DL-ark
Bluelighter
So, somehow I still had bluelight saved in my password manager. It's been years (my last post was in 2016! Almost a decade) since I logged in, and I did not remember my username so I figured there was no hope of getting back on here. I thought it a bit unfortunate as my last few posts (which I will soon delete) were about fentanyl. If anyone remembered me, I imagine they figured I died.
Happily, I did not die. But, I was using various fent analogues on a very frequent basis nasally when I stopped using bluelight. Often every 30m or less, since at that point I could rapidly feel it wear off. This progressed, at did the dosages, but I started to get very sick. I would be puking almost every day, my GI was becoming very irritated (also reported by my friends using the same product). This culminated in me getting a stomach flu, which resulted in severe vomiting over many days, where I could not hold anything down whatsoever. I was eventually convinced to go to the ER. Right around this time I think I was recovering from the actual bug itself, so inevitably the ER was unable to find anything. I hid my nasal sprayer under my back in my hospital bed. It was very fucked up and junkyesque. They did not fully realize that there were drugs involved although may have suspected it. At this point I can barely remember the whole ordeal. I was sent home with some 5ht3 nausea meds, which helped.
After this, I determined along with my friends to get clean. One of them ended up in an outpatient rehab thing. I was very determined (for some reason) not to be institutionalized in any way. So here was my method for getting off fent:
1. I recorded every time I dosed, and the amount. This was critical. It had gotten to a point where I would be dosing subconsciously, so I had to build a muscle memory around recording every single dose. At this time I did this with pen and paper, on sticky notes or whatever. I would keep track of how much I took in over the course of a day and would the next day make sure I took less, even if it was by a fractional amount.
2. I took things very very slow. For a while it would be something like a 1-5% dose reduction day over day. This was made much easier by the fact that I was dosing with a solution, so I could very precisely and slightly increase the solvent to slightly reduce the dose. This was fine for a while.
3. I took whatever else I could get my hands on that was not a (strong) opioid. Eg. benzos or dxm or z-drugs (which were very helpful). At the time I didn't have access to much else. I tried to keep as busy as possible (mostly playing video games)
4. At a certain point the fractional reductions were not "working" in the sense that I was starting to feel like I was in WD all the time. But I had gotten onto quite a low dose. So at this point I went cold turkey.
I had about 2-3 days of unpleasantness after this. Not really severe WDs, just felt between a flu and a bad cold. I disposed of the fent at this stage.
And I was clean. Felt way better obviously. For a year or so, stayed off drugs entirely. At a certain point moved onto Kratom which I believe has been life-saving. Was also able to get a script for guanfacine + gabapentin which along with the kratom seemed to help with weird transient WD-like feelings I would get (and sometimes still get), basically a deep sense of coldness, a runny nose. Very weird stuff honestly. I thought maybe it could be PAWS but PAWS is not like that at all, from my understanding.
I later had a problem with etiz (8mg /d) + kratom (~20g/d). Here I ended up getting absolutely insane constipation where I was very close to going to the ER again. I was able to get clean by the same exact method on my own there too.
I now only have occasional kratom, paired with a recent nicotine gum habit I picked up from my wife. Things are going pretty well for me, am married, own a home, middle class job. I do think it was probably a good thing that I never went to a rehab clinic at that stage. I was younger and it would have probably influenced my sense of identity in adverse ways, knowing myself.
Obviously, this may not work for everyone, it's just what has worked for me. As I've gotten older I've found it a terrible burden to be dependent on anything. Even if it's a functional dependence, it's one more thing to have to worry about and it becomes a need like food or water than one finds themselves always accounting for eg. when traveling, budgeting, whatever. It's annoying.
Happily, I did not die. But, I was using various fent analogues on a very frequent basis nasally when I stopped using bluelight. Often every 30m or less, since at that point I could rapidly feel it wear off. This progressed, at did the dosages, but I started to get very sick. I would be puking almost every day, my GI was becoming very irritated (also reported by my friends using the same product). This culminated in me getting a stomach flu, which resulted in severe vomiting over many days, where I could not hold anything down whatsoever. I was eventually convinced to go to the ER. Right around this time I think I was recovering from the actual bug itself, so inevitably the ER was unable to find anything. I hid my nasal sprayer under my back in my hospital bed. It was very fucked up and junkyesque. They did not fully realize that there were drugs involved although may have suspected it. At this point I can barely remember the whole ordeal. I was sent home with some 5ht3 nausea meds, which helped.
After this, I determined along with my friends to get clean. One of them ended up in an outpatient rehab thing. I was very determined (for some reason) not to be institutionalized in any way. So here was my method for getting off fent:
1. I recorded every time I dosed, and the amount. This was critical. It had gotten to a point where I would be dosing subconsciously, so I had to build a muscle memory around recording every single dose. At this time I did this with pen and paper, on sticky notes or whatever. I would keep track of how much I took in over the course of a day and would the next day make sure I took less, even if it was by a fractional amount.
2. I took things very very slow. For a while it would be something like a 1-5% dose reduction day over day. This was made much easier by the fact that I was dosing with a solution, so I could very precisely and slightly increase the solvent to slightly reduce the dose. This was fine for a while.
3. I took whatever else I could get my hands on that was not a (strong) opioid. Eg. benzos or dxm or z-drugs (which were very helpful). At the time I didn't have access to much else. I tried to keep as busy as possible (mostly playing video games)
4. At a certain point the fractional reductions were not "working" in the sense that I was starting to feel like I was in WD all the time. But I had gotten onto quite a low dose. So at this point I went cold turkey.
I had about 2-3 days of unpleasantness after this. Not really severe WDs, just felt between a flu and a bad cold. I disposed of the fent at this stage.
And I was clean. Felt way better obviously. For a year or so, stayed off drugs entirely. At a certain point moved onto Kratom which I believe has been life-saving. Was also able to get a script for guanfacine + gabapentin which along with the kratom seemed to help with weird transient WD-like feelings I would get (and sometimes still get), basically a deep sense of coldness, a runny nose. Very weird stuff honestly. I thought maybe it could be PAWS but PAWS is not like that at all, from my understanding.
I later had a problem with etiz (8mg /d) + kratom (~20g/d). Here I ended up getting absolutely insane constipation where I was very close to going to the ER again. I was able to get clean by the same exact method on my own there too.
I now only have occasional kratom, paired with a recent nicotine gum habit I picked up from my wife. Things are going pretty well for me, am married, own a home, middle class job. I do think it was probably a good thing that I never went to a rehab clinic at that stage. I was younger and it would have probably influenced my sense of identity in adverse ways, knowing myself.
Obviously, this may not work for everyone, it's just what has worked for me. As I've gotten older I've found it a terrible burden to be dependent on anything. Even if it's a functional dependence, it's one more thing to have to worry about and it becomes a need like food or water than one finds themselves always accounting for eg. when traveling, budgeting, whatever. It's annoying.