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TDS near death experience

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The Warden

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Jul 27, 2012
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SL,UT
So last Friday 3*8*13, I almost died at work. Ever since then I have hated myself. Some days it's not bad, but other days it's crippling. I've been hanging out with as many people as possible to keep my mind occupied, sucks not having a job, because that always distracts me from life.
Just curious as to what may be causing this self hate. I haven't had any suicidal thoughts since, just felt like shit.
How has almost dying affected you? How long did it take for this strangeness to go away?
 
I'm sorry to hear that. How did you almost die (that would help people understand and help you)? I'm assuming that it cost you your job since you said it happened at work and then you said it sucks not having a job.

Homeless --> TDS
 
I've literally died for a little less than five minutes due to an opiate overdose. That was followed by a few days in a coma and damage to every single one of my organs. There was a team of roughly 10 doctors fighting to save my life and literally no one could explain how I lived without being a vegetable.

It's been five years since that happened, but I still think about it every single day. Things do get better though and the self hate really goes away.
 
Coming close to death definitely gave me some lasting anxiety and feelings of self-loathing, so I wouldn't say that's abnormal. Could you explain what happened to you and if you have any injuries, brain damage, etc? Those things could play roles in how you feel and how you will recover.
 
Sometimes almost dying causes the fact of deaths inevitability to become real to a person. When it becomes real that we will die someday and that day could actually be any day and could have been that day, it makes sense that you may be have some disgust with with yourself based upon an idea of what you would have judged your life to be worth if that would have been it. In other word if you had died right then and looked at your life as a finished thing, what would you have thought about your life. life is short, get as much in as possible.. you can slow down when your dead.. only thing we take with us is the memories of all our experiences and what we have learned.. I say live everyday like it was your last and get as much in as you can, because one day it will be your last. Hope you get to the root of it.
 
ive come close to death a few times

it is really shitty for the next few weeks, and people that know about it will act strangely around you for 1-2 months plus

just try and learn from what caused you to almost die
 
I've almost died a few times and the feelings of self-loathing were definitely there. I think it also depends a lot on the circumstances. The first couple of times were completely random and I just felt so mad at myself for getting that close to not being around anymore, and not having done so many of the things I wanted to. I was fairly young both times so it's not as if I had huge plans at the time but it was just all so weird and confusing...it felt like something was wrong, both with me and the world.

The more recent times it was because of not being careful enough with drugs so most of the hatred came from the fact that I was just mad at how stupid and reckless I'd been.
But honestly, no matter what happened I think it's perfectly normal and legitimate for you to feel like this. It might help for you to talk to some people about it, be it friends, family, a therapist...it's a pretty shocking and traumatising experience that you shouldn't keep bottled up. If you face all your feelings and fears head-on there's no reason this self-loathing shouldn't go away quickly.
 
i was almost electrocuted.
death is not new to me. i have had friends and family pass away. i have attempted suicide a few times in the past.
this experience has just made it very hard to interact with almost everyone, i say almost everyone because i am forced to be where i am. no gas to leave until thursday. i have gone out with friends as a distraction, but it doesn't help. movies, music; hell, i went to tiesto the next day and i still have this self hatred.
i'm not upset that i almost died and my company didn't care, i'm more upset that i haven't been able to enjoy ANYTHING since the event.
 
I didn't hate myself after having near death experiences but it was definitely an eye opener and it left me with PTSD.

Definitely keep talking to friends and family, and consider seeing a therapist or psychiatrist.

Do you want to share the details about what happened?
 
oh yeah, no injuries or anything. just a little more messed up upstairs than before..
also, i quit because i don't see the point in working for a company that almost gets you killed and then yells at you for not using an unsafe machine.
 
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The Warden said:
oh yeah, no injuries or anything. just a little more messed up upstairs than before..
Click to expand...

Do you mean that you didn't actually get shocked and just came close to it, or that you did get shocked and just didn't die? Just trying to understand so I can tell whether it's possible that what you're experiencing may be due to the physical effects or only to the emotional stress of such an incident. When I almost died I actually injured my brain as well as having issues that were likely due to the emotional trauma.
 
I had a near death experience in September. I'm still very much confused about it and why I survived. I don't think there's a day that goes by that I haven't really thought about it for at least a little bit since then and sometimes wishing that I wouldn't have survived. I don't know if I'd say that I hate myself (usually anyway). I just am often bewildered as to the reason that I'm still here.
 
I myself had a near death experience last spring. The first couple weeks afterward I felt detached from the world, and everything seemed so mundane, so unreal. It really made me realize how delicate your life is and how easily it can be lost. The way I look at it in a positive light is that I didn't in fact die so I must be here for some reason. Just my contribution.
 
What I've gathered is that I pretty much have to give it time.
It's strange that I've hated myself for a long time, this incident just made it worse.
 
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Self-hatred is learned over a lifetime, reinforced then over and over again by your own perceptions of events. It makes sense that it takes both time and effort to learn how to unravel it. It's the best thing you can do for yourself, though.<3
 
Is a prerequisite to being a moderator that you need to have had a near-death experience?? Holy smokes, it seems like I'm missing out on the fun with all these near death experiences!

I have never had a near death experience, but have been the cause of someone else death. I think I can relate to the self-hatred you speak of, but mine was geared towards wishing I could have taken his place to save his life.
It took a while to get over the whole experience, but it does fade over time, so hang in there.

You say you've disliked yourself for some time. Do you maybe wish you would've lost your life when it happened? I apologize for the rude assumption.
 
Sounds sort of similar to post-traumatic stress disorder except more of a depressed self-loathing as opposed to hyper-anxious. I would say it's a pretty common reaction to being in a situation where you could have easily lost your life and also not feeling supported or comforted by others. If you are prone to depression, guilt or feelings of low self-worth the incident could have triggered that into over-drive and the situation with quitting your job (understandably) could easily have made you feel worse. Would you be able to do some therapy or self-help techniques? Anything you enjoy doing that you could focus on? For me I found things like playing music and getting outdoors helpful, as well as examining my thought patterns and trying to take a mindful non-judgmental approach to myself instead of blaming myself.
 
Swimmingdancer said:
as well as examining my thought patterns and trying to take a mindful non-judgmental approach to myself instead of blaming myself.
Click to expand...

I think this a very helpful advice. Being mindful of your thoughts can lead to great revelations and understanding of yourself. There's nothing wrong with feeling sad or angry, but don't be mad at yourself for feeling that way. Instead, take care of those thoughts and help them to metamorphose into something better.
 
I see it as an awesome rush. i have had more than a few almost fucking died moments, and would say I live for them.

rejoice, you won this round, and when you lose it wont matter.
 
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