My addiction changed into smoking Cracked Cocaine. Finally on April 21 2017 I almost killed myself crashing my car losing control and flying over 4 lanes of a "divided by a grass median" road with a 50mph limit. I ran into a road barrier blocking a 10ft drop into a swamp. My Air bag didn't Deploy.. I escape with a simple concussion. Went to rehab the last time 3 days later begging my parents for one last chance to prove my desire to improve my life, and well here I am almost 2years of being "sober from being out of control, and ABSOLUTELY no IV ing opiates or cracked cocaine"

πŸ’‰ ☠️Last relapse was on heroine in May 2019, with my friend from a halfway house we lived in. He stayed with me to finish drug court and 2 days off supervision we both convince each other to get some Heroine. By July, I lost my apartment, went back to my parent's one final time which is where I am right now. Kevin died August 2020, of an OD someone left him in a motel room in Largo/clearwater Florida, and ditched when it happened. FL HAS LAWS PROTECTING YOU if you call in an OD and even if you are carrying. You should still hide your shit, if this is you in a similar situation because it'll be confiscated, but you won't get a record or arrested.

I will occasionally drink, smoke weed, I am prescribed subs and almost off them completely. I also am prescribed Adderall 20mgs and I love them. MY curse drug up next Remeron (mirtazapine, for sleep trying to quit rehab put me on it and I CANT beat the insomnia) and I occasionally buy Crystal to supplement the Adderall, and take small micro doses orally twice a month. LOVE cocaine, love Excstasy but impossible to find no one ever has it, and my circle is small now just a couple of well established shops. LOVE smoking Crack/Meth, but I avoid doing this at all costs or my life is ruined.. And my fav drug of all is Hydromorphone's (Dilaudids) via IV. I caught Hep c back in 2011 and was cured via Harvoni in 2014 still clear as of a blood test in 2020. The rush is radical.

***but as I've said most of this is behind me, just crystal orally, My prescribed ADD meds, and ex or coke if I ever find it for a once every 3 to 6 months type deal. ANYWAYS

Lastly, I am an Accountant and will have my Bachelor's in December, I was a high school valedictorian, Deans lister for my college 13/13 quarters so far (I suck at writing skills, English and grammar I am a number's guy so this lil fact about me is not a lie, I am just grammatically inept). No one expected me to turn to drugs when I was younger, I suffered from Anxiety and Major depression and my emotional growth was delayed as a teen. And well HERE WE ARE πŸ˜†πŸ‘©β€β€οΈ


EDIT** There is so much more to my story, and if anyone has any questions, It's just so hard to condense it all into one post, I could write a book about 2008 to 2018, I came from a life of privilege and everything handed to me, to spitting in that life's face and ruining it, but now back to a close version of what it should have been. I wasn't educated enough on what I was doing to myself at 17 and truly the mentality I can do this a few time's just to have experienced everything led me down the dark abyss, and I never enjoyed being an addict after the first month. I did not want to be one and tried getting sustainably in control over and over again for years. Otherwise I am a super nice guy, who outside of lying about use lives by a 100% honesty policy. I am very in touch with my emotions/ sensitive to them (my wife used to joke asking if I was gay lol) I have deep feelings of love for my family, my wife , and all friends who come into my life, Online through videogames, In real life, or otherwise!
‍
How did you meet your wife if shes living over seas?
 
Pandemic really has been hard, its the only reason, im over doing it using my ADHD meds at the moment.
I got really lucky man, my life was pretty dark and void for most of my adult life. Wasn't as bad as some others hardship wise, but my emotional state was a cancer that i couldn't Ever shake.
Cardinal rule I learned was never find happiness from someone else when it doesn't come from with in first. Took a massiverisk, but she's a fucking sweet honest angel and way too good for me. Idk how much longer I would of gone at the rate of my last 2 relapses. Escalating exponentially in H bought and no fear size of the shots.
, Wasn't suicidal per say, had hope for some happiness eventually to have a fulfilling life,, but from 15 to 24 really couldn't care less if I woke or not everyday from sleeping.. Seemed to be a peaceful release as before I was born was a much longer span of time, and it seemed instant and peaceful for what Billions of years. The thought was appealing to my old life mindset


I thank God about 100 times a day, ( agnostic but I still do directly to him)I just everyday wake up and that 2 seconds you dont remember nothing then come too..
FAVORITE MOMENT EVERDY REMEBERING STEPH AND ME ARE TOGETHER..

For once I'm not afraid to die for the right reasons, only if it is for protecting my fledgling family!!

Can't visit her either PH will only let me in if we enter the country thru customs together til covid regs back off nd allow vexed tourists. ( yes they classify me as such unless we enter together its dumb...) been a long year Nd then some
 
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