iLoveYouWithaKnife
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2002
- Messages
- 8,351
Where's the breaking point.
When can I get everything I want.
When can I achieve my fucking goals.
It seems like when I stop being a waste,
and I start to get my shit together again,
something, SOMETHING else happens
to prevent it.
I slip back into my hole again,
because what's the use anyway.
You'd think I'd be used to it now.
You'd think that.
It's my destiny.
But time and time again,
I let all of this negative things
rip me open,
leaving me with nothing.
Not a single ounce of hope.
One positive brings
a million and one negatives.
I usually try to bite my lip,
always trying to prevent it
from quivering.
Keeping my eyes wide open,
long enough to dry the tears
before I blink and they start
running down my face.
But sometimes, I just can't do it.
I get so miserable
when you are on the phone
with uncaring people,
who are just 'doing their job'.
But seem not to realize
they are being complete assholes.
Especially if THEY are wrong.
And no, no I am not going to let it rest
when there is over eight grand
in student loans and I'm being charged
double my interest rate.
You are damn right I want that retro.
That money could end up paying
ANOTHER loan, which I seemed
to have forgot about.
And went into collection.
I will get this all straightened out.
I will. I have to.
I grow slightly estatic to the
phone call that led to
'you're car is done'
And even though there was
dollar signs in their eyes too...
It was the fact that after not
being able to do it 3 weeks,
I could now slip in my car
and drive away from my life,
from the world, as I blast the
stereo, and the music consumes me.
But when I get there to pick it up,
go more in debt,
I realize my temp plate is expired.
That fat fuck who screwed me over
never sent me another.
Great.
Need music. Need to drive.
Adjust the mirror....
Oh and what the fuck is this?
I see.
Some fuck decides to slash my roof.
Tried two other times, left a two inch mark.
What the fuck? What the fuck?
I could feel my blood pressure rise.
Need music. Need to drive.
I'm slowing relaxing
as I'm engulfed by this pounding.
I drive all the way.
Dumb ass me...... has to get there faster,
right?
Decides to run that red light....
And now there's red and blues
blinding.
Umm hmm...
I knew it all along.
But I'll continue to sing this song
and hum along while I look
for my registration.
My window goes down, my eyes go up.
Oh yes, hello there, are you a cop?
My mind is racing.....
to I be friendly and just blurt out
"I know that my plate is expired too,
but i just got the car back
and wanted to get it home,
everyone's taking my money
or destroying my stuff
and no one is willing to give
anyone a break."
But the lights distract
and I say nothing as I agree
I'm the owner of the vehicle.
i'll be back.
Sitting there twenty minutes,
all I could think is
Need music. Need to drive.
And I thought
what if I just left.
Yeah, of course I'll get in mpre trouble,
over some silly traffic violations,
whatever.
I just want to drive.
I could act flirty,
or even start to cry.
Which would go over better?
I don't know...
so I sat there
and twirled my hair.
And turned the stereo up
to remain calm.
"I'm going to let you off easy"
105.00
What? For running a light?
I thought silently.
Hmm... I wonder if he saw the plate.
He had to of.
A little flirty does you just right.
I thought about how anxious
I was, since I decided to
take some summer classes.
I don't want to wait until the fall.
Who the fuck am I kidding.
I can't afford it.
I am suppose to be saving
for those vacations
and for school
and paying off my loans
and my bills up to date.
mailed out seven parking tickets today.
School application fees,
my piece of shit pricy car.....
that needs every fucking part in the world,
But it's just the one I had to have.
So I broke down.
No music could stop this.
I called you,
because I know I could be grumpy,
I just needed you.
But instead,
you yelled at me.
So I hung up.
My cycles all wrong
and I'm so emotional.
This isn't right.
Another thing wrong with me.
Just tact it on to all the others.
Last month,
I sat in the bathtub in cried.
And you walked in, asked what was wrong.
And I said everything.
You kissed me, walked away.
Everything is wrong again
like always,
but I can't deal with it
sometimes.
If only my
needs music, needs to drive
theory worked all the time.
When can I get everything I want.
When can I achieve my fucking goals.
It seems like when I stop being a waste,
and I start to get my shit together again,
something, SOMETHING else happens
to prevent it.
I slip back into my hole again,
because what's the use anyway.
You'd think I'd be used to it now.
You'd think that.
It's my destiny.
But time and time again,
I let all of this negative things
rip me open,
leaving me with nothing.
Not a single ounce of hope.
One positive brings
a million and one negatives.
I usually try to bite my lip,
always trying to prevent it
from quivering.
Keeping my eyes wide open,
long enough to dry the tears
before I blink and they start
running down my face.
But sometimes, I just can't do it.
I get so miserable
when you are on the phone
with uncaring people,
who are just 'doing their job'.
But seem not to realize
they are being complete assholes.
Especially if THEY are wrong.
And no, no I am not going to let it rest
when there is over eight grand
in student loans and I'm being charged
double my interest rate.
You are damn right I want that retro.
That money could end up paying
ANOTHER loan, which I seemed
to have forgot about.
And went into collection.
I will get this all straightened out.
I will. I have to.
I grow slightly estatic to the
phone call that led to
'you're car is done'
And even though there was
dollar signs in their eyes too...
It was the fact that after not
being able to do it 3 weeks,
I could now slip in my car
and drive away from my life,
from the world, as I blast the
stereo, and the music consumes me.
But when I get there to pick it up,
go more in debt,
I realize my temp plate is expired.
That fat fuck who screwed me over
never sent me another.
Great.
Need music. Need to drive.
Adjust the mirror....
Oh and what the fuck is this?
I see.
Some fuck decides to slash my roof.
Tried two other times, left a two inch mark.
What the fuck? What the fuck?
I could feel my blood pressure rise.
Need music. Need to drive.
I'm slowing relaxing
as I'm engulfed by this pounding.
I drive all the way.
Dumb ass me...... has to get there faster,
right?
Decides to run that red light....
And now there's red and blues
blinding.
Umm hmm...
I knew it all along.
But I'll continue to sing this song
and hum along while I look
for my registration.
My window goes down, my eyes go up.
Oh yes, hello there, are you a cop?
My mind is racing.....
to I be friendly and just blurt out
"I know that my plate is expired too,
but i just got the car back
and wanted to get it home,
everyone's taking my money
or destroying my stuff
and no one is willing to give
anyone a break."
But the lights distract
and I say nothing as I agree
I'm the owner of the vehicle.
i'll be back.
Sitting there twenty minutes,
all I could think is
Need music. Need to drive.
And I thought
what if I just left.
Yeah, of course I'll get in mpre trouble,
over some silly traffic violations,
whatever.
I just want to drive.
I could act flirty,
or even start to cry.
Which would go over better?
I don't know...
so I sat there
and twirled my hair.
And turned the stereo up
to remain calm.
"I'm going to let you off easy"
105.00
What? For running a light?
I thought silently.
Hmm... I wonder if he saw the plate.
He had to of.
A little flirty does you just right.
I thought about how anxious
I was, since I decided to
take some summer classes.
I don't want to wait until the fall.
Who the fuck am I kidding.
I can't afford it.
I am suppose to be saving
for those vacations
and for school
and paying off my loans
and my bills up to date.
mailed out seven parking tickets today.
School application fees,
my piece of shit pricy car.....
that needs every fucking part in the world,
But it's just the one I had to have.
So I broke down.
No music could stop this.
I called you,
because I know I could be grumpy,
I just needed you.
But instead,
you yelled at me.
So I hung up.
My cycles all wrong
and I'm so emotional.
This isn't right.
Another thing wrong with me.
Just tact it on to all the others.
Last month,
I sat in the bathtub in cried.
And you walked in, asked what was wrong.
And I said everything.
You kissed me, walked away.
Everything is wrong again
like always,
but I can't deal with it
sometimes.
If only my
needs music, needs to drive
theory worked all the time.
