NASADD social v. My moneh big so it's HoL and Skillz and The Rock Monster's birthday

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Awww...Jb,I was just thinking about you and wondering how you were. Thanks for the early b-day wish. I actually just got a call from my herb dealer and I will be high as a kite on my b-day,as well I should. For fuck sake I gave up everything else-except for the occasional IV binge on my ADD RX. I don't mind being sober,but there are certain days of the year that, as a grown responsible junkie-I deserve to get fucked up!!! My g/f has my back though-even though I have been off opes for almost 2years,we have on 3 other occasions shared a 100mg morphine pill(of which I can now only handle LESS than a quarter of-some where between 12-15mgs IV is almost too much-and I used to bang 3 60mg morphine pills back to back!). So I might still partake of that as well since a few fell in her lap to get her through until tuesday when she gets her methadone refilled. Last time I shot 25mgs and it made me sick...pins and needles and then nausea. Fuck that...the point is to feel GOOD,right? I know one thing-it feels great to know that I have resolved my opiate issues and that I can and have successfully had a taste and let it go. I don't drink anymore-nor do I have the desire to so getting drunk was never an option. I'd rather be miserable sober than be miserable drunk.
Regardless,at least I know I will be getting stoned immaculate tomorrow. And then I am gonna run a train on some sushi!!! :) yummmmmmm.....man,I can't wait!
Getting older really does turn the simple things in life into HUGE satisfactions! I am gonna fuck some tuna up-along w/ some eel,yellow tail,wasabi eggs,maybe a simple california roll to even things out...fuckin' A-my mouth is watering like i am about to get some pussy.must be a lesbian thing - besides-pussy is for desert!!! ;)
it's gonna be a good birthday...bout time-the last 4 have sucked asshole! I so deserve this! :D
 
skillz~4~thrillz said:
RWOT....You almost made me piss my pants with that post! LMFAO....besides no cocaine...how you doin'???<3
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I'm doin pretty good. Nothing real exciting here. Workin on my car a little bit then about to go out to a smoke out erm I mean cook out at a co-worker's house. Should be a pretty good time. These guys are cool at work but other than a couple of company happy hours I haven't really had much of a chance to get fucked up with these dudes yet outside of a work enviornment. Than and one of them used to be a master chef, cooks awesome stuff. He just moved up from the south so now he's gonna show us all sorts of his own southern bbq recipes and shit.

Lol yeah I don't really do coke that often anymore but I can totally relate. Nothing takes the wind out of your sail quite like thinking you're in for a couple grams of coke only to find out that you aren't getting any. That and wanting more coke but not having any money left. Those are the two shittiest side effects of coke.

Johnny blue said:
Happy birthday Skillz! Well tomorrow anyways.

I remember back in my upper days rounding up the crew to go out to a club or something and then you find out that your connect fell through. It felt like someone shot your dog but, that my friends is why there is coke bars. There was always the fail safe bar to go to where nothing but, coke dealers were about and that always made for an interesting night/morning. Typically ending up at a house/apartment owned by someone that we didn't even know until the sun came out.
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I can think of a few places off the top of my head... although many of the ones I used to know are closed down now or just turned into dance clubs and such. Good times though, good times. I have a buddy/ old roommate (was actually my roomie at the time I joined BL) that used to be able to find it anywhere. Like even if we walked into some preppy joint, he could look around for about 3 minutes and say "that guy has coke", wander off and surely enough come back with a ball a few minutes later.

wiggi said:
Do any of yall ever feel like drugs find you instead of you finding drugs?
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Yeah, sometimes they just seek me out, and when that happens you have to. Sometimes though I really do have to hunt around for shit which really sucks.
Also for some reason, completely unintentionally and coincidentally for the last 3 or 4 years straight I'll just so happen to stay up all night doing coke the night before Easter so I show up to my family not having slept, and trying not to look like I was up all night doing blow. Funny part is I don't really spend that much time doing coke at all anymore, it just happens to find me every year around the same time.
 
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skillz~4~thrillz said:
what's up fuckers???

I need to backtrack and catch up bc i took a few days off from Bl-and Moderating.

ohline-i send you my love. sounds like you are struggling. sending you peaceful,loving,healing energy.

that goes for all of you,fuck faces!

I love your guts,guys and gals.
Much peace and love................................skillz <3
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY LADY

and thanks for the love. i'm not sure what's going on with me but it's at it again and doesn't seem to want to let up this time.

Cap'n Jay said:
but is anyone else getting wasted tonight?
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pffft. you know the deal.

i shall also be knocking them back in honor of ms. skillz tonight.




also (totally unrelated), this is probably my favorite music video ever (for right now). experience the joy.
 
@Jay i'm on a b-day weekend speed binge with my trusty ADD RX to abuse...I am already wasted!!! 8o

@ohline thanks,girl!!! glad to be an excuse to get fucked up-you can never have to many of those-I have about a gigatilazillion reserved for myself. :D
don't forget...I am always here if you need to talk-even if you don't quite know what it is you need to talk about. use me and abuse me,baby!!! treat me like a drug! ;)

<3 your guts,ladies.................skillz :D
 
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ohline, you, me, drinking game...tonight...6pm....................................................................that is all
 
skillz~4~thrillz said:
@Jay i'm on a b-day weekend speed binge with my trusty ADD RX to abuse...I am already wasted!!! 8o

@ohline thanks,girl!!! glad to be an excuse to get fucked up-you can never have to many of those-I have about a gigatilazillion reserved for myself. :D
don't forget...I am always here if you need to talk-even if you don't quite know what it is you need to talk about. use me and abuse me,baby!!! treat me like a drug! ;)

<3 your guts,ladies.................skillz :D
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well, since you asked.. ;) <3

Cap'n Jay said:
ohline, you, me, drinking game...tonight...6pm....................................................................that is all
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wait. what time is it there?

if i'm not mistaken our 6pms are at different times.
 
Cap'n Jay said:
^ it's pretty much statistics, from what I gather U.S. schools have sooo many more courses...we don't have "floral design" and stuff like that here..
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yes yes, us americans get such a great education taking classes such as floral design.........ps i took floral design in HS.

Never Knows Best said:
Greetings NASASASDADaS, I normally hang in PD, but now that I'm finally connected to mah local dope (it feels unnatural calling it that, haha, used to that being used to refer to meth) scene my life is gonna be very heroin centric, and I'm sure they don't wanna here about my nod too much. This seems to be the place for that~

Plus y'all need more tar using Cali folk up in here. :)
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you just get into dope? or you just getting absorbed by it?


wiggi said:
Do any of yall ever feel like drugs find you instead of you finding drugs?
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wish some mushrooms would find me

ohline said:
well, since you asked.. ;) <3



wait. what time is it there?

if i'm not mistaken our 6pms are at different times.
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she lives in Canada, not Europe. ;)

IMPRTANT:
soo yall i have had a rocky last couple days, as yall know me and my girl have been together for a little over 10 months, i credit her with saving me from dope and alot of thoughts about not wanting to be in this world, ive helped her with certain things that i wont go into cuz its not my issues to talk about, i feel like we saved eachother, she gives me hope, love, life, and a desire to live, but i found out thursday night that back in January, when i was first trying to start getting clean, as yall might remember i started tryin to quit in january and wasnt succesfull til april, well back in january after one of my relapses we broke up, as we did just about everytime i relapsed she went n called some guy up n had sex with him, technically we werent together but we also hadnt even been broken up for 24 hours yet, infact we werent even apart for 24 hours cuz we got back together the next morning at work

i was crushed to find this out, my heart was broken, i was suicidal again, but there is something inside me that cant walk away, i have tried to focus on the fact that this happened ~8 months ago and i dunno what i would do to her if she looked me in the eyes countless times and said "im not gonna use anymore baby, because i love you" i know that i hurt her alot, i also know cheating on someone with dope is not the same as just cheating on someone. im not coming her to ask what i should do because i have stayed with her, i just wanna get some things off my chest and wanna vent, she truly does make me soo happy, i love her and she loves me, i know someone who loves someone would never do that, but its not as though she was running around on me the whole time, she made a mistake awhile ago. i know going into this she was a promiscuous girl, in fact we started hooking up cuz her 1st thing she said to me was in a text "are you a good fuck" and to that i replied "wanna find out" we hit it off though, from the first night we sat up and talked for hours, she told me stuff she has never told anyone, again i cant go into it but i know we both saved eachother, the way i look at it is kinda that, when we hooked up i was a junkie and she helped me see more in myself and want more from myself, and when we hooked up she was a girl who thought all she was good for was sex, and i beleive i have helped her see she is more, i see what she did as kind of a relapse with the person she was, not who she is, cuz idont believe she is that person. i just am still torn and find my mind going back n forth, i know i love her and i know i wanna be with her so i have continued to be with her, but it doesnt change the fact that thoughts still creep into my mind and it also makes me believe what she says less, which of course is natural after ones been lied to like this, i know we can be happy but i still feel torn
 
^ If that was me HoL, I would leave that girl. In my experience, once a slut, always a slut.

Or as Ludacris so eloquently put it, "You can't turn a hoe into a housewife."

I had a similar situation happen to me with two different girls and each time I was too stupid to break up with them.
 
awww...Hol,sweetie. I feel you,brother. listen-you are a great person. and i admire and encourage you to get clean. but you cannot beat yourself up-we all slip,we are human. you just have to say-fuck it-it's a new day. "do over!"...also,a relationship may not be the best thing when trying toward whatever level of recovery you are aiming for. know that you are fucking AWESOME!!! you are one of the 1st real friends i have made here and i care about you and always backtrack to keep up w/ what's up w/ you bc i love you-i do this w/ every one i care for here. it is worth the time to go back and read what you and my other peeps post bc i love you mother fuckers.
also-you need to be around ppl who don't make you feel guilty about your use and who encourage you to just shake it off and try again. to congratulate you on just wanting a better life-for yourself. and someone who would just go fuck someone else has issues of their own-i think being cut off from her might be best for now-it is obviously hurting you deep in your core or you wouldn't be here sharing w/ your other family. i know that isn't what you want to hear but it's kind of tough love truth and i wouldn't be brutally honest w/ you if i didn't care. i want you to know that i am here for you-been where you are and understand more than i can convey in this post. i am 35 today and i have been through alot-just about everything. i have fought for 10 years to get my addictions and use to where they are today. all i do is smoke herb and binge once a month and IV my ADD RX...and that is a needle addiction ONLY. and i am battling and struggling with it-but at the same time i am so proud bc i have come so far and trust me,there were many set backs along the way-and there are more to come. that's life. it suck sweaty asshole,but that is reality.
you need to be confident in who you are-take care of you and love you. believe in yourself...I do!!! you ARE a fucking GREAT person-even w/ your flaws and when you love someone you love the good and the bad bc no one is perfect and we all have good and bad-not malicious,just unhealthy,self destructive behaviors and demons to battle. but as you grow you will see that the good is you by far out ways any negative behaviors or actions that you have-AND WE ALL HAVE THAT,BABY. just part of the journey. it is YOUR journey,HoL...yours. in the end YOU are the one that has to live with YOU. concentrate on all the positive about you. you are young and i won't lie-i do not miss my 20s...it was a decade of hard,trying lessons and unexplainable heartache. but it made me the kick ass resident lesbian that you all love and yet roll your eyes at ;) i would not change anything about my life and i have had some truly horrible,horrible things happen to me. but i survived and i learned and like you-i know i will die one day but it won't be at my own hand. i've had several,real and severe suicide attempts since 15 and i have seen what is does to the ppl you love and those who love you. trust me,sweetie...this too shall pass. everything does...the only thing that stays the same is change.

i may not be able to be in touch again today-i have to start getting ready soon for my dinner and small fam cake and ice cream get together and i MUST see the True Blood finally at 9pm...old ladies really know how to party-i'm gonna smoke some pot and shoot some MPh,of course bc it's my bday and the past 4 have been shit ass!!! so i am trying to mega multi-task on Bl-get high w/o my parents noticing and get ready to run a train on some sushi at 4:30pm.
but i will be back-if not today or tonight def in the AM. so you get back to me,ok. know that you are loved.....by many!!! :D

MUCH peace and love.....................................skillz <3 <3 <3
 
hey wiggi...i spaced on saying hey yesterday...and yes,drugs do find me...i have altered the universe so that it is so.

you doing ok??? hope so.

Much peace and love................skillz <3 :D <3
 
Cap'n Jay said:
but is anyone else getting wasted tonight?
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PSHhhhhhh. Nah, I fuckin hate drinkin, especially eating bars while drinking. I did not partake in excessive amounts of that last night. No sir, not I.

Translation: yeah, I got pretty fucked up.






Happy birthday Skillz!



Hol: As much as it sucks to say, some chicks can't change. I've had to walk away from one of those girls before, similar situation too (minus the addiction aspect, this was back in the day). You can take the dick out of a girl, but you can't pull it out of her mind. If you're going to stick with her you're going to have to be able to trust her. It's up to you if you do or not really
 
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