I was looking for an anonymous place to post this. It's potentially a bit of a confession. Your positive or negative feedback is welcome.
I know someone named Dave (not me). Dave likes and uses drugs. He is pretty torn up over this.
Dave seems chronically attracted to drugs of all sorts. Dave used to use cocaine regularly. Dave used to use marijuana several times a day. Dave started drinking at age 12. Dave has fairly recently started using drugs about once a week again.
Dave smokes cigarettes. Dave does cocaine to help him clean his apartment or stay up all night to study. Dave uses Ritalin and/or speed to help him study and keep up with all his ambitious plans.
Dave has struggled with depression his whole life. Dave was seeing a therapist regularly while he could afford it. His family history is filled with depression and drug addiction.
Dave feels extremely guilty everytime he uses drugs. But he can't seem to stop. He isn't particularly addicted to anything (except cigarettes). He uses marijuana about twice a week. He uses cocaine about twice a month. He uses speed and/or Ritalin whenever he knows he has to study all weekend.
Dave doesn't like being this way. But he can't seem to stay away. For some reason he always comes back to the drugs. Dave's friends don't know he smokes or uses drugs. Dave's family doesn't know he smokes or uses drugs. Dave's girlfriend of 4 years doesn't know he uses drugs.
Dave is racked with guilt on a daily basis. This guilt is very painful for him. Often times, he turns to drugs and/or alcohol to help bury this guilt. But eventually and inevitably it leads to more guilt. Dave doesn't like lying. Dave's girlfriend said she would break up with him if he used drugs again. Dave really loves his girlfriend and doesn't want this to happen. Dave can't seem to stay away from drugs (of all sorts, not a particular kind) and this means Dave has to lie in order to keep his girlfriend and to keep his life together.
The person Dave wants to be is inconsistent with the person Dave is. Dave prefers not to think of himself as a smoker, but has been smoking for 4 years. Dave prefers not to think of himself has a drug user, but has used drugs on and off since he was 14. Dave is 22.
Dave realizes he is a very bad person. Dave realizes he doesn't deserve good things when he does bad things.
Dave wonders if anyone else feels this way. Dave wonders, more importantly, if anyone has felt this way and managed to resolve his/her problems.
I hope someone can give Dave some advice.
I know someone named Dave (not me). Dave likes and uses drugs. He is pretty torn up over this.
Dave seems chronically attracted to drugs of all sorts. Dave used to use cocaine regularly. Dave used to use marijuana several times a day. Dave started drinking at age 12. Dave has fairly recently started using drugs about once a week again.
Dave smokes cigarettes. Dave does cocaine to help him clean his apartment or stay up all night to study. Dave uses Ritalin and/or speed to help him study and keep up with all his ambitious plans.
Dave has struggled with depression his whole life. Dave was seeing a therapist regularly while he could afford it. His family history is filled with depression and drug addiction.
Dave feels extremely guilty everytime he uses drugs. But he can't seem to stop. He isn't particularly addicted to anything (except cigarettes). He uses marijuana about twice a week. He uses cocaine about twice a month. He uses speed and/or Ritalin whenever he knows he has to study all weekend.
Dave doesn't like being this way. But he can't seem to stay away. For some reason he always comes back to the drugs. Dave's friends don't know he smokes or uses drugs. Dave's family doesn't know he smokes or uses drugs. Dave's girlfriend of 4 years doesn't know he uses drugs.
Dave is racked with guilt on a daily basis. This guilt is very painful for him. Often times, he turns to drugs and/or alcohol to help bury this guilt. But eventually and inevitably it leads to more guilt. Dave doesn't like lying. Dave's girlfriend said she would break up with him if he used drugs again. Dave really loves his girlfriend and doesn't want this to happen. Dave can't seem to stay away from drugs (of all sorts, not a particular kind) and this means Dave has to lie in order to keep his girlfriend and to keep his life together.
The person Dave wants to be is inconsistent with the person Dave is. Dave prefers not to think of himself as a smoker, but has been smoking for 4 years. Dave prefers not to think of himself has a drug user, but has used drugs on and off since he was 14. Dave is 22.
Dave realizes he is a very bad person. Dave realizes he doesn't deserve good things when he does bad things.
Dave wonders if anyone else feels this way. Dave wonders, more importantly, if anyone has felt this way and managed to resolve his/her problems.
I hope someone can give Dave some advice.
