Need Stimulants To Feel Normal

[mdpv69]

Ok so I have always been a tweak freak I have always done Rtilan and adderall since the age of 14 but it was only an occasional thing up until about 8 months ago. Anyways long story short I had a gf who would give me her 27 and 36 mg genaric concerta every day and her brother would always sell me his 30 mg aderall. This became an every day thing me snorting all those pills some months i would just buy her whole bottle off her and both the 27 and 36 mg bottles would be gone in less then a week. Thats kind of due to the compulsion to re dose and my lack of will power on that one. We had a really bad break up and after all that was done about 3 months ago i got into a-pvp and have been vaping that instead of doing pills.
In the past 8 months the longest I managed to be sober for was 5 days (before i got on the a-pvp). I have not been without lately though and dont want to be sober. It seems the drug have took over my life Its all I want Its all I think about and I have even lost interest in hunting and fishing. I used to be obsessed with hunting and fishing but now im obsessed with getting high. I want to stop because i already know Im addicted and am on a really self destructive path I sold my prized possessions just for dope. I pushed away my family and they all know im on drugs but wont say anything to me because they dont want to believe it themselves.

What should i do? I Just am not happy unless im high and am not even happy when im high.

 

[Maya]

^OP have you considered exercising as a way of feeling happy instead of drugs? Maybe you should try other options first you know before you say I am not happy unless I am high. Do not wait until there are other consequences you face before you realize that drugs have already taken over everything in your life.

 

[caseface99]

Welcome to Bluelight mdpv69!

I'm sorry to hear that you've been having trouble with addiction to stimulants. The good news is that you are not alone. There are tons of people, including myself who can relate to all the feelings of helplessness, misery, and disappointment. I know you feel like you want to keep getting high right now, but also feel like the drugs are causing your problems - I know how confusing these contradictory feelings can be, and how hard they can be to deal with. I would suggest maybe doing some serious thinking about what you want to do. It seems like you are at a crossroads right now, where part of you wants to get clean but part of you doesn't care and wants to keep using, and this is totally normal. Though if you are on this website reaching out for help, it's clear that a pretty large part of you wants to get clean. The addiction guide linked in my signature may be able to tie you some incite on the addictive processes that you have been going through, and potentially help you realize that you are suffering from a form of defective thinking.

How much have you thought about getting clean? Have you seriously considered it, or are you just at the point where you aren't really sure of what to do? There is hope, and you don't have to keep using drugs. The truth is that you won't ever gain happiness from a substance, and won't ever be able to become happy again if you continue using.

 

[tpops123]

Yeah I know that feel OP. I used to be on Vyvanse for 4 years, and started to abuse it the last two years. I actually got off of them 2 months ago in January because I got caught abusing them. I was abusing it from 210 mg-420 mg a day for like 7 days until I ran out and would have to wait sober for 3 weeks until my next script. But ya I was always worried I'd get caught or something because of how shitty life would be without it. When I did actually get caught everything inside me just died, the thing I feared so much happened probably one of the shittiest days in my entire life.

Anywho, forced to live without stims now I had to just tell myself to stfu and deal with it. After about two weeks I actually started to feel better and almost kinda started to feel naturally stimmed, but still not quite "stimmed" as actually being stimmed.

By 1 month I felt completely normal and was able to actually be interested in shit again and the thoughts of "this would be so much better on stims" started to become less noticeable. Then one day I got tempted and bought a benzedrex inhaler, I've done them before and knew how they felt, which to me it feels 100% like Vyvanse. Now I have been buying inhalers at like 5 different walgreens/cvs's daily for he last 3 weeks. So ya now I'm stuck back in square 1
crippin ain't easy

 

[omnipresenthuman]

Ok so I have always been a tweak freak I have always done Rtilan and adderall since the age of 14 but it was only an occasional thing up until about 8 months ago. Anyways long story short I had a gf who would give me her 27 and 36 mg genaric concerta every day and her brother would always sell me his 30 mg aderall. This became an every day thing me snorting all those pills some months i would just buy her whole bottle off her and both the 27 and 36 mg bottles would be gone in less then a week. Thats kind of due to the compulsion to re dose and my lack of will power on that one. We had a really bad break up and after all that was done about 3 months ago i got into a-pvp and have been vaping that instead of doing pills.
In the past 8 months the longest I managed to be sober for was 5 days (before i got on the a-pvp). I have not been without lately though and dont want to be sober. It seems the drug have took over my life Its all I want Its all I think about and I have even lost interest in hunting and fishing. I used to be obsessed with hunting and fishing but now im obsessed with getting high. I want to stop because i already know Im addicted and am on a really self destructive path I sold my prized possessions just for dope. I pushed away my family and they all know im on drugs but wont say anything to me because they dont want to believe it themselves.

What should i do? I Just am not happy unless im high and am not even happy when im high.

it's time to stop, bro. for your health.

besides, once you don't even get high when you should be high, that means you are way, way too used to the pills - your tolerance to amphetamine is gone dude - it's already over

I've been there with stimulant addiction, it went on for a year and a half with a relapse a few months later...it was Adderall, Vyvanse, Ritalin, and Focalin, but mostly Adderall...with the addy, I usually just did 40-60 mg a day, but I went on some multiple 150-200 mg a day binges here and there

You've already been fucking around with your money/possessions and your family, the only thing left to fuck around with is your actual LIFE and how far you can go making your body unhealthy...it's only going to get worse and worse, obviously.

I possibly have permanent damage from my previous Adderall use, and I swear I went on my last set of pills with full knowledge of the dangers and my past history, but the addiction's that strong.

Put them down while you can and you'll feel a lot better...this isn't like opiates or H, you probably won't overdose while tweaking, but you can definitely leave permanent damage behind on your heart, it happens to people all the time

and oh yea, this shit does depend on your age...once you get to mid-late 20's, your body is not nearly as resilient to dealing with the amphetamine overload.

 

[AdBenz]

As someone going through similar shit right now, the thing that's most important to remember, I think, is that the shittier your life gets around you because of the addiction, the harder it is to kick a stimulant -- or any euphoric and addictive drug -- habit, so every dose you take is compounding the problem by making your habit stronger and the other things in life that can make you happy less available. I hope that made sense. If you have the time and the funds I would look into getting some help from a professional cuz it sounds like you're in this pretty deep and isolation will undoubtedly send you deeper.

 

[herbavore]

As someone going through similar shit right now, the thing that's most important to remember, I think, is that the shittier your life gets around you because of the addiction, the harder it is to kick a stimulant -- or any euphoric and addictive drug -- habit, so every dose you take is compounding the problem by making your habit stronger and the other things in life that can make you happy less available. I hope that made sense. If you have the time and the funds I would look into getting some help from a professional cuz it sounds like you're in this pretty deep and isolation will undoubtedly send you deeper.

So true. Addiction is full of so many traps like this. I think one of the things that can help is to actually reframe your thinking around happiness. People chase happiness in so many ways, through drugs, through accumulation of stuff, through endless relationships. If you can stop seeing happiness as a state unconnected to the choices you are making in your life you can start to learn from your unhappiness. As Adbenz said, you have to create an environment where happiness can occur.

Good luck and have patience with yourself. You are making a huge life-change and that is never smooth nor easy. One step at a time making small changes that last.