Need some advice w family / religion

[theartofwar]

I really care for my family, they are goin thru a tough time atm. Both my parents always have been strict protestant as far as religion goes. Great people, but to them that is the start of everything for life. Now I haven't been to church for ages, but my father has been on my case some recently about it, i figure I should just tell him my own beliefs - I'm 25 moved out 3 times only moved back cuz they wanted to make sure I wasn't dead lol. The thing is, in all seriousness I don't want to crush either my dad or mum, what's the best way to go about this ? I love my family and do not want to hurt them - anyone who has had parents who were super religious , you KNOW how real this is to them. This is their reality, and I'm denouncing it so I need to do it properly and respectfully. Any advice, seriously, ty.

 

[skinwalker]

Number one thing is to respect your family's beliefs....even with as hard as it may seem. Practice religious tolerance......eventhough everyone (i should say most) practice the opposite. By doing so you can still respect their beliefs without having to scrutinize everything. These are the types of things that put strains on family, such as in the case of mine.
No matter what you are always your fathers son you guys just have to find a way to get past it and you guys will.....if religion is your fathers thing respect it and if he wants to start getting into religious discussions with you that is when you can voice your thoughts/ideas without attacking his beliefs. If you respect his then it will be a little easier for him to take in consideration of yours, but don't scoop to the same level if things get heated!
We spend alot of time investing in our beliefs so we will protect them if we feel they are being attacked....same way with your dad, he just wants you to be happy by finding the enlightenment he has through religion.
I am saddened that religion has seperated us so much that we can't focus on what is really important, TIME -we are wasting our time with our loved ones with all this pettiness/we need to cherish the moments we have together before its too late!! Good luck!
....pm me if you want specifics into my situation

 

[theartofwar]

Thank you for the your post skinwalker, was very helpful. My father teaches theology at a seminary, so to say i grew up in a bible belt type household - wouldn't be far from the truth bro. I was drilled the bible, and know it well. I am sure at some point we will talk about his views and mine, but I am much more of the type who accepts rather than tries to say this is why I'm right, let me prove you. I don't think being right is 100% possible in areas of religion, this is my opinion obviously.
I couldn't agree with you more, as I grow older and time flies by the thought of separating from those you love / having them leave you over religion is truly a disaster.
Again ty for your help and support.

 

[Jerry Atrick]

Skinwalker has some good advice. I was in a similar situation several years ago. I was going through some rough times and had to move back in with my devoutly protestant parents.

Being an atheist is tough when they're always trying to get you to go to church. I never outright told them I was an atheist but still refused to go to church. The only solution I could find without coming out of the atheist closet was to save up my money and move out as fast as I could. I still haven't told anyone in my family about my beliefs, but since I don't live with them anymore and only see them a few times a year it's a lot easier to dodge the issue.

I know it may not seem healthy to avoid being honest with your own family, but I never claimed to have a healthy relationship with any of them anyways. I love all of them, but I know if I told them I was an atheist, they would treat me differently and it would make the situation much worse. I prefer they live in blissful ignorance of my beliefs. It doesn't seem fair because I don't judge them, but they surely judge me.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

You don't have to denounce it is my opinion. Just say you have differing opinions to theirs.

Just stay on topic, and respectful in the sense that you're not trying to insult them.

If they can't be mature with you, then just forget trying to convince them otherwise. However, I think your parents will value what you have to say as long as you stick to the point and are careful with your word choice.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Openly rejecting the family religion is tough. Its done much more easily when someone isn't under their parent's roof by my observation. Anyone who is dependent with their parents or living with them ought to really give a thought to if it is going to be worth it.

People who are living independently still ought to give a thought as to if it is worth it.

I think coming out of the closet about religious dissent,alternative sexualities, drugs, and many other topics is pictured as being liberating but often turns out to not be so. Going head to head on the religion issue can be hurtful to all involved without any benefit. I suppose sometimes it is liberating or clears the air but I suspect that it works out that way a minority of the time.

 

[B9]

Openly rejecting the family religion is tough. Its done much more easily when someone isn't under their parent's roof by my observation. .

I reckon you observed well, unfortunately some people will use earthly levers to try to force their beliefs to be upheld by others, which may lead to a war between the people involved which may continue indefinitely.

 

[Vader]

I think this would probably be better suited to SO than P&S. Mods, feel free to send back if it doesn't fit.

 

[theartofwar]

Thank you all for your responses. Things have been out of control a my fathers place, I've just managed to be allowed to stay there for one more chance at treatment or it's off to the shelter !! We actually have talked and religiously things of such manner have gone well !!! However, heroin on the other hand.... lol... wish me luck there fellas. Agan apprecie ot;

 

[Max Power]

Looks like I'm joining late and my advice might fall on deaf ears BUT . . . .

try and focus more on what you share in common rather than any differences. Love, kindness, compassion. These are things everyone should practice, not only those who are involved with any religious faction. If you remain calm and non-aggressive, that should help bridge the gap. Just remember it takes time and you will never be able to change their minds so don't even try!