Opioids *Need Help* Lopermide Abuse

[Tevlok]

Hello, I am 25 years old served in the US Army and made it back home. I went through alot of things and addictions but im at a point in my life where I don't want to go through another moment of this torture.

I started off with pain pills, went from 1 pill a day to 20-30 7.5 MGs daily. After I couldn't get pills anymore I went to Poppy seeds and actual Poppy's where I would order off the internet. About a year and a half ago I had enough of it all so I read about Imodium AKA Lopermide. So I took 14 pills 2mg each pill and it completely took away all my w/d and I felt normal again. Being a addict and having 0 willpower since this all started I now sit at taking 3 bottles each with 72 pills in a bottle daily!!!! I am dying, my body is dying. I have spent the past month trying to get off and I can't. I went 4 days without them and by that time I felt my liver shutting down every possible withdraw effect I had while going through withdraw from Poppy's and pain pills I not only had but it was tripled. The mental withdraw is out of control and I often consider doing off with myself. I can't tell any of this to my family because they don't understand. I went to them for help, I was told it's all in my head that I just need to suck it up and be over with it. ANYONE who has gone through this with any Opiate will say easier said then done. I will steal, I will lie, Does not matter from who but I will do whatever I need just for that fix for the day. My life is a living hell, I have been homeless. I have been divorced. I have seen shit in the army that fucked me up for the rest of my life. So I come here today to ask for help. I don't know where else to go or turn to but im at my limit and these few days coming up could be my very last.
Today I thought it was all going to be over. That I finally found a way to fight this. I went to the Suboxone doctor.. I told him the complete truth And how much and how long I have taken Lopermide AKA Anti Diarrhea pills. I told him of my addictive personality and if I can't go on something that will help the craving I wont be able to get off them. I just don't have the willpower anymore. The doctor says this.. I have good new and bad news. The good new is im not going to charge you for your visit. The bad news is I called around and it's not supposed to pass the BBB and if I give you Suboxone it wont do anything for you since it doesn't attach to the same receptors. This is complete BULLSHIT. I don't care how much study you do on this drug Its a Opiate. I go through ALL the withdraws but it's much more intense. Back to the doctor. He said he can't give me it and he asked well what if I just give it to him? What if I preform my own study about the drug because we have never seen this before? The other doctor says the DA will have his ass.. I respect this doctor and Im not pissed off at him. I pissed off at the people who said this drug was ok, That it's impossible to get addicted to, that it's all in my head. What im feeling isn't in my head. I made it through war and back With PTSD but I came out ok. I didn't break when I see people killed in combat or had to do some brutal things myself. But this.. this fucking drug broke me down to my very core. I don't have money, I can't hold a job because the withdraws are so bad. I am a nobody in this life and it's something I came to understand is my fault. If you ever plan on taking this drug to help you.. Don't fucking take it for more then you need it. Fuck what people say about it not being able to be abused to addictive because it doesn't pass the BBB God made everyone diffrent.. Could it be possible that it get's through to some people? Especially when taking the amount I am? Hell YES it is.

Once again I say.. I need help. I need to know what to do You guys are the last group of people I have to turn to..
Thank you all for even reading this, And I hope everyone can get through the hell that has been given to them in the form of drugs.

 

[phactor]

I really have no experience with this, but first I want to thank you for your service. We can never do enough for our vets and I want you to know that you are not forgotten.

Second, what type of doctor are you seeing? Is their a Veterans Hospital close to you? Maybe start out seeing a Psychiatrist about your PTSD. You know abuse and mental health issues are often linked.

Our harm reduction policy here compels us to suggest anything that would help limit the damage done, so I am going to ask if you think you could maybe at least start a slow taper on your own? That should help you both physically and mentally.

I have quite a few relatives that served in combat and struggle with substance abuse. They range from Korea-Vietnam-Iraq and Afghanistan. We as a nation need to demand that our government take better care of you guys and girls.

Finally, maybe this would work better on TDS? I am not sure.

 

[Tevlok]

Ill repost it there, It's my first time actually engaging in any of this. I have come here to read alot, Just never posted my own experience. The doctor I went to today was from our local Drug and Alcohol Center And he was a Suboxone doctor. I knew he wanted to help me.. But this kinda abuse hasn't really been looked into ever. Hardly any searches come up about it besides people taking it to get off other opiates. I can't break through the withdraw and after having my hopes completely shattered today when he told me there was nothing he could do. The doctor actually said try to not take it for a few days *Which I have done over 30+ times in the past year and half since I started. And if you don't feel better he said 'Im not saying to take them again' But without us knowing the effects it is having on your body from not taking them now it might be a wise thing to do. In other words, The withdraw from this could actually hurt my body more. Sadly, The VA option isn't there because the closest one to me is about 30-40 miles away. I have been trying to hit the snake in the ass and get rid of my main problem.. The drug before I worked out the rest of my life. When it comes down to it.. The drugs are what ruined everything for me. I can't hold a job because of the withdraws which mean im not making money to support a habit I don't want which means I can't provide for myself or anyone I care about including my 2 year old daughter, Which then means I make stupid decisions by stealing and lying or anything I have to in order to get the $14 daily I need to get my fix. But thank you for your post!

 

[Animoe]

First off, I want to re-state what phactor has said and thank you sincerely for your service for our freedom and country. There is no way that I could ever think of to pay back our veterans for what they have done to protect and serve.

Now on to the subject at hand, obviously you have taken the first two steps in getting clean; Wanting to get clean, and asking for help.
The best advice I can give you and I strongly suggest you take it, is go to the nearest ER ASAP, tell them all of your thoughts and concerns, what you have been doing, and that you want to get clean. If you think they won't believe you about the loperamide, take an opiate before you go in so you can tell them that you have been doing opiates and it's killing your liver and that you tried taking massive amounts of loperamide to ease the withdrawal symptoms/stop the diarrhea/etc. and that it's killing your liver.. They will get you stabilized in the ER so you won't be in pain, then they will have a crisis worker come talk to you about options of how to get sober and past this hell you've been going through. I strongly recommend that you go to a detox center if that's an option, they will keep you medically stabilized and taper you down until you're clean. If that is not an option or you have a legitimate reason for not wanting to get admitted to a detox center, my second recommendation would be to take an opiate, go to a different suboxone doctor (just because the first one you went to knows that you have been using loperamide and doesn't believe you so I doubt he/she would buy the story of that you're withdrawaling from more conventional opiates) and tell them that you've been addicted to opiates for quite some time and that it's ruining your life/basically what you were saying in your post.. If you choose to go the suboxone doctor route I am almost 100% sure he/she will prescribe you suboxone.

That's my advice, I hope to God that it helps because you seem like your going through absolute HELL, and nobody deserves to be going through what you described..


Best of luck to you man. Keep faith, don't lose hope, and don't give up.

Sincerely, Animoe.

 

[Animoe]

*bump*-------- I want to get this guy help ASAP.

 

[sekio]

please don't bump your threads - bluelight moves at its own pace. it's not a live chat room, it's a discussion board.

Loperamide doesn't cross the blood brain barrier in significant amounts without adding other strange chemicals. It does relieve symptoms of withdrawal (which will come back after the loperamide wears off) which will make you feel a million times better. Not all the opioid receptors are in the brain; many are in the nerves and gut that are not behind the BBB.

Going from loperamide to Suboxone is a step backwards - Suboxone is more centrally active than loperamide is, you'll probably end up abusing it ... because they'll seem like heroin compared to loperamide. Bupe does bind to the same receptors that loperamide does (mu- opioid) but it's not a magical addiction cure. And it does cost money.

Most painless option is to taper down. Here's the plan.
1. Find the smallest immodium dose that works for you to keep you feeling OK. Write that number down somewhere.
2. Keep taking it for 3-4 days until you feel stable.
3. Then, every next 3-4 days reduce that by maybe 20%, until you're taking 2mg a day.
4. Stop taking it entirely.

 

[Animoe]

I'm sorry about bumping this thread, I just personally feel that this is something that needed to be addressed quickly, especially when someones talking about offing themselves.

I will not be bumping anymore threads.

 

[crestfallen]

Thank you for your service Tevlok, it is greatly appreciated!

I think getting on suboxone would help you a great deal, it did for me. If loperamide is what's holding you back from getting on sub, then is it possible for you to get ANY other pain medicine? Say you could get vicodin or oxycodone, you could stop taking the lope and start taking the vics or oxy. Then go back to the sub doctor, tell him your addicted to said opiate, and that would make you eligible for sub maintenance. I think that would be your best bet. Then you could stay on suboxone for a while and taper slowly with minimal w/d discomfort. PM me if you have any questions or even if you just want to talk. Hang in there buddy, there is ALWAYS hope.

 

[Corazon]

Loperamide doesn't cross the blood brain barrier in significant amounts without adding other strange chemicals. It does relieve symptoms of withdrawal (which will come back after the loperamide wears off) which will make you feel a million times better. Not all the opioid receptors are in the brain; many are in the nerves and gut that are not behind the BBB.

Going from loperamide to Suboxone is a step backwards - Suboxone is more centrally active than loperamide is, you'll probably end up abusing it ... because they'll seem like heroin compared to loperamide. Bupe does bind to the same receptors that loperamide does (mu- opioid) but it's not a magical addiction cure. And it does cost money.

Most painless option is to taper down. Here's the plan.
1. Find the smallest immodium dose that works for you to keep you feeling OK. Write that number down somewhere.
2. Keep taking it for 3-4 days until you feel stable.
3. Then, every next 3-4 days reduce that by maybe 20%, until you're taking 2mg a day.
4. Stop taking it entirely.

this is great advice.

it's going to be hard, and it's going to take discipline but tapering off is by far your best bet.

 

[Megalum]

I agree with sekio here. Suboxone would in this case be like killing a fruit fly with an elephant gun, you really need to just taper down, I bet you'd be surprised how much you can drop down on the lope without even missing it. Especially seeing how its used as the literal weakest opioid as the final taper stage in kicking a habit. Even recommending codeine to kick away some W/D symptoms here would be a backwards step. Best of luck.

 

[Lady Codone]

Don't let that one doctor get you down. Some doctors are so clueless they have no business practicing medicine. Keep seeking help until you find someone who takes you seriously. You know your body and mind better than anyone. I've been through some godawful docs myself.

Like all things in the human body, the BBB varies from person to person. Taking 72 of ANYTHING will almost guarantee some effect beyond placebo. Plenty of Bluelighters claim to get high from loperamide, so it's not all in your head.

Opiate withdrawal is hard enough for a healthy person, but having an underlying disorder like depression or PTSD can make it downright dangerous. Been there, done that, came pretty close to harming myself. Start with a slow taper and seek emergency help if you feel like suicide or self-harm.

Please make a commitment to yourself to seek help for your PTSD once this is over (or now). Mental illness is like cancer; if you don't treat it, it will eventually end up eating away at you until you die. Fuck the stigma. PTSD is a serious disorder that should be treated as seriously as heart disease or other physical diseases. This is not something you can afford to put off.

Best of luck and please keep us updated!

 

[Animoe]

Thank you for your service Tevlok, it is greatly appreciated!

I think getting on suboxone would help you a great deal, it did for me. If loperamide is what's holding you back from getting on sub, then is it possible for you to get ANY other pain medicine? Say you could get vicodin or oxycodone, you could stop taking the lope and start taking the vics or oxy. Then go back to the sub doctor, tell him your addicted to said opiate, and that would make you eligible for sub maintenance. I think that would be your best bet. Then you could stay on suboxone for a while and taper slowly with minimal w/d discomfort. PM me if you have any questions or even if you just want to talk. Hang in there buddy, there is ALWAYS hope.

although there were some slight differences in my suggestion, I completely agree with crestfallen, though that's just my own opinnion.

You've got multiple options here and I'm sure one of them will work out great for you. You just need to decide which one you think is the best option for your situation..

And tevlok, you still hangin in there buddy?

Sincerely, Animoe.