Well it happened. I took a half tab and it blew me away; "if this is only half...
". It started out pretty rough; I was dancing around to some Doors and jumped into the air, at which point the whole mood took on what I imagined to be similar to being in a spacecraft launch and hearing "...1 ...blastoff" (or whatever they say ahaha). Except I was not as "ready" as I expected for such a journey. I ended up panicking a good bit, blacking the fuck out from the adrenaline, and then finding myself on my stairs, eyes shut (quite cozy in fact), seeing this pink holographic pyramid enclosed in a circle (not so much illuminati style, but it looked like a model of it, 3D blueprint that was pink) which was then surrounded by patterns of green alien faces.
I opened my eyes and returned to a general mood of confusion and panic. I had to call a friend over. Had to find my phone. Searching for it I found that I fucked my face up really good; deep, 3 inch gash on my forehead. I scotch-taped it closed
A few friends eventually showed up and they eventually left, so I decided to just lay on my bed and try and hang on. Then things turned "good".
I started peaking hard and it blasted me into a whole new world. I was seeing, but it didn't matter where from. I was aware of my body, but it didn't matter. It showed me exactly what I had feared and it was so potent and full of life, after I let go of trying to hang on to myself. It was simple, so simple. I hesitate to say "beautiful", because it wasn't anything, but it was great. It took on a nature of a lesson; I would literally ask a question and I would be given the answer to anything. I think people are so confused about "what the meaning of life is" because they expect some lurid legend or fairy tail that will blow their mind and unlock the secrets to the universe, when really the answers are so simple, and that's why people ignore them. Stuff like "Be here now" etc, are gocked at because everybody wants a fairy tail; a fairy tail that is "true". But I think the fact is that we don't know truth is; it's not any one thing; it's the lack of things. The silence in which sound comes; the darkness that gives birth to light; the nothingness in which our perceived somethingness comes from. Our somethingness is a story we tell ourselves to pass the time, per say. Life is meaningless, so we spend our time just sharing stories. "That's a lamp", "I'm a human"; we're all just story tellers. And I don't mean that in a cynical way... what else is there to do?
The thing is today, we're so attached to our stories, ignorant of the fact that it's a story; meaning that, it will come to an end. You know that feeling when you're reading a good book and you get really invested in the characters, and you're nearing the end of the book, and you're already dreading it down inside; to close the book, say goodbye, and eventually pick up the next one. That is death; death is just change. To say goodbye to our character at the end of this life.
To live in fear is the equivalent of reading through a book, and worrying about what the very last sentence of the entire book says. It's going to say the same thing no matter what, so you may as well just let go of your fear and not spoil the whole story with your anxious fit. But it ultimately doesn't matter; you can go on fearing if you want because there'll be another story after this one. "You'll" either be anxious for eternity or just get sick of being anxious and perhaps start living life. It's just cooler that way... haha... And if you really don't like your life, I suppose you can just skip to the last sentence and get on to something better...
Our "soul" is nothing; it's what allows 'something' to be; that contrast is necessary. The darkness in which light comes; the silent, attentive reader who experiences the stories.
Other than that, playing guitar was something....... I was Jimi Hendrix for while....... Not in the sense of "wow I'm so good at guitar I must be Hendrix", but I felt like I was drinking from the exact same creative well that Jimi drank from. I didn't become him, it felt like I was him all along, like it was me. Again not in the egotistic sense of idolism, it was like being at home, nothing weird. I barely noticed it actually... I just kept going... just kept playing and singing the first things that came to me. The entire experience seemed like one mush of sensory explosions. I wasn't playing AND listening AND feeling everything bend and ripple in colour, it was one whole. What I felt came out in what I played, and what I played effected how I felt and these in turn influenced my environmental warpings which influenced how I felt and what I played. One smooth electric mushy ball of experience. It all was so bendy and liquid. It dawned on me that simplistic music doesn't necessarily imply that the musician is relatively unskilled, but perhaps that they're so preoccupied feeling it all that they don't spend as much energy on elaborate finger articulation on a fretboard for example. That sure as shit what I was feeling; I was so consumed by the myriad of sensations that I didn't give a fuck what I was playing for the most part because it felt astounding.
One'v the highlights of my "jam" was when the floor of my room gave out. All my lights were off, so I couldn't actually see my floor, so it didn't actually feel or look like it was there. It was just void, like I was in a spaceship with a glass floor, looking down into the nothingness of space. There was nothing but a green star (laptop charger light), which I promptly started to sing about. Something about the green star coming so far just to see and speak through me...
At one point I was groping around my floor in the dark looking for something and a targeting HUD appeared briefly; orange holographic squares to help shoot my hands out at the ground accurately. Lots of subtle sound effects too. It almost doesn't feel like it happened in a way, like I was so preoccupied that I took very few notes in memory about what was happening.
It's been a groggy day, yet peculiar. Your motor skills sure get fried for while after... but yeah it was super.
Thanks to all for your advice!
