walterdini
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2012
- Messages
- 118
Is this possible? Can one have a fetish with snorting the way people do with needles, or a fixation with your nose the way people have oral fixations with ciggs? I believe I have one, and if true, I'd like to know how to break this fixation/fetish. I want to stop it, b/c I believe it is part of the reason why I keep using coke and cannot quit for more than a week or two at a time---because of my nose obsession and not b/c ( or not just b/c of the high)
I have a perforated septum (hole in cartlige btwn nostrils) and at times I feel like I want to snort coke just to clean my nose out afterwards and not so much b/c I want to get high...
This only started after I realized I burned a hole in my nose from daily coke use. I started blowing chunks of what look liked cartlige or the beginings/precursors of it, and became obsessed/facinaated with the giants scabs forming and subsequently being blown out of my nose.
The hole starts to fill up with mucos, dried blood, flesh, etc... And a plug forms, this only happens after about 12+ hoours since I start using, and really takes more like 24+ hours for a mature "plug" to form. I spend hours picking at and tryinng to blow these plugs out. And the sense of fullfilment I get from shooting one of these out from my nose is insane. ( I mean that literally, how doing this has become such a focus of my energy is disturbing...). It takes hours of blowing and picking to loosen these plugs, and they are burried behind layers of mucos with varied and predictable consistency, so that I can tell when I'm coming closer to getting at the plug. Once I get it out, another does not start forming, not unless I start/continue doing more coke.
I've been trying to quit coke, and once I extract the plug from my most recent useage, no more form unless I snort some more. It is almost frustrating to me, that only clear snot and green mucus is coming out during these days of sobriety. Its like I miss not being able to put this chunk of mucus/flesh onto a tissue and examine it. On days I am sober I still examine my nose hoping to find a plug growing but none do, and I often end up giving myself nosebleeds by poking around there so much.
I feel like this obsession is **partially** driving me to use, and snot has now become a trigger for me. Has anyone ever heard of or experienced anything like this? Does anyone have any tips for breaking the fixation?
Sorry for the gorry details and nasty personal info, but was necessary to explain the issue
I have a perforated septum (hole in cartlige btwn nostrils) and at times I feel like I want to snort coke just to clean my nose out afterwards and not so much b/c I want to get high...
This only started after I realized I burned a hole in my nose from daily coke use. I started blowing chunks of what look liked cartlige or the beginings/precursors of it, and became obsessed/facinaated with the giants scabs forming and subsequently being blown out of my nose.
The hole starts to fill up with mucos, dried blood, flesh, etc... And a plug forms, this only happens after about 12+ hoours since I start using, and really takes more like 24+ hours for a mature "plug" to form. I spend hours picking at and tryinng to blow these plugs out. And the sense of fullfilment I get from shooting one of these out from my nose is insane. ( I mean that literally, how doing this has become such a focus of my energy is disturbing...). It takes hours of blowing and picking to loosen these plugs, and they are burried behind layers of mucos with varied and predictable consistency, so that I can tell when I'm coming closer to getting at the plug. Once I get it out, another does not start forming, not unless I start/continue doing more coke.
I've been trying to quit coke, and once I extract the plug from my most recent useage, no more form unless I snort some more. It is almost frustrating to me, that only clear snot and green mucus is coming out during these days of sobriety. Its like I miss not being able to put this chunk of mucus/flesh onto a tissue and examine it. On days I am sober I still examine my nose hoping to find a plug growing but none do, and I often end up giving myself nosebleeds by poking around there so much.
I feel like this obsession is **partially** driving me to use, and snot has now become a trigger for me. Has anyone ever heard of or experienced anything like this? Does anyone have any tips for breaking the fixation?
Sorry for the gorry details and nasty personal info, but was necessary to explain the issue
