My sister just can't get well (non drug related) TDS and SLR in one, but TDS is best

[Mugz]

This will be tl;dr for most people

Over the last 5 or 6 years my sister has been through hell. Long story short(turns out that this comment is a lie 8)), she has had two attempted suicides which eventually led to her being diagnosed with bipolar which to be honest I think is a crock of shit, she isn't bipolar, she is just a nutcase, I haven't seen her have a manic episode really, she is hard to deal with but she isn't bipolar. One of the suicide attempts was in the UK the other was in the US, it was the US that diagnosed her Bipolar, the UK doctors were not so sure to be honest.

Well after the whole suicide attempts thing and stuff she got diagnosed with Crohn's Disease which crippled her for quite a long time, she was in a ton of pain with that for a long time, they tried lots of things to help, steroids, and pain meds and a ton of other stuff, surgery was on the cards for a while, that was actually what the american doctors wanted to do, but when she came back to the uk to get her Crohn's looked at the doctors here couldn't find any sign of the Crohn's which was extremely puzzling as she was getting the symptoms quite clearly and they could clearly see that but with multiple endocscopies they couldn't find any ulcers in her system, so they decided against surgery in the UK, put her on different steroids though which seemed to control the symptoms and make her slightly better.

Then she went back to the US and was relatively healthy for a while, until she started getting Idiopathic intracranial hypertension. During her time back in the US she was actually raped by one of her best friends who was a close family friend too, he claimed it was consensual and doesn't actually think he did anything wrong, they were both drunk and at a party, and she had asked him to give her something to help her sleep (he is a medic in the navy) so he gave her a shot of something which made her pass out, she woke up with him inside her and managed to get him off of her. He believes that she was ok with it all, but she was really not ok with it one bit. She was struggling with her health at the time too so somehow that I can't imagine she blocked this whole thing out for about a year.

During this year her health got worse and worse, the intracranial hypertension was getting so back, she would be getting massive headaches and would have to have regular spinal taps/lumbar punctures (she has actually managed to have over 50 of these in her life now which is a ridicolous amount of them. Her spinal fluid pressure just kept getting so high. So they did some surgery in the US to put a shunt in her spine to lower the pressure, initially this worked for about a week, but they didn't put a regulator in the shunt and it ended up with her pressure being too low so she was passing out all the time because of that, she had to go to the ER to get it removed. Then she was actually not too unhealthy for a few months, but the high pressure started to come back again and she was back on the regular spinal taps and pain killers.

I went to visit her about a year after the rape and I wasn't aware of it when I went, actually none of my family knew about it until about 2 weeks before I went to visit and this guy was still living in the family home in america as a family friend, he paid rent and also bought my sister a car and made all the payments and would basically pay for anything she wanted. When I went to visit, I could tell something wasn't up and on my first day there(I was staying for 10 days) my sister told me what happened with the rape, but she made me promise that I had to act totally normal otherwise she would cut me out of her life and never speak to me again. It was her way of dealing with it, she had shut it out for over a year and was just coming to terms with it again as she was feeling slightly better physcially, the emotional pain came back to the front. She made my mum and dad make the same promises, my mum had to live with him too. I agreed to my sisters terms, although wasn't happy, I wanted to kill him, I had to sleep in the same room as him when I was on vacation there and would have been happy to kill him, but I couldn't do that to my sister..

Anyways, I came back to the UK, and so did my sister a few days after me to get away from the rapist. Then her symptoms with the intracranial pressure started getting much worse, she was rapidly getting worse and worse, she was losing her sight towards the end, she would pass out during meals into her food, she was on 60mg of oxycodone 4 times a day because the pain was so high, and she was still in immense pain, her spinal taps because a weekly thing as the pressure was building up so high. Eventually a month or so ago they got her in for a cererbral shunt rather than a spinal shunt, and this worked Her pressure returned to a normal level and her pain was reducing and she is practically off the oxycodone now(don't know how she managed that after being on 240mg a day for about 4 months) she is tough though and managed it.

Then about 2 weeks ago she flew back to the US to live with my mum in my mum's new house, the rapist was now in a different state, but still finances my sisters, pays for her car payments which are about $300 a month I think and also sends her about $400 a month for no reason. He still denies that he did anything wrong but his actions show a ton of guilt. I still wish I could kill him, but I promised my sister.

So today I get a message from my sister saying that after being rushed to the ER they think that she may have a tumor on her pituitary gland, and she has a steroid deficiency again. Nothing sems to be able to go right for her. I don't know what I can do to help her, I am across the ocean now. There is nothing I can do to help her.

Why do so many bad things keep happening to her, why can't she be well and healthy for once. Her whole life has been about being ill for the last 5 years, that is her life. Part of me wonders(and I hate this part) whether her brain is creating all of these problems somehow because that is the only way she knows how to be. I hate thinking like that and I don't want to but with her getting ill so often it is hard not to think it. She really does seem to want to be happy and healthy but I don't know if she ever will be.

It is hard being a brother in this situation, I have no clue what to do, I don't even know what I am asking here I just need to get it out.

Sorry for the epic thread, I know at the beginning I said long story short, I guess that was a lie, it was a long story long that could be even longer but doesn't need to be any longer than this.

What can I do? How can I deal with this while being separated by thousands of miles, is the only thing that I can do just sit and wait for more news and try and be positive and supportive?

I'm just lost, and scared and don't have a clue what to do. I wanted to go to sleep an hour ago but can't stop thinking about this. I know it sounds selfish, but I have my own issues to deal with too, and trying to deal with her too is just too hard and fills my life with a lot more stress and worry, but she is my sister and I love her and I want to help her in any way possible, just can't think of any way that I can help



sorry for the massive post

Mugz

 

[purple_cloud]

Mugz, first of all hug . You're an amazing brother from the sounds of it, and your sister's situation sounds absolutely horrible. Sometimes people get sick and never seem to fully recover, which sounds like her - in and out of the hospital all the time, always something new popping up...makes me sick to even hear that someone is suffering like that. I think the best thing you can do from overseas is call her more often, remind her how much you care and how much you love her. Be the supportive brother you've always been --- you have physical space so you can take care of your life, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed and worried when someone you love so much is so ill. But, there really isn't much you can do, other than continue being the amazing brother that you are. Seriously mugz, you're an incredible person, I'm so sorry you are going through this I will definitely keep you and your sister in my thoughts and try to send as much positive energy that way as possible.

 

[Mugz]

Thanks p_c

Is just all getting too much, you are right about the physical space between me and my sis making it possible for me to get on with my own life. That is true. I get stuck though. I can't seem to cope with the small things, let alone the big things. I know it sounds selfish I would love to have a dissociative fugue. Lose my memory, and just not be me anymore. I don't want to die, I just don't want to live this life.

I can't see my sister ever getting better. I believe a lot in the power of positive thought, even though I am not really using it much now, but I also believe a lot in the power of negative thought, and I can't shake the feeling that the serious negativity that goes through my sisters head makes a lot of her problems worse, it also doesn't help that she milks it when she is ill, so sometimes it is like the boy who cried wolf. We know she is really ill, but she milks it for as much as she can get. It is almost like she has munchausen syndrome but is actually really ill, not faking it. There is no way that she could have faked all of her illnesses so far. I sound horrible saying this, but as I said earlier, it is her whole life being ill, she doesn't know any different. It is almost as if that is what she want's. I feel like a terrible brother for thinking this as it can't be true, noone would want to be as ill as she has been.

I'll try and send as much positive energy her way too, and maybe send her one of my gratitude rocks, I know that will put a smile on her face I just want her to be happy, she hasn't been happy in so long.

She really needs to cut this rapist guy out of her life. I am considering doing something about it myself and getting banned from my sisters life as he can't go around getting away with it, I know he is paying her a ton of cash and paying for her car for it, but she can't drive at the moment anyway after her brain surgery for another 5 months. He has to be out of the equation for her to get better. That is a fact and everyone knows that.

 

[purple_cloud]

Mugz, I'm really shocked you didn't kill the rapist guy anyway. From the sounds of it, even if your sister doesn't want you to, and we all would rathe ryou not in jail --- he deserves to be dead for that, gotta hope for natural causes I guess (not to wish death on him, but he doesn't deserve anything good after doing that.) I don't think you're a bad person for thinking your sister's negativity is keeping her ill, positive and negative energy can do a lot. Even if that's the case, supporting her and being there for her are still really the best things for you to do.

And, if anything, think of the positive thoughts as not making your sister 100% better, but getting her to a quality of life that she can enjoy and eventually start to feel happy despite her health. Putting a smile on her face definitely sounds like a good plan.

 

[Mugz]

I had to share a room with the rapist guy for the rest of my stay there after I found out the truth on the first day, was there for 9 nights, had to pretend everything was normal. Was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. No wonder I got drunk so much on that trip and lost about $800 gambling.

 

[Dave]

You're a far, far better man than I. I won't get into what I might have done, but just the thought of someone doing that to a member of my family gets the rage going. Intimate knowledge of certain molecules that could do certain unpleasant things to people doesn't help.

Of course, you're right in that he needs to be out of her life, but I don't know if there's much in the way of recourse. While she may not be 100% of sound mind, she doesn't sound like she's far gone enough for there to be any legal means to intervene. I must agree with p_c that the best thing that you can do right now is support her. The occasional concrete reminder that other people think well of her, want good things for her, and are celebrating every little victory she has can be quite strengthening.

I wish that I could offer some better advice, but to be honest you're already dealing with this better than I likely would.

 

[Mugz]

Thanks Dave, I think this was more of a rant that I had to get out, I did want some advice too though and I have got some good advice from you and p_c, mostly confirming what I already know, is nice to hear it again from someone else though.

I wont take any action against the rapist guy, I don't even know what state he is in anymore, so would have trouble tracking him down, and it isn't worth it. I don't agree with my sisters way of dealing with it, but fair play to her, she is getting a lot of money from him, I just don't think it is worth any money for him to still be in her life in any way whatsoever.

The occasional concrete reminder that other people think well of her, want good things for her, and are celebrating every little victory she has can be quite strengthening.

This is what the whole family tries to do, but her mood is so up and down, she really does appreciate it a lot, I just hope she gets better soon and can start living a normal life for a change.

 

[TINK]

Mugz,
I too have dealt with the issues of emotional, physical and being raped. Luckily, I was not raped by someone I knew (if you could call that lucky).

You are an amazing brother. I have chronic pain, that is sometimes dibilitating and I can't get out of bed for days. I also have major depression and panic disorders that cripple me everyday. My brother doesn't even know where I live or even if I am still alive and he is only 6 hours away.

Take it from me she does need to cut this guy out of her life and seek some counseling for what happed. I am the first person to admit that emotional pain can cause serisous physical pain or worsen it.

Don't ruin your future over killing this asshole. Just get to the point where everyone can move on and cut him out of your lives for good.

good luck