My first visionary drug experience occurred when I was 18 years old. At
the time, I had never taken any psychoactive drugs with only a few
exceptions: small amounts of alcohol, demerol once in the hospital (I
just went to sleep), and N2O at the dentist. My previous experiences
with N2O were not really significant; they generally relaxed me and made
me too spaced out to really remember anything.
----
It's early in the morning. I am about to undergo dental work, and I am
very anxious about it. I am some what resistent to dental anesthetics,
and I explain my concerns to the dentist. He offers to supplement using
N2O to which I gladly agree to; little do I know what is in store for
me.
I feel light headed immediately upon breathing the gas. I try to
explain something to the dentist that I think is relevant at the
time, but I quickly realize that my words are not making any sense
which causes me to feel mildly embarrassed. This doesn't really matter
though because within 30 seconds of having placed the mask over my head,
I can no longer make sense of anything I am seeing with my eyes open.
For a couple of minutes, I listen to the background noises in the
office. I can vividly hear but not understand the conversations spoken
by people at the front desk along with a chattering radio station. This
is about the most I ever got from my previous N2O experiences. After a
while, everything seems to fade away.
The sounds in the background are gone. I feel an overwhelming sense of
peace and my body feels weightless. The next thing I know, I am flying
through outer space, surrounded by brightly colorful stars and galaxies.
I have no idea how I got here or where I came from. It feels like I'm
in a dream. I fly through some of the stars and I am overwhelmed by
intense heat and bright white light as I fly through them. Everything
around me feels alive. The energy that the stars radiate burns
intensely through me filling me with intense feelings of love.
After this vision, I don't recall what happens next. I think I may
return briefly to the dentist's office before I suddenly wake up. I
sit up in bed and look around the room. The clock indicates it is
about 3 in the morning. I realize that I have a dentist appointment
tomorrow and that I am feeling a bit apprehensive about it. I decide
to go back to sleep, and so I lie back down.
The next thing I know, I am lying some where, but it's not my own bed.
I feel extremely groggy and I can't focus my eyes on anything. Within a
few minutes, I am able to sit up and I realize that I am at the
dentist's office. It occurs to me that the work is finished which I
find greatly relieving. The dentist looks over and comments that I had
been breathing pure oxygen for 15 minutes.
Hearing this news is some what startling. I don't bother to ask any
more questions, but I can't help but wonder if I had some how
responded adversely to the N2O, or if the dentist had overdosed me or
maybe forgotten to turn on the oxygen. I ponder that perhaps my
experience was a normal yet infrequent occurrence with N2O. At the same
time, I feel incredibly fortunate to have been "gifted" with such a
beautiful experience.
About 10 minutes later, I decide that the effects are gone and I can
safely drive home. Upon sitting in the driver's seat, I realize I am
not ready to leave yet. I immediately recognize that I have absolutely
no sense of mortality or fear of death. I decide that this manner of
thinking is likely to be hazardous to me; therefore, I force myself
to make a promise: I will avoid death at all costs until I've had an
appropriate opportunity for introspection.
---
Fortunately, My "healthy" fear of death gradually returned after a few
days. In the weeks that followed, I was still in awe of the experience
and at least attempted to explain it to many people, most of whom
couldn't relate to it unfortunately. The experience considerably
sparked my interest in using drugs for the exploration of consciousness.
It was almost a year before I tried Cannabis for the first time. A few
months after this, I tried MDMA, and then Ayahuasca. I guess I could
say that N2O was my gateway drug.
the time, I had never taken any psychoactive drugs with only a few
exceptions: small amounts of alcohol, demerol once in the hospital (I
just went to sleep), and N2O at the dentist. My previous experiences
with N2O were not really significant; they generally relaxed me and made
me too spaced out to really remember anything.
----
It's early in the morning. I am about to undergo dental work, and I am
very anxious about it. I am some what resistent to dental anesthetics,
and I explain my concerns to the dentist. He offers to supplement using
N2O to which I gladly agree to; little do I know what is in store for
me.
I feel light headed immediately upon breathing the gas. I try to
explain something to the dentist that I think is relevant at the
time, but I quickly realize that my words are not making any sense
which causes me to feel mildly embarrassed. This doesn't really matter
though because within 30 seconds of having placed the mask over my head,
I can no longer make sense of anything I am seeing with my eyes open.
For a couple of minutes, I listen to the background noises in the
office. I can vividly hear but not understand the conversations spoken
by people at the front desk along with a chattering radio station. This
is about the most I ever got from my previous N2O experiences. After a
while, everything seems to fade away.
The sounds in the background are gone. I feel an overwhelming sense of
peace and my body feels weightless. The next thing I know, I am flying
through outer space, surrounded by brightly colorful stars and galaxies.
I have no idea how I got here or where I came from. It feels like I'm
in a dream. I fly through some of the stars and I am overwhelmed by
intense heat and bright white light as I fly through them. Everything
around me feels alive. The energy that the stars radiate burns
intensely through me filling me with intense feelings of love.
After this vision, I don't recall what happens next. I think I may
return briefly to the dentist's office before I suddenly wake up. I
sit up in bed and look around the room. The clock indicates it is
about 3 in the morning. I realize that I have a dentist appointment
tomorrow and that I am feeling a bit apprehensive about it. I decide
to go back to sleep, and so I lie back down.
The next thing I know, I am lying some where, but it's not my own bed.
I feel extremely groggy and I can't focus my eyes on anything. Within a
few minutes, I am able to sit up and I realize that I am at the
dentist's office. It occurs to me that the work is finished which I
find greatly relieving. The dentist looks over and comments that I had
been breathing pure oxygen for 15 minutes.
Hearing this news is some what startling. I don't bother to ask any
more questions, but I can't help but wonder if I had some how
responded adversely to the N2O, or if the dentist had overdosed me or
maybe forgotten to turn on the oxygen. I ponder that perhaps my
experience was a normal yet infrequent occurrence with N2O. At the same
time, I feel incredibly fortunate to have been "gifted" with such a
beautiful experience.
About 10 minutes later, I decide that the effects are gone and I can
safely drive home. Upon sitting in the driver's seat, I realize I am
not ready to leave yet. I immediately recognize that I have absolutely
no sense of mortality or fear of death. I decide that this manner of
thinking is likely to be hazardous to me; therefore, I force myself
to make a promise: I will avoid death at all costs until I've had an
appropriate opportunity for introspection.
---
Fortunately, My "healthy" fear of death gradually returned after a few
days. In the weeks that followed, I was still in awe of the experience
and at least attempted to explain it to many people, most of whom
couldn't relate to it unfortunately. The experience considerably
sparked my interest in using drugs for the exploration of consciousness.
It was almost a year before I tried Cannabis for the first time. A few
months after this, I tried MDMA, and then Ayahuasca. I guess I could
say that N2O was my gateway drug.
