Need encouragement asap. Thank you

[Thatgirl299]

Well, I finally did a detox in a hotel 2/1-2/13 ....came back home to zero support - husband is a pro gamer/gaming addict - I went to meetings- took ittbits of sub here and there. Was on .7 day of street fentanyl.
Well I relapsed 2 weeks in-- spent the past 3 days trying to get stable on subs. Still loopy- may be clonidine? I know I took too much and it builds.

So I asked my husband why he cant just ask once in awhile how I'm doing ? His response was that he doesn't want to and he doesn't think I'll get better.
I know I've hurt him over and over - but literally all I've asked for is care.
I've got to pay my dopeman 200$ hes a brutal dick- so I'm risking it by paying some today but we agreed on Sunday (figured I'd be stable on subs).


I think I had a mental breakdown after detox in February.
Would appreciate any love and advice anyone could give.

 

[Much2lose]

Hey Thatgirl. I am sure someone will come along much more qualified to give you advice.
Please hang in there and know you are doing this for yourself! Do you have a close friend or family member you can confide in for support? It sucks that you cannot receive what you need from your husband, but I do not know the full story for his actions.

You have done it before, you can do it again! Hang in there, I am rooting for you.

 

[8thday]

Thatgirl,
I understand the mental breakdown. I am so sorry about your husband. Mine could not be more supportive.

You can do this. It is completely up to you. Pray. Pray your heart out. Beg for help. You will get it. It usually comes in the form of other people. You will get the support and strength you need. You've got this. I'm day 25 free and it is still kicking me a little....a lot. I want this more than anything. It is going to be a new normal. You are not going to feel as good as you have on the meds for a while. It will take probably a month or two so plan on the long haul and take it day by day. Go see a doctor and get help and medication that is legal. You can do it. You can. I'll check in on you. I can be a support until your husband comes around. It might be his own addiction that is causing him to be unsupportive. He is probably too wrapped up in himself to notice or care what you are going through or doesn't want criticism from you about his own issues. Be supportive and loving of him and see if he comes around. Love you. 8th day. My 8th day is when I joined because I was in the throws of this and iamgollum and 10years were a huge help and support to me. You'll get this, but dig deep. It is an ass kicker!

 

[cj]

You can do this! Once you pay him you need to lose his number so you can't call him easily. Getting a therapist was a big help for me.

 

[hotfriesmmm]

Have you thought about going to treatment, or entering AA/NA. I know the secular rhetoric scares a lot of people away. It put a bad taste in my mouth for sure, but I got over it pretty quick. Suboxone is great and all for a short term fix, however it does not address the underlying issues that we as addicts have. I suggest you reach out for outside professional help, and not some quack sub doc who is going to give you Xanax, or klonopin with your 12mg a day sub script. Feel free to message me with questions.