Vacuumhed
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 30, 2009
- Messages
- 82
Am I the only one who is neurotic in the way of being fixated of someone. It's not love, this is a guy I am talking about and I myself have a penis, neither am I interested in relationships with guys. It's fucking driving me crazy, I feel like some mad mad stalker as I have to check this guys deviantart and newgrounds profile at least once every 3 days. I've tried to contact this guy several times but failed as I suck at making friends or contacts both on internet and the real life. This just creeps myself out for being so creepy and I need to put an end to it. My personality has been wrecked.
I think my obsession began when I watched an animation from this guy on a site called newgrounds, where people can upload artwork such as flash animations, music and pics. Something about this animation was just... amazing, although it wasn't close to a decent one. I checked out his profile, read through all of his posts that now counts up to over a thousands. WHile being a huge admirer like he was some kind of god, I was also very envious due to all the talents and attention he got, which I never have. I hate and like him at the same time, simply put. Got so far of being delusional I could kill him by thinking "Die motherfucker" repeatedly the whole night, and as you see I am bipolar.
Soon he became my model and I had to act the same way as him, wear the same style of clothing, same hairstyle, listen to the same music and yes, imitate every aspect. OFC, I am myself having my own original personality that can not be rewire, but I've always despised it. Actually, I've always wanted to be something I am not, but this guy I am talking about now has remained the perfect example of how one should be for 10 whole years. I've forgot who I am and now it's impossible to make new friends, they notice something is horribly wrong with me.
Could go on and on about my psychological issues, I have nearly as many as the stars you can count up the dark sky. There must be something that births all these symptoms, and if I can fix that, everything will be gone.
What I got so far is a clue to the "cure" for what may be a symptom, OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder) that I have many of. Eh, if you've watched "Deuce Bigalow: The European gigolo" and think I am talking about something what that girl has, you're way off track. If you can relate, then try to help yourself out by doing anything. Just try anything, even if it sounds unlikely and something only a child would believe, but first option would obviously be seeking a good professional experienced therapist which you hardly find.
I hardly believe anyone can relate, but there is a slight chance. This is a drug site after all, and many drug users do suffer from psych problems. Input if you can, and if not, then maybe you have something to add like insulting me.
This will be my last thread on here, I am done with drugs. Besides that nobody wíll be able to like me, meaning there is no point in taking part of a community where you are supposed to discuss and make friends, something I am not capable of. Not trying to sound like an attention whore, I'm just desperate. Seriously, what kinda fucking help is there to get rid of problems like this. I'm so confused in a world that makes no sense to me. I'm down down down down, just falling down down down, keep falling down down down. Hitting the bottom is inevitable, that time will come. I don't know when, but some time.
This may be a mix of TDS and HL, but it's the health part I want some suggestions with, not being consoled or shit like that.
I think my obsession began when I watched an animation from this guy on a site called newgrounds, where people can upload artwork such as flash animations, music and pics. Something about this animation was just... amazing, although it wasn't close to a decent one. I checked out his profile, read through all of his posts that now counts up to over a thousands. WHile being a huge admirer like he was some kind of god, I was also very envious due to all the talents and attention he got, which I never have. I hate and like him at the same time, simply put. Got so far of being delusional I could kill him by thinking "Die motherfucker" repeatedly the whole night, and as you see I am bipolar.
Soon he became my model and I had to act the same way as him, wear the same style of clothing, same hairstyle, listen to the same music and yes, imitate every aspect. OFC, I am myself having my own original personality that can not be rewire, but I've always despised it. Actually, I've always wanted to be something I am not, but this guy I am talking about now has remained the perfect example of how one should be for 10 whole years. I've forgot who I am and now it's impossible to make new friends, they notice something is horribly wrong with me.
Could go on and on about my psychological issues, I have nearly as many as the stars you can count up the dark sky. There must be something that births all these symptoms, and if I can fix that, everything will be gone.
What I got so far is a clue to the "cure" for what may be a symptom, OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder) that I have many of. Eh, if you've watched "Deuce Bigalow: The European gigolo" and think I am talking about something what that girl has, you're way off track. If you can relate, then try to help yourself out by doing anything. Just try anything, even if it sounds unlikely and something only a child would believe, but first option would obviously be seeking a good professional experienced therapist which you hardly find.
I hardly believe anyone can relate, but there is a slight chance. This is a drug site after all, and many drug users do suffer from psych problems. Input if you can, and if not, then maybe you have something to add like insulting me.
This will be my last thread on here, I am done with drugs. Besides that nobody wíll be able to like me, meaning there is no point in taking part of a community where you are supposed to discuss and make friends, something I am not capable of. Not trying to sound like an attention whore, I'm just desperate. Seriously, what kinda fucking help is there to get rid of problems like this. I'm so confused in a world that makes no sense to me. I'm down down down down, just falling down down down, keep falling down down down. Hitting the bottom is inevitable, that time will come. I don't know when, but some time.
This may be a mix of TDS and HL, but it's the health part I want some suggestions with, not being consoled or shit like that.
