lightblue543
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2015
- Messages
- 123
Hi all, hoping to get a bit of support, I get others here who are addicted heavily to narcotics or uppers, not just rarely are probably having it worse.
I've been smoking weed on and off since I was around... 18, now 27, sound fairly standard from my peers and drinking since 17-16 ish too. tried 2cb, xanax, dpam, etizolam, flubromazolem, ketamine, pregab dxm, oxy, heroin (smoked), amphetamine, kratom, and several other i dont recall lol off the top of my head, around 14 drugs total on one or more occasions. It's been a while since I touched out else besides one benzo, a bit of weed and tabs/drink.
I was fine till I got a very mild case of hppd, and had previous minor psychotic breaks and voices (I am with a team now, looking back it was more schizo-eske back then but I need the support more now due to midly frying my brain... or it's how it seems, especially drinking, I think alcoholism runs in my family. So check it hppd and also confirmed "psychotic tendencies", drink for a while because I like it and it lessens my anxiety, then it started making me depressed from binging, sure i had a tinge of ARBD but I dont wanna self dx but at one point or more it felt that way.
And also depelting my serotnin resources from chain-smoking, had this problem mildly on and off for few years, tried to fix myself with suppluments many did a bit, but caused health conditions like gp/a and e level. I always come out happier and having my problems go from 50 to 2 after clearing my head sober around other people.
Always had this gotta try it all attitude like (ill try a bottle of low dose k spaced evenly, or smoking green, tabs, used nitrous a lot, drank a lot, had a bit of a benzo problem but that was a while ago, amps a few times, once was dangerous to my health 4 years ago I o'd, but after a few days in hosptial i was alright enough, never touched it since, narcotics... many tried those even in pill form was alright, etc. Recently got buzzed off weed it was good but bought some more for myself, tangie dream, i still have thoughts loops even sober people around me think im going round in circles, in my head just had loads of critical thoughts, guilt, panic inducing thoughts, terror memory gaps you know the score of greening out. This is harm reduction but for me doing 'safe' drugs personally, measured out etc. to me once or twice spaced out cant really hurt me its an experience but ymmv. I liked weed cos it made me feel good and tingly and everything was great and it was a safer escape from life pain and emotional pain than narcotics.
Got counselling for it and recommenced zoloft, think i said before i am iffy about who i open up to about past usage as if it wasnt obivous due to judjgment especially from the uk health system which is great but... yeah. but im iffy about the effects which is strange given my extended history.
Had a bit of depression recently, a tinge of anger, felt in a whole, thought weed could get me and cos drink was making me sadder, it didn't. Think ill take a break for a while i could probably enjoy low dose weed if it wasnt for this intuitive thought loop thing in my head 24/7, its like hallucinations of folk saying things in my head to put me in a bad trip as well as the feeling of being berated by memories when high not good. This time it was traumatic actually felt horrible, got very emotional, curled up, terror feeling. Hope i dont get dp/dr.
If I really use manpower and find other ways to cope, by only drinking few times a week, around guidelines, odd tab nothing else I'm not weaning off anything. when i say used here and there i dont mean i did k daily, and also weed after it wore off and benzos the next day then pregab etc. somewhere along the way mentally im better others notice but i still feel like i fried me brain a bit like wanted support on how long it would take to recover without going back, few weeks or months.
People on other forums reached out when I mentioned this saying my current posts are harder to read than my last.
Couldnt imagine having 4 constant polysubstance use disorder daily, stopping or weaning then your brain is still cravign and figirign the signals that were fired when taking the drug, not having it but its this numbish feeling at times.
I've been smoking weed on and off since I was around... 18, now 27, sound fairly standard from my peers and drinking since 17-16 ish too. tried 2cb, xanax, dpam, etizolam, flubromazolem, ketamine, pregab dxm, oxy, heroin (smoked), amphetamine, kratom, and several other i dont recall lol off the top of my head, around 14 drugs total on one or more occasions. It's been a while since I touched out else besides one benzo, a bit of weed and tabs/drink.
I was fine till I got a very mild case of hppd, and had previous minor psychotic breaks and voices (I am with a team now, looking back it was more schizo-eske back then but I need the support more now due to midly frying my brain... or it's how it seems, especially drinking, I think alcoholism runs in my family. So check it hppd and also confirmed "psychotic tendencies", drink for a while because I like it and it lessens my anxiety, then it started making me depressed from binging, sure i had a tinge of ARBD but I dont wanna self dx but at one point or more it felt that way.
And also depelting my serotnin resources from chain-smoking, had this problem mildly on and off for few years, tried to fix myself with suppluments many did a bit, but caused health conditions like gp/a and e level. I always come out happier and having my problems go from 50 to 2 after clearing my head sober around other people.
Always had this gotta try it all attitude like (ill try a bottle of low dose k spaced evenly, or smoking green, tabs, used nitrous a lot, drank a lot, had a bit of a benzo problem but that was a while ago, amps a few times, once was dangerous to my health 4 years ago I o'd, but after a few days in hosptial i was alright enough, never touched it since, narcotics... many tried those even in pill form was alright, etc. Recently got buzzed off weed it was good but bought some more for myself, tangie dream, i still have thoughts loops even sober people around me think im going round in circles, in my head just had loads of critical thoughts, guilt, panic inducing thoughts, terror memory gaps you know the score of greening out. This is harm reduction but for me doing 'safe' drugs personally, measured out etc. to me once or twice spaced out cant really hurt me its an experience but ymmv. I liked weed cos it made me feel good and tingly and everything was great and it was a safer escape from life pain and emotional pain than narcotics.
Got counselling for it and recommenced zoloft, think i said before i am iffy about who i open up to about past usage as if it wasnt obivous due to judjgment especially from the uk health system which is great but... yeah. but im iffy about the effects which is strange given my extended history.
Had a bit of depression recently, a tinge of anger, felt in a whole, thought weed could get me and cos drink was making me sadder, it didn't. Think ill take a break for a while i could probably enjoy low dose weed if it wasnt for this intuitive thought loop thing in my head 24/7, its like hallucinations of folk saying things in my head to put me in a bad trip as well as the feeling of being berated by memories when high not good. This time it was traumatic actually felt horrible, got very emotional, curled up, terror feeling. Hope i dont get dp/dr.
If I really use manpower and find other ways to cope, by only drinking few times a week, around guidelines, odd tab nothing else I'm not weaning off anything. when i say used here and there i dont mean i did k daily, and also weed after it wore off and benzos the next day then pregab etc. somewhere along the way mentally im better others notice but i still feel like i fried me brain a bit like wanted support on how long it would take to recover without going back, few weeks or months.
People on other forums reached out when I mentioned this saying my current posts are harder to read than my last.
Couldnt imagine having 4 constant polysubstance use disorder daily, stopping or weaning then your brain is still cravign and figirign the signals that were fired when taking the drug, not having it but its this numbish feeling at times.
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