I'm going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings now after an intense few days of thinking and talking to my dad. He's a recovering alcoholic who stopped drinking five years ago and has been through AA. I talked to him for hours on the phone just bawling and he found an NA group near me that I can go to.
I haven't used since the day after my daughter's birthday. I don't have any money and my dealer is going away for a long time (he got busted manufacturing meth), and I don't just randomly score drugs from anyone after being robbed more times than I can count. So I can't get them, and was forced into kicking the meth for a bit.
I've been sober for four days now, and the worst of it seems to be over. The feeling of being so exhausted but too awake to sleep is gone. The intense ravenous hunger is subsiding. The muscle aches are few and far between now. I'm still kind of in a brain fog, but the worst of it seems to be in the past now.
My daughter definitely knows when I'm using and when I'm not, and this is the longest I have gone without using in about a year now. I can tell she is happier.
I talked to her dad, and when I'm off the ice I can actually speak somewhat civil to him instead of yelling and threatening him. He is backing off on wanting to be in her life since he owes me seven years of child support. He has his girlfriend pregnant right now and says he has "other priorities." All I said was I really hope he can do right by this new baby, but nothing will make up for him leaving his daughter in the dust.
So I'm going to go to meetings as often as I can, I'm going to find a sponsor, and I'm really going to work at getting clean. I need to do it for myself and for my baby. She's seven years old now, and she's growing up and is going to need her mother. And I can't be there for her when I'm focused on smoking that next bowl or railing another line. I can't go to her school conferences and hear about what a joy she is with greasy hair and chapped lips after a binge.
My first meeting is tonight. I'll let you all know how things go.
I haven't used since the day after my daughter's birthday. I don't have any money and my dealer is going away for a long time (he got busted manufacturing meth), and I don't just randomly score drugs from anyone after being robbed more times than I can count. So I can't get them, and was forced into kicking the meth for a bit.
I've been sober for four days now, and the worst of it seems to be over. The feeling of being so exhausted but too awake to sleep is gone. The intense ravenous hunger is subsiding. The muscle aches are few and far between now. I'm still kind of in a brain fog, but the worst of it seems to be in the past now.
My daughter definitely knows when I'm using and when I'm not, and this is the longest I have gone without using in about a year now. I can tell she is happier.
I talked to her dad, and when I'm off the ice I can actually speak somewhat civil to him instead of yelling and threatening him. He is backing off on wanting to be in her life since he owes me seven years of child support. He has his girlfriend pregnant right now and says he has "other priorities." All I said was I really hope he can do right by this new baby, but nothing will make up for him leaving his daughter in the dust.
So I'm going to go to meetings as often as I can, I'm going to find a sponsor, and I'm really going to work at getting clean. I need to do it for myself and for my baby. She's seven years old now, and she's growing up and is going to need her mother. And I can't be there for her when I'm focused on smoking that next bowl or railing another line. I can't go to her school conferences and hear about what a joy she is with greasy hair and chapped lips after a binge.
My first meeting is tonight. I'll let you all know how things go.
