Need it, I don't want it.. But I fear when I'm not on it...

[Createdbeauty]

Hydro, 10/325.. Constantly for over a year now. Trying to get off but get horrible aches and zero energy under 10mg morning dosage (usual 15-40 morning dose, maybe another 15-30 late afternoon).. Never let it get any worse because I'm a single mom of 3 (2 under 2, which is how I started.. Nice energy bump after the first pregnancy) and a makeup artist. I don't wanna be bad.. But I don't wanna be good either. Ughhh. I know my tolerance is incredibly low to some... But to me it's a lot. I'm here to make friends and possibly a support system. I have some friends.. But they don't have any idea. Nobody really knows but me.. And you. ?

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey CB and welcome to Blue Light. Tolerance and physical dependence are lame but for now they are here to stay in the opiat game.. Hopefully someone soon will invent an anti tolerance pill that will prevent physical dependence. When is the last time you went without anything and how long did you go and what did it feel like? There is some really good suport here on Blue Light and Here are a couple of threads you may want to check out for inspiration and suport.

December Getting/Staying Sober Thread v. Reflections. this one just started today as we rack up a new one each month so she is just a baby.. speaking of which three and two under two.. wow. You dont need opiates you need an IV line of Monster all day every day.. when is the last time you slept.. two.. three.. four weeks ago..

Good things about being off drugs/getting sober

There are a whole bunch of people that are posting today and looking to kick so Im going to introduce you all buy linking all your threads in all your threads. I encourage you to participate in their efforts as this is kinda how we addicts get down this crazy ass river.. tied to one another.. that way hopefully when one person is sinking the others can give a hand.


Need it, I don't want it.. But I fear when I'm not on it...
Need help quitting oxycodone - Urgent
Need support trying to kick dope....I need help
stuck on smack need advice im in a bind and dont know what to do
Of the hopeless variety..
j_rod &&& AnneB

Obviously we will have shuffles as life progresses but since so many of us seem to be in the same boat at the exact same time I thought that a really string kick support may form so I will pass this around.


You can do this!!!!!

 

[Createdbeauty]

Thanks so much for your reply. You made me smile that easily, thank you. I've gone 36-48 hours. I just have no motivation to do anything at all, accompanied by back pain... Heating pad seems to intensify it instead of helping. It moves into my joints a bit. If I manage to get into the shower during an outage (which I try to ensure never happens btw, and I'm pretty damn good at..), I feel better. Better yet if my house stays clean and I move around and interact with my kids physically instead of just mentally.

I love to cook, wholesome good food for them, and when I'm out it's frozen pizza, hot dogs, and whatever else I can reasonably throw together without much effort. It makes me feel like a real piece of crap mom.. Which makes it soooo hard to quit. I keep saying I'm going to wait until they're older so they can deal with me having the flu... But they're very well cared for. I'd never put my fix over food or diapers, that's for sure.. I love my kids more than anything.

They're my reasoning in getting off this shit before I hurt myself, hurting them in the process. My oldest is 9. She's a big help with the babies, who were both born in 2011 .. <snip> and hell on my back that suffered from a car crash when I was 17 that landed me in the ICU for 5 days, but my high pain tolerance allowed me to forgo pain meds then). Wow, I have so much to say to give insight. Sorry! And an IV of Monster, hook me up! I stick to coffee with lots of creamer or redbull (and unfortunately I also use that to potentiate in the morning when my pain is the worst so I associate it.. What am I going to do to forget these wonderful little energy boosters?!). I am now floating on 20mg... I needed to clean my house really good, and I've been having just mental discomfort on 10/5/10 to 10/10/10 dosing the last week.. But I have found myself stable on that dosage, and at least able to bathe myself and my children, clean, and cook.

Did I mention I also take care of my 87 year old grandmother? Yeah. It's not in my mind.. I read about The Thomas Recipe, then moved right along into loperimide.. Which I thought about briefly and then scared myself away from. My mother is going to come visit for Christmas, and I can either get clean or borrow her oxys. I obviously need the support to make the first decision. She already knows I am planning to detox while she is here and am cutting my dosages now to prepare myself for what is to come after the 10th! My kids are so attached to me and me to them, it will be hell just to shut them out for a few days so it will suck! Hopefully I can gain some insight as to how bad it will get at the dosage I was able to cut to with no withdrawals (basically moving to my prescribed dosage and taking it correctly as opposed to taking one large morning dose or two separated doses or whatnot). I am going to go check out all of the links you referred me to, although I am a bit shy at first! Thank you for replying! ️

 

[neversickanymore]

Alright CB well this shouldn't be that bad for you at all and I think the mother is coming is a great idea.. If you want to tapper you can but I'm not a big fan of it esp for the reasonable dose you are on. I have some medication suggestions that should make this allot easier than what your experiences was in the past.. you're not going to feel like a million but you will feel ALLOT better than you have. They will require a visit to your Dr. These medications are not opiates. I think taking opiates like loperamide and kratom work great for opiate withdrawal BECAUSE they are basically opiates and they are preventing us from going into withdrawal (yes i know they are a little different but they work at the same location) But by preventing withdralws it also means we arent withdrawling and will then still need to do this at some point. Here is a ton of information.. I know its a bunch but i like to trow it all out there as it is a pretty goo overview of a bunch of things that will hopefully explaine whats happeniong and what you can do to try and do to formulate a plan that will allow you to be sucseesful and live a peaceful life with out the opiates.

The medications I would explore the use of for detox would be:
>Clonidine< DOSED EVER FOUR HOURS..

one of either
>NEURONTIN< >HERE< >HERE<
OR >Lyrica<

>A BENZO BUT JUST AT NIGHT<
>a nsaid<
>melatonin<
tylenol

Addiction Guide
The Brain and Addiction (under construction)

Then when the acutes are over you will need to come up with a plan to combat the PAWS and I recommend doing this before you begin to detox as our minds can get pretty clouded during this process so I think its better to have a plan in place ahead of time.

Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)
Post Acute Withdrawal (PAW) Excerpted From “Staying Sober” By: Terence T. Gorski
Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome Wiki
Hey I thought the grey matter of ADD could chew on this....
EXERCISE AND MOOD

let us know what your thoughts are when you get a split second.

You sound like a great mother and I'm sure you are. So throw all the guilt and shame out as it does us no good and only promotes and drives use

 

[Createdbeauty]

I don't want to ask my doctor for help. My medication is dispensed for osteo & rheumatoid arthritis, very legit pain. If I find I am unable to function without something... I am afraid I would be in pain for the rest of my life? Is it possible for one to realize that they are not using their medications correctly and go back to using them correctly as I have, and then taper down to only using them as needed?

The PAWS article scares the shit out of me, tbqh.. So my mind isn't going to work right for a very, very long time? I don't know how well I will deal with that running a business, taking care of my grandma, kids, home...ME! ?
I also realized while reading that although I do take time to cook everything from scratch for home.. Nothing goes into my mouth except coffee.. I must be horribly malnourished (I've lost 70 pounds since March.. And I thought it was energy.. But I was keeping my stomach empty for my next dose 24/7 so I didn't need more.. I wonder if a week or so of healthy eating and then cold turkey would stave off the horrible stiffness which is my biggest complaint?)

I have access to clonadine, and I am prescribed .5 Xanax 2x a day for anxiety disorder (not something I would enjoy abusing unless I wanted to pass out).. I already take a prescription NSAID along with my hydrocodone, (Diclofenac).

I apologize if you have to snip anything again, I'm just being honest with SOMEONE for once, and trying to give you my life story in a snippet becomes detailed. Thank you again! You're so nice! ?

 

[ad lib]

Hey cb ?

I'll tell you a bit about myself- I was injured in an auto accident in 2011, got hooked on painkillers. I started out with just Percocet, then OxyContin to eventually Dilaudid. When I moved on to the Dilaudid I started to inject it. I "got clean" in March of this year, but recently relapsed in Novemver on Oxy. Right now I'm in (mild) withdrawal- joint pain, runny nose, anxiety etc. It's hard to deal with because I have to wear so many different hats per day and fake happy and, like you, I just can't "call in sick". I'm not a mother yet so I can't relate to that, but I can certainly relate to everything else.

It'll be hard. I'm not going to sugar coat it. When I quit I quit cold turkey and laid in my bed and went on bluelight for about 1 week straight til I finally got over myself. I was a mess.

Could you perhaps try cutting your dosage in half? Slowly taper down? Have you considered other methods for pain management?

You ARE able to get through this.

Hope you're doing well ?

 

[Createdbeauty]

That's what I have been doing, I've only taken my prescribed amount or lower than (nothing for 24-36 hours twice), and that has actually kept me out of withdrawal. I guess I was wasting my medicine, as with a positive mindset, coffee, and correct dosing I am not in pain (I'm just not high either, which I guess I was used to at first when taking the medicine?)... I do have the will to taper, I don't go through my medicine in a week.. My problem is more in doubling dosages, I go through my daily meds in 1-2 doses (well I was).. Such as 2 at 7 in the morning, then 2 at 2:30 or 3pm, or 3 at 8 and 1 at 6.. Instead, I should be taking 10 at 8/12/4/8 or as needed..

But now that I know what they're capable of, am I chasing that, always? I have had my first hydro in '08 for a toothache. That first one killed it, but the oral surgeon gave me more. 1 at a time, when I had a headache or toothache, or whatever it was.. They were 7.5/5 and made me sick, I'd have to lay down under my desk at work, lol.. Then I did later, in '09 sometime get some from a friend.. Like a bottle of 40 5s. I used sparingly for months. It had always made me sleepy and queasy.. BUT.. After my son in '11, the hospital gave me hydro that night to sleep. I had nested the entire pregnancy. Instead of sleeping, I got up and cleaned the hospital room, took a shower, organized my stuff, and had crazy energy for a woman that had just gone 48+ hours on no sleep and had a baby in there too, as well as labor with no pain meds...

When I got home, I took a few to keep up my nesting that was natural during pregnancy, but not the day after birth, lol..

Then I got pregnant 6 weeks later, found out 4 months later (after having broken my foot and having had them in there for that also).. Off everything from that moment (she's fine), then cord wrap forced a spinal block during labor & delivery, which on top of my wreck in '99 & 2 back to back pregnancies was horrible on my back. Add in some top heavy and rheumatoid and wham.. You've got Norco.

I've never increased too horribly, just mistreated my dosages.. But I got a job at a bar for a few months and needed a few more and took them.. Hence fore mentioned outages.

So I have acquired OC, Oxy, one 25 Fentanyl patch, and I've also received morphine in the hospital via IV for bad back pain. I prefer hydro to all of these, even a dose of 10 helps me more than any of those aforementioned meds did.. And they were all 10mg+ dosages (except the morphine, not sure what it was but it was just stupid, I was just hot as hell)...

I hope your w/Ds get better babe. That's just what I felt. I guess the sniffles I had were that too.. Now that I've thought about it, I had sniffles and was eating benedryl yesterday before taking 20mg today... :/. Joint pain, and all of that. Are you using meds to decrease the effects? Thank you for taking the time to reply. I was getting lost in the threads and trying to find the nerve to post, lol. Soon!! ?

 

[Createdbeauty]

Oddly, I'm also allergic to Demerol, which I think is an opiate.. I had an allergic reaction to it when I had my wreck, as well as being allergic to codeine. Isn't that strange?

 

[neversickanymore]

Here is a suplimant version of a GABA analoge thats leagal in the states >Phenibut< that can be substituted for the lyrica and nerontin to aid withdrawls.

Just to make sure CB are you trying to detox all together or decrease dose?

Edit: I would consider adding a quality nutrient shake to your diet as with the way you are pushing yourself and the responsibilities and physical demands you need much more nutrients and calories then you are getting. These are often easy to drink even if your appetite is low or non existent and it doesn't get much easier than a pre load shake for someone as busy as you are. I would also add a daily multi vitamin and consider adding a separate vitamin D supplement as well.

You sound like you throw your all into your children and life. That is awesome!! However it is real important to remember to extend that love to yourself and to make sure your needs are being met as well. If a person continues to run themselves at red line and doesn't make sure their nutritional and other needs are being met then there health will begin to crumble. This can lead to all kinds of health issues that could be dangerous and uncomfortable to you. Need to be healthy to take care of the little ones so you need to take care of yourself as well as the little ones.

Also as you have lost all that weight you are pretty much starving yourself and using the opiates to m mask the signs your body is throwing at you. Also you seem to be using the energy boost of the opiates to provide energy that would be better caused by the intake of the proper calories and nutrition. The body is an engine and hard working engines need good and constant fuel. If an engine has little or no fuel, its going to have little or no energy and thus no capacity to work like you do. Better feed that hard working engine of yours.

You sound amazing so please make some little adjustments to provide you with a little of what you need

 

[Createdbeauty]

I want to detox and see how I feel without it. How my back feels without it. I'm 31... I don't want to be on hard core dose pain meds when I'm 60/70... My rheumatoid is only going to get worse though.. :/

 

[neversickanymore]

Also since rheumatoid is thought to be an autoimmune and because you are so young still you need to start taking care of yourself. The fact that you are pushing yourself so hard, not taking care of you, and already are dealing with rheumatoid, says to me that if you don't make a few changes you could have allot more on your plate to deal with.

I ran myself absolutely ragged for three or four years right around when my son was born and didn't take good ore even acceptable care of myself.. full time engineering degree studies, owned my own business, taking amazing care of my son while my X was working full time during the day. for years i ran at red line. My system couldn't handle it and my health collapsed.. sarcoidosis, fibromyalgia, anxiety, stress, low vitamin D, yeah my health collapsed and I ended up being really sick for over four years. So sick by the end that I couldn't take care of my dog very well let alone being able to care for my son at that point. To combat the severe pain of the illnesses I was put on huge amounts of pain killers.. I was already an addict so this just sky rocketed everything. after over four years I got sick of the doctors making no head way so I read up and researched everything myself and cured myself in less than a month. Then all i had to do was detox from 150 mgpd methadone, 260 mgpd roxy, and 6 mgpd xanax.. yeah that was something else.

I added an edit up above in case you missed it.

 

[Createdbeauty]

Yes, I agree with you, after taking a step back, I see that I am eating next to nothing.. Definitely running my body at red light. I can eat.. It just became simpler not to after awhile. I've eaten fully balanced meals the last day and a half, and I'm about to cook breakfast in a bit and do so again.

I know you don't really like the idea of tapering, but I would rather cut myself as much as possible as quickly as possible, while not having any severe withdrawals until my mom gets here (I need to be able to take care of home until the 10th when she arrives from out if state). What I am doing right now is taking a 10 in the am, then a 1/2 (5) if needed, another 1/2 if needed, and a 10 before bed. I never took them before bed before... I always used them "strategically".. It makes such a difference in my sleep.. I don't wake up in pain 4-5 times and I don't hurt so badly in the morning either.. Once my body gets used to the lowered dosage a bit more (sniffles & random stiffness settle a bit more), I will drop a 5, then to 5 at night, then to 5 in am.. I'll go turkey from there.

 

[Createdbeauty]

That's a great question you may also be able to answer... Since I never used while sleeping (usually dose was taken at 8/12/4, never later), it was always out of my system. My idea was that I was "going to sleep to escape the pain"... Which is great if I was in theory able to sleep through my pain, right, (3k memory foam bed, bless you! ?).. While I am in withdrawal, I don't hurt while I lay in my bed, and I am able to sleep. Did I do myself a huge favor in not taking them at night? I was thinking this last night, and skipped the last dosage just in case since I've only been doing this a few days... I'd much rather deal with stiffness than "sleep addict" myself if that is possible, which would make the upcoming process much more difficult.. Or am I overthinking and should continue aforementioned dosages?

 

[Createdbeauty]

For the first time in over 2 years, I awoke with no back pain!! Not sure if it was the way I slept, or strained my back bathing kids before bed last night, or the taper? Either way, I went to the doctor yesterday, and I'm proud to say that my bottle went untouched today because I didn't hurt at all, all day. Hopefully I awaken with the same results tomorrow, and no w/d! My 9 year old is calling it a Christmas miracle, so let's hope it holds out!! ???

 

[ad lib]

For the first time in over 2 years, I awoke with no back pain!! Not sure if it was the way I slept, or strained my back bathing kids before bed last night, or the taper? Either way, I went to the doctor yesterday, and I'm proud to say that my bottle went untouched today because I didn't hurt at all, all day. Hopefully I awaken with the same results tomorrow, and no w/d! My 9 year old is calling it a Christmas miracle, so let's hope it holds out!! &#55357;&#56833;&#55357;&#56833;&#55357;&#56833;

That is awesome news!! I'm so happy for you