My turn for some advice(personal)

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rollwitit

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 14, 1999
Messages
305
Location
PA
I don't want this to sound winey but I am soooo fucking I dunno what... sad depressed whatever.
Here's the deal...I hate boys. Ok not all but I'll try to keep this short. I was in a very serious relationship for five years. So I finally feel like I am ready to date again (it's been two years since we broke up) but every time I meet a guy he seems to fail to meet my expectations and I am always comparing him to my ex. Since him I have yet to meet a guy that can have fun and have a brain too.
So I meet this guy and we've been hanging out. We've been to a few parties together and we hang out here once in a while. Every time I party with him he's kinda a drag, like he sits in the corner and stares at me and my friends while we dance. I basically feel like I am responsible for him having a good time. Besides the partying aspect we seem to have ok fun. We have only been talking for about a month, and I was away for two weeks out of that time. I am a pretty chill person like I don't expect him to call or whatever. We aren't even really dating. But he is constantly calling me and in my face all the time. I am in school and have tons of shit to do all the time. He's not in school and isn't working right now. Sooo I went out of my way to go to his hockey game last night and when we were leaving I said well I think I might go home and do some work then I might go out later(which I never did) implying like do you wanna go out. Whatever! So I heard from his roomate tonight that he was pissed off cause I said I might go out when I said I had so much work. But all I meant was if I get my work done lets go out. ARRRGGGGGhhhh WTF.
I am so frustrated I just feel like I might not be giving him the chance he deserves.
I guess I just needed to vent sorry for my pissiness. I guess I am just wondering if there are any guys left in the world who just wanna chill and be cool with whatever, not this in my face bullshit. Maybe I just expect too much I dunno. Thanks for listening any advice would be greatly appreciated. Peace
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"if man is ever to solve that problem of politics in practice he will have to approach it through the problem of the aesthetic, because it is only through beauty that man makes his way to freedom."
~Schiller
[This message has been edited by rollwitit (edited 20 January 2000).]
 
I'm sorry that your upset. When you get out of a relationship of 5 years you are so used to that person. I would just say give it time you'll come around to another guy. AND that guy that you are dating or whatever maybe you should tell him how you feel and how you don't like him always being in your face. If you don't like someone then don't date them, cause it'll never work. I would just say in time you'll find someone or you'll come around.
 
Thanks bean geek......I am just frustrated with my picky, over analytical self
frown.gif

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"if man is ever to solve that problem of politics in practice he will have to approach it through the problem of the aesthetic, because it is only through beauty that man makes his way to freedom."
~Schiller
 
It sounds like you need to find a man who understands you and respects your feelings and little pet pieves. If he is genuine and really cares he will understand you for who you are.
 
The first thing I see that your doing wrong is comparing guys to your ex. Obviously there was something wrong with him, or he wouldn't be an ex. Every person is different. You are just in a comfort zone to the way you ex was. You have to totally start over. The guy now, I'm not sure if he's right for you or not. I usually am chaired when my GF and I go out to party. Thats just me. I like to kick back, and watch people. Maybe thats the way he is. My GF runs around all night, and I kick back with my friends. Don't feel responsible for him. Every once in awhile go over and say HI and go back and have fun. Hes probably just kicking back. I think the reason he calls all the time, and is in your face is because he has too much time on his hands. He needs to get a job, or go to school. He's bored and chasing after you is how he's making up for that. As far as after the hockey game, both of you just aren't communicating. Tell him that if you get done, you'd like to do something. If your not happy with him now, you never will be. You can't "make" something work. You seem like a very cool girl, just make yourself happy first. Everything else will work out. Don't try so hard.
I hope everything works out for you.
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You can't always get what you want...but if you try somtimes, you just might find, you'll get what you need
 
It's okay to be picky - you deserve to be happy ! So maybe it's not this guy, but you'll know it when it comes. The minute you stop looking and thinking too much . . *BOOM* - it'll just happen. May sound a bit cheesy . . but I believe in fate so just trust that it'll all work out in the end.
smile.gif

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'nuthin but PLURness'. . . . . . <<muah>>!
{{GATS}} =P
 
You should be picky. If you ask yourself all these questions and have all these doubts, then he is not the one. If you are still comparing him to your ex, then he is not the one. If you think that he is too much in your face, then he is not the one.
I wish you to meet somebody who will make you forget everything else. I wish you all the love you deserve.
ManiE
 
Hey rollwitit,
You used the bad e word: expectations. Try to let them go, and accept the gifts that are offered for what they are. You have expectations for what a lover is, based on your past relationship. No one can live up to those expectations, not even your ex could, because it would still be different. Do you expect new friends to have the same relationship with you that you had with your best friend in Junior High? Of course not. You create a new and unique relationship with everyone you meet, revel in that. You can't create if you're busy trying to re-create. If one of your close friends liked to just sit and chill at parties, would that bother you? No, because you don't have those expectations for friends. If you are busy, or you just need space, why do you expect him to know that? You have to tell him, just like you would with friends. I've used this before but its one of my faves: If I offered you $10,000 would you turn it down because you were expecting a million? Let go of the "should be's" and enjoy what is. You like this guys company occasionally - great! Enjoy that, until it becomes something else, then enjoy that. Or let it go. But at least you'll know you're doing it because of what the relationship is, and not because of what it is not. Whoa, this is getting confusing. Hang in there, and I promise you, if you keep giving love with no expectation of returns; you'll get back more than you can imagine!
Love and Peace,
Guru Daddy
 
Thank you everyone for the advice. I am sooo glad to hear that other people understand what I am going through. Ya'll just put a little smile on my face and a little hope in my pocket. Peace and thanks for your time.
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"if man is ever to solve that problem of politics in practice he will have to approach it through the problem of the aesthetic, because it is only through beauty that man makes his way to freedom."
~Schiller
 
my advice is pretty sussinct....
never settle for lest than the best. period.
you deserve it.
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"Hold me,
Feel me, NEVER LET ME GO!
Show me,
Need me,
cuz I want you to stay,
at least until,
THE BREAK OF DAWN!"
 
then again... I refuse to settle... and I'm still alone...
wink.gif

but seriously. You deserve someone who meets or exceeds ALL of your expectations. and no, expectations aren't a bad thing. Nor is comapring someone to your Ex. How else are you supposed to pick out a better guy!?
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"Hold me,
Feel me, NEVER LET ME GO!
Show me,
Need me,
cuz I want you to stay,
at least until,
THE BREAK OF DAWN!"
 
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