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Need friends, dealing with a breakup & a rock bottom with a shovel!

tokayeahok said:
hey guys. been on here since i was 14 and am just going through quite a bit and would love friends to meet / talk to. I’m recovering from a relapse, withdrawals, and my partner blindsiding me completely and it feels like I’ve been hit by a truck in my chest. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. My chest hurts so much. I’ve got blankets on the bathroom floor and just can’t stop sobbing. She was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

I just have no support at all. I had an emergency doctors appointment today and am on a slew of psychiatric meds stacked already in my wellbutrin, suboxone & gabapentin. Added hydroxyzine and lexapro.

I’m an electronic music and have done some stuff recently with a few members of the band ‘The 1975’ and the duality of working with a band that large but having no friends irl and living in a cabin in the countryside away from everyone is such a strange feeling. day 3 off of opioids and im doing okay. 32mg of suboxone is doing the trick.

my heart just hurts so i figured i’d just reach out.


thanks <3
jon
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There’s not any benefit to suboxone in doses higher than 24 mg.
 
going through that torturous period and coming through the other side, is a kind of initiation process that leads to individuation and embracing your own personal power. :group hug: find 1 support you can go to and pour out your heart. that liminal state feels like it will go on forever but season change.
 
kiely said:
I am sorry that you are going through such devastating circumstances. Life is like that and relationships are even worse than life itself it seems sometimes. I am sorry that sounded so harsh. I wish you all of the best and everything that you deserve in life.

We are very lucky when we can find one person that we can hold on with to be there for us. And even forever sometimes. I know it is a good feeling and I truly understand you. You are so good at posting and very focused. We always have enjoyed you here too.

I am sorry it is going to be such a great loss for both of you. Sometimes it is so intense that it cannot be explained or even understood. It seems that this was very hurtful to you intentionally. I am glad that you are talking it through with this.


She just put your relationship status on hold. ;);) You are still young and you will find someone. <3

I remember you from the H & R thread always. I remember when we noticed @somnilicious just disappeared. And didn't say goodbye or anything about not returning to BL Forum.

Just left. And that was so kind of you to mention him and that you are worried. I kind of worried too but others say he will leave a lot and then come back.

You were worried about him not posting. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be involved in a relationship irl with someone that just left and said nothing at all to you in your life together.

I can't even imagine that despair and debilitating feeling. That is absolute devastation for sure.

I always remember somnilicious just disappearing too. But in a committed real life relationship would be like a horrifying stab wound. A bad one. A real bad one. I am glad you are here holding on somehow and to let us know somehow that you can get through all of this stuff together.
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thank you, i’m too overwhelmed to properly reply but this was so sweet of you. i really really appreciate it 💛
 
@ T !!!!

🥹

Yes, sure. Value your independence for now. Love can feel safe, steady and mutual. And some people never learn to love that

sincerely and they just look for someone vulnerable. It's not your fault.

They look for others to take advantage of. But you are very sweet and maybe easy for others to get attached to.

I do think that you are strong though and that you have wisdom that I feel is so much more beyond others !!


Some people are just out for a ride. They really are.

I am sure you will find many others in your life that have love in their hearts and also that you can and will find someone good.

I feel that you can persevere in all various areas in you life. I know you do. <3


You are so friendly and amazing and please continue to know that you are. Haha. I think that you are a Gift to all of us I really do !!!

I thank you for your exceptional presence and your kind words though.

I hope everything is well and getting along better now. It's always great when you post somehow. Stay awesome like you do. 😘


tokayeahok said:
thank you, i’m too overwhelmed to properly reply but this was so sweet of you. i really really appreciate it 💛
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kiely said:
@ T !!!!

🥹

Yes, sure. Value your independence for now. Love can feel safe, steady and mutual. And some people never learn to love that

sincerely and they just look for someone vulnerable. It's not your fault.

They look for others to take advantage of. But you are very sweet and maybe easy for others to get attached to.

I do think that you are strong though and that you have wisdom that I feel is so much more beyond others !!


Some people are just out for a ride. They really are.

I am sure you will find many others in your life that have love in their hearts and also that you can and will find someone good.

I feel that you can persevere in all various areas in you life. I know you do. <3


You are so friendly and amazing and please continue to know that you are. Haha. I think that you are a Gift to all of us I really do !!!

I thank you for your exceptional presence and your kind words though.

I hope everything is well and getting along better now. It's always great when you post somehow. Stay awesome like you do. 😘
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i’m trying. struggling especially. i know there was tons of codependence between us but i always figured it could be worked through.

i really appreciate the kind words <3 i have so so much to give. my flaws and inability to cope like a normal person just always creates a storm that wrecks everyone around me. despite how pure my intentions are or how kind i am.
 
tokayeahok said:
i’m trying. struggling especially. i know there was tons of codependence between us but i always figured it could be worked through.

i really appreciate the kind words <3 i have so so much to give. my flaws and inability to cope like a normal person just always creates a storm that wrecks everyone around me. despite how pure my intentions are or how kind i am.
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You were never too sensitive. You were never too reactive. You were just trained to give away your power like it was a bunch of free samples at a food court in a mall. Right !!! But not anymore. This isn't about becoming emotionless in any possible way. This is about emotional discipline. So it's about reclaiming your identity from this entire situation.

But seriously @tokayeahok !! You just keep working away at this. You will find someone. You really will. You are a gift to this world. You are out there doing the work. You were always so fun in the H&R threads too. Lol. And nice and helpful. You're great !!!

This is your declaration of independence. This is your declaration of self-respect. It says access to me is earned. And not everyone qualifies.



<3
 
.... just keep working away at this little at a time. You will be fine. You can do this.

Thanks for posing always and I am so glad that you are keeping up with your music.

Quite a hobby or a talent I should say.
 
Hey. I made a typo. Someone might try to get on me about that.

I wouldn't want you to sound too artsy. ;);) I hope that you are doing better than my spelling again.

It was totally innocent. Or maybe spellcheck was being frisky. I don't know. Sorry again:

~~~~~~
I'm really embarrassed and autocorrect tried to write ( script ) horny. True Story. I'm really horny instead of embarrassed. omg.

I thought I uninstalled that sh#t.
~~~~~~
 
Little by little we will be greater everyday. And sending # hugs # nice too.

Thank you for posting always and I am so glad that you are keeping up with your music, really.

Quite a hobby or a talent I should say.


The Other Post.
 
prolly nothing wrong with it anyway <3🔥

thanks for being part of team support anyway. 👍

smile. it makes us happy. 🙂
 
I should have just let it be. It sounded hotter anyway. ;)

I hope that you are staying busy too !!

🥁
 
Hey their Friend. I sure understand what you mean about being busy. 🔥

I myself am trying to make it back asap. Hopefully it can be possible at all. I am trying to catch up with a lot of work too.

It was so good to hear from you though. And it always is. Take Care ... see you soon. hehe.

I always like your nice posts. <3

k
 
Hi Jon,unfortunately as humans we seek the impossible, to be forever content ,happy ,have a quality outlook on life ,unfortunately life is and has never evolved to be lived in this manner .some people I suppose are lucky that they seem to be always happy and cheerful but they will have low points in their life just like us all.ending a relationship is heartbreaking but I liken it to losing a close family member [not immediate] your mind overcomes the grief in time .substance abuse obviously makes things 10 times worse .the world we live in has programmed our mind to have almost zero negative thoughts whilst our mind is still evolving from hundreds of thousands of years ago when we had very little on our minds apart from staying alive,when you have such pressing matters as that you don't tend to think of the things that depress you today .I cant give you advice because I'm almost there myself and nothing helps ,maybe one thing ,staying busy and interacting with work colleagues even though you can't stand the thought of it I find it makes me feel better when the day ends
Good luck
 
tokayeahok said:
hey guys. been on here since i was 14 and am just going through quite a bit and would love friends to meet / talk to. I’m recovering from a relapse, withdrawals, and my partner blindsiding me completely and it feels like I’ve been hit by a truck in my chest. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. My chest hurts so much. I’ve got blankets on the bathroom floor and just can’t stop sobbing. She was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

I just have no support at all. I had an emergency doctors appointment today and am on a slew of psychiatric meds stacked already in my wellbutrin, suboxone & gabapentin. Added hydroxyzine and lexapro.

I’m an electronic music and have done some stuff recently with a few members of the band ‘The 1975’ and the duality of working with a band that large but having no friends irl and living in a cabin in the countryside away from everyone is such a strange feeling. day 3 off of opioids and im doing okay. 32mg of suboxone is doing the trick.

my heart just hurts so i figured i’d just reach out.


thanks <3
jon
Click to expand...
Sucks you are going through all of this. Just know you are doing the best you can. Can I offer you a hug? Also feel free to PM if you need someone to talk to. You don't have to go thru these things along. I might be slow replying as I'm busy with school, but I'm down to listen
 
W
TuRBO_RaINBOW said:
Sucks you are going through all of this. Just know you are doing the best you can. Can I offer you a hug? Also feel free to PM if you need someone to talk to. You don't have to go thru these things along. I might be slow replying as I'm busy with school, but I'm down to listen
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Will do 🥺 You’re a discord mod? I’m on the BL discord so i’ll be on there and PM you!
 
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