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My wife's male friend??

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justinsparky72

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Feb 27, 2017
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So my wife wants to go on a getaway to Europe with her best male friend. They've been friends for years (longer than I've known my wife). They call each other "best friends forever" and "big sis" and "little bro." But part of me is convinced that this guy is in love with her. He treats me with contempt and is always trying to minimize me in her eyes. He is ALWAYS around, and it seems my wife and I can't do anything without her wanting to invite this guy along.
I've tried my hardest to respect her other relationships with people and not be a controlling jerk. But this guy bothers me. The thing that strikes me the most is that this guy has become more and more of a presence in my wife's life the closer we've gotten. It's almost as if he's competing with me for her affections and has stepped up his efforts to remain the #1 guy in her life as my wife and I have grown closer. Every time my wife does something, or goes on a trip with her girlfriends, he comes along.

Both him and my wife are insistent that there is no romantic relationship at all. But that it's like a big sister-little brother relationship. Now my wife wants to go to Europe with him. The thing that makes me so angry is that I have told my wife I would love to take a trip with her and she dismisses it as something she's not interested in. Now she's already booked her plane tickets to go to London with this guy in January. I'm at a loss and very angry. I have expressed my frustrations to my wife and she just tells me there's nothing wrong with it because it's like taking a trip with a brother. I just don't understand this, and part of me just wants to tell her to just divorce me and marry him. I love my wife so much, but it seems like she's more interested in spending time with her "best friend forever" than around me. What do I do? Should I leave her?

It should be noted that I have tried to talk to her about this. She just shuts me down and tells me I'm being ridiculous, that this is "their thing" and I should just get over it. I've also confronted the "best friend" and he says that he's known her longer than me and that I should just BACK OFF, that I don't understand what they have and how special it is. Yet, neither of them wants to be romantically involved (supposedly). I don't understand this. Am I wrong for being angry and feeling like my feelings are being trampled on?
 
There is so much wrong with this I don't even know where to begin. You are not wrong. You are no being ridiculous. Who cares how long they've known each other? A better question is who did she marry? You have to remove this guy from your lives as he is an unhealthy influence. Do you have problems with being assertive?
 
There is something going on there. Absolutely man. If the guy is gay I wouldn't worry about it too much, but if thats not the case u need to have a little talk. She may genuinely think of him as a friend, but I can guarantee u that is not the case for him (if hes straight). You know what I'm saying? How would she feel if u took a trip to Hawaii with a "friend"? Men never have women that are just "friends." They have "friends that are prospects." There is always most certainly other intentions involved.
 
siq said:
There is something going on there. Absolutely man. If the guy is gay I wouldn't worry about it too much, but if thats not the case u need to have a little talk. She may genuinely think of him as a friend, but I can guarantee u that is not the case for him (if hes straight). You know what I'm saying? How would she feel if u took a trip to Hawaii with a "friend"? Men never have women that are just "friends." They have "friends that are prospects." There is always most certainly other intentions involved.
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QFT. When my girl and I started dating many years back, her best 'friend' tried at every turn to convince her that I was scum. Another 'friend' in college did the same. This always led to them coming forward to her eventually and saying that they wanted her. I always told her, shut that shit down and break contact for good. She asked me to do the same with one of my lady 'friends', you dig? And so we broke contact with all those people and we're a happy healthy couple now. Either your wife is ignorant of this guys interests, or she thinks you're dumb as a rock and that she can get away with being an adulteress. Don't let her turn you into a cuckold.
 
Damien said:
There is so much wrong with this I don't even know where to begin. You are not wrong. You are no being ridiculous. Who cares how long they've known each other? A better question is who did she marry? You have to remove this guy from your lives as he is an unhealthy influence. Do you have problems with being assertive?
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No not really but she keeps acting like I'm overreacting
 
Cream Gravy? said:
QFT. When my girl and I started dating many years back, her best 'friend' tried at every turn to convince her that I was scum. Another 'friend' in college did the same. This always led to them coming forward to her eventually and saying that they wanted her. I always told her, shut that shit down and break contact for good. She asked me to do the same with one of my lady 'friends', you dig? And so we broke contact with all those people and we're a happy healthy couple now. Either your wife is ignorant of this guys interests, or she thinks you're dumb as a rock and that she can get away with being an adulteress. Don't let her turn you into a cuckold.
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I'm not
 
If the guy has a penis it is def bad news.but.if some accident happen and cut his dick off or prefers dick inside of him then i wouldnt worry..in my experience some of my female friends that were in relationships that still wanted to see me it was because we were/are intimate and fucked around..all my other female friends cut me off completely because they knew it would hurt there bf feelings and i respected that even tho we were fb..

come to think of it out of the 5 or so good female friends ive had ive messed around with all but 1 and she was the closest out of all of them and stayed plutonic..but i still wanted to bend the plutonic friend over..i cant say what u should do but i wouldnt stand for it..woman are sneaky, i watched my mom lie to my dad for years and i see many of my male friends getting played by there wives.its not jealousy its respect

was she acting like this before u were married?.did u know all about the sis bro thing when u were dating? its 2 diff things if she always acted like this and now u are tired of it or she just started to see this guy alot after u were married despite u ..if its the second id throw her ass out and see if she comes back.. vacations? Really? Id know id be getting some ass
 
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Yeah, I gotta agree with the above posters. Your wife having a male freind is one thing, but this situation seems like more than that. Even if they're not doing anything romantically, your wife seems to put him before you and not really care about your feelings that much.
 
RDP89 said:
Yeah, I gotta agree with the above posters. Your wife having a male freind is one thing, but this situation seems like more than that. Even if they're not doing anything romantically, your wife seems to put him before you and not really care about your feelings that much.
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Yes. If you're not your wife's number one intimacy priority, then she doesn't love you. If my woman was acting like yours, I'd tell her break contact, or hit the road. There's no in-between.
 
justinsparky72 said:
So my wife wants to go on a getaway to Europe with her best male friend. They've been friends for years (longer than I've known my wife). They call each other "best friends forever" and "big sis" and "little bro." But part of me is convinced that this guy is in love with her. He treats me with contempt and is always trying to minimize me in her eyes. He is ALWAYS around, and it seems my wife and I can't do anything without her wanting to invite this guy along.
I've tried my hardest to respect her other relationships with people and not be a controlling jerk. But this guy bothers me. The thing that strikes me the most is that this guy has become more and more of a presence in my wife's life the closer we've gotten. It's almost as if he's competing with me for her affections and has stepped up his efforts to remain the #1 guy in her life as my wife and I have grown closer. Every time my wife does something, or goes on a trip with her girlfriends, he comes along.

Both him and my wife are insistent that there is no romantic relationship at all. But that it's like a big sister-little brother relationship. Now my wife wants to go to Europe with him. The thing that makes me so angry is that I have told my wife I would love to take a trip with her and she dismisses it as something she's not interested in. Now she's already booked her plane tickets to go to London with this guy in January. I'm at a loss and very angry. I have expressed my frustrations to my wife and she just tells me there's nothing wrong with it because it's like taking a trip with a brother. I just don't understand this, and part of me just wants to tell her to just divorce me and marry him. I love my wife so much, but it seems like she's more interested in spending time with her "best friend forever" than around me. What do I do? Should I leave her?

It should be noted that I have tried to talk to her about this. She just shuts me down and tells me I'm being ridiculous, that this is "their thing" and I should just get over it. I've also confronted the "best friend" and he says that he's known her longer than me and that I should just BACK OFF, that I don't understand what they have and how special it is. Yet, neither of them wants to be romantically involved (supposedly). I don't understand this. Am I wrong for being angry and feeling like my feelings are being trampled on?
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It takes 2 seconds to highlight any section of your bullshit story, put it in "quotes" and search it on Google..

Apparently, you've been posting this same story since 2012.. why?
 
Yep. If he's straight then he definitely has alterior motives. When you get married its time to stop hanging with the opposite sex, it always spells disaster. If she can't respect that, I would move on. Just my two cents
 
it is very strange for a married woman to be going to europe with a guy who is not her husband. It also seems weird how much time they spend together. Not saying they are cheating, but a husband and wife are also supposed to be best friends...
 
Kaden_Nite said:
It takes 2 seconds to highlight any section of your bullshit story, put it in "quotes" and search it on Google..

Apparently, you've been posting this same story since 2012.. why?
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hahah that's hilarious! Good work. Have you seen this before?
 
He posts one every week. His wife or gf must have done this a few hundred times by now. Poor guy.

If they just join BL to post in SLR - there's a sign.
If it's something about being cheated on - there's a sign.
Bonus points if there's numbers at the end of the user name.
 
I was gonna say before reading the post that your wife has the right to male friends. But after reading it, yeah this seems really strange and concerning. It sounds like at the very least he is trying to push you out. It also seems weird that she doesn't want to take a trip with you but she wants to go on a trip with him without you.

My girlfriend is close friends with her ex-boyfriend, her last serious boyfriend before me. They were together for 5 years and slowly transitioned to just being friends, but still have love for each other, platonically. They'd been broken up for years before we met. I was a little nervous about it til I met him, because she goes to trim buds for him in Cali (he's a grower) every winter for 2.5 months and stays at his house (with some other trimmers too), makes most of her money for the year that way and enjoys seeing him and some of their friends from back in the day. She makes this trip without me because I have a job and a life where I live. It bothered me but then he came to visit her here (he does this once a year, partly to bring payment), and we all hung out a lot. It was super clear nothing was going on anymore. She didn't act any different around me. And he's awesome and is always really respectful of me and our space (me and my girlfriend's). Love the guy. I never feel any sense that I am not the primary guy in her life. She has a lot of guy friends too, she's one of those girls who has an easier time being friends with guys. I think it's cool and find no problem with it at all.

Just giving you the backstory to say that I'm a guy who is not jealous or possessive, but your story rings quite a few alarm bells with me.

oxlong27 said:
Yep. If he's straight then he definitely has alterior motives. When you get married its time to stop hanging with the opposite sex, it always spells disaster. If she can't respect that, I would move on. Just my two cents
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I disagree with this, it only spells disaster if one of two things is true:

1 - The "hanging out" is actually a developing romantic involvement, ie, infidenlity is happening, or someone is intending for infidelity to happen
2 - One or both people have jealousy issues, which is not the fault of the person hanging out with a friend of the opposite sex, but rather a person neurosis which should be dealt with

In cases where a woman has a longtime friend who is male, it's ridiculous and controlling to expect her to stop being friends with him because she married you. There are plenty of platonic friendships between men and women. And that's valid whether you're in a relationship with someone else or not.
 
sounds fucked. I had a jelous ex and she wanted me to delete all the chicks from my phone so I did, and I said ok now you too and she did. we then became to spend all our time together and burned out. was 4 years of my life I wont get back. but if this really is a reoccurring story why are you posting it?

if it were me, id assertively voice how I feel and ask how she would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. she may say shed be fine with it but women (just like men) say LOTS of SHIT to just be arbitrary. im sure she would be green as well if you had a lady friend you were going to holiday with.

big bro lil sis? come the fuck on, dude deffo has alterior motives. and how can you be sure its only platonic. I mean shit, it sucks being cheated on when your girl drunkly fucks another dude, or you drunkenly fuck two of her friends at the same time, but when theres that emotional aspect involved that adds a totally diff dynamic. id get that sorted right the fuck out.
 
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