My Short History With Benzos

[LordFran]

One time I met this girl on a date. She takes a little heart container from the coat of her pocket, pops it open, and voila: two benzos.
"You want one?"
Man...I've never been one to turn down free drugs.
Later I would remark as we were walking down these beautiful little argentinian streets "These are really doing nothing for me. I mean, maybe I feel a tinge of something...but I don't know."
My drug use was pretty dope at 17. I always had a supply of cheap whiskey, brick weed, and cigarrettes. I probably didnt eat to afford these as I just went to school and did not work. But I smoked a pack a day and smoked 2 joints a day. I got really good at it. But I really liked getting drunk and smoking a pack while writing short stories and novellas...even at 7am once i finished school. I suspect at times I couldnt find sources of weed so I just used alcohol instead...and cigarretes of course cause it was sort of like weed--Ha, right!


The benzos caught my attention later when I saw them in my grandma's bathroom mirror cabinet.
What the hell, lets see what all the fuss is about
Probably within 2 weeks I might had snatched six. She had a lot. Probably months prescriptions. I had to snatch a lot because I really was not seeing what all the fuss was about. I mean to get off on this stuff I needed at least two in a row and to smoke a joint. These were 2mg Clonazepam. I could feel the depressant effect, but it really wasn't doing it for me. Yet I still felt the urge.

Perhaps an year progressed with small snatchings...once every sunday when we had dinners and only if she had a lot and it wouldnt be blatantly obvious. I must have been deluded cause my grandma was not senile or anything she probably kept tabs of things like that...she must have probably thought my grandpa was stealing them and they would fight over it...I can see that.

One Summer we rented our house to make some extra money so my mom, my brother, and I went to live at my grandparents for the season. Also it wasnt only for the money as mom wanted to take care of grandma who had had a very harsh ciurjery on her spine and was very fragile.

Jack Pot! Benzo paradise. Probably stole a couple until one day I was laying in bed and felt it! Withdrawal! My brain suffering and my mind's eye seeing that stupid purple box. I didn't even like them! This was insane. They were too adictive. I couldnt keep stealing these! It would never end. I dont know when it was but I took a decision to never take benzos again. I then quit alcohol 3 years later and have not touched it for 2 years now.
Later investigations made me confident in my decision to never take opium (chinas opium crisis, kurt cobain, jimi hendrix, singer of sublime, etc, and more recently addiction reports.) Very young I made the decision to staw away from cocaine and god helped me because I feel I could never snort something! I already have a fragile nose from boxing anyway.

Now a days I am glad I can do shrooms and smoke dmt (especially changa) and prepare for an ayahuasca trip. I really think I will never get into any other drugs again. I already am quite unhappy that I smoke cigarrettes. I love weed, but use too much, but still have a great relationship with it because after so many shroom and dmt trips weed becomes a great tool for meditation and for hallucinating in bed, as well as hightening music. But music is essential in dmt trips and shroom trips too.
That was my short benzo story! I still remember the withdrawal and I am scared for life of those pills.


? Thank you for reading ?

 

[Xorkoth]

Hey, thanks for sharing. I feel that since you're relating a story and it's not really about seeking help, that this might be better suited for Drug Culture instead of The Dark Side, where we focus on helping people through their problems. As such I am going to move it. Please let me know if you were actually looking for some help and I'll move it back but it doesn't seem that you are from reading your post.

 

[LordFran]

Hey, thanks for sharing. I feel that since you're relating a story and it's not really about seeking help, that this might be better suited for Drug Culture instead of The Dark Side, where we focus on helping people through their problems. As such I am going to move it. Please let me know if you were actually looking for some help and I'll move it back but it doesn't seem that you are from reading your post.

Hi Shadow=) Its ok I didn't know which place it went in.

 

[Xorkoth]

No worries at all.

My history with benzos is pretty chill. I don't find them recreational in the least. I've used them exclusively for two things, the main thing is to make myself sleep at the end of the night when I've been doing long-lasting psychedelics or stimulants. I keep a supply of etizolam in PG solution and 2mg/mL for easy dosing. The other purpose I've used them for is on the rare occasions I get into some stimulants that end up too edgy, I take a bit of etizolam to smooth it out but I only do this if absolutely ne cessary and don't let myself get stimulants very often. The last thing I use it for is if I'm withdrawing a bit from gabapentin or phenibut (I use phenibut or gabapentin for playing shows or special occasions, but I end up getting a few withdrawaly days afterwards, especially from phenibut, since I've been addicted to it a few times and come off, so it's easier to get withdrawals now. Sometimes I will be totally unable to sleep and exhausted during those days, so I'll take a little etizolam to get some sleep so I feel better the next day.

I've never gotten a benzo dependence and I am very intent on never getting one, as the withdrawal from benzos is fucking scary. And so disproportionately awful and long-lasting compared to their relative mild effects.

I don't suffer from an anxiety disorder or anything so that's why I don't find them recreational. They just make me feel a little less aware, a little smoother and more comfortable, but it's honestly minor. Certain ones (like etizolam) are wonderful for falling asleep under any circumstances, though.

 

[sonicwhite]

If you don’t have anxiety you won’t really enjoy benzo.

In 08 my anxiety was so bad, I went to the psych ward and this guy was boasting about how he gets klonopin everyday.

I said please throw me one.


He said sure. Gets out like the next day and tosses two over the wall in a alcohol packet.

God helped me so mich that day.

I found it and took one. Within fifteen minutes while in the shower it hit.

I kid you not, it felt like an X pull.

The anxiety just melted away and my skin felt so light.


But I got into the habit of taking three a day for seven years.

Move out of state, was yanked off and had two grand mal seizures at my dads.


I have anxiety today but I just endure it. It is manageable with gabapentin.

 

[JackARoe]

If you don’t have anxiety you won’t really enjoy benzo.

Ain't that the truth. When I was young we use to raid my neighbors mother's medicine cabinet for Tuinal, Seconal and Amytal. Then one day my friends mother switched her to valium. When we went to try and get "high" from it we learned pretty quickly that although we did not feel high we could not remember two days.

I think these drugs are a Godsend to some people as sonic mentioned. For others they are unnecessary and certainly not a recreational drug unless someone does have severe anxiety, the relief is sought out effect.

I also never got dependent. I never used them more than once a week at some periods and even that was heavy for me.

 

[LordFran]

If you don’t have anxiety you won’t really enjoy benzo.

Totally! I wanted to say that, but wasnt sure it was true.

When I was on them I always felt this could be benneficial for some people, but totally not for me.

Ive had depression, one panic atack, been and outcast, rejected, always different and from somwhere else--yet never lost confidence, or my outgoing attitude, sort of italian street attitude. I still never had anxiety. Perhaps on the come up of shrooms...but not sure thats real anxiety.

EDIT 12/21/2019: Now at 23 years old, I do have anxiety. It started after a bad high dose mescaline/low dose amph trip, which is a bad combination, dont do it. I can't have caffeine cause I get to edgy. The anxiety is a sort of a blessing which forces me to meditate and forced me to abandon all drug use---I am currently smoking CBD cannabis though, but I'll stop this soon too.

 

[Wilson Wilson]

I absolutely agree that if you don't have anxiety you will not get much from benzos except being a bit tired and forgetful.

If you do have anxiety and you pop a benzo the simple anxiety relief itself feels amazing. I believe that's where the real "high" comes from. The sudden anxiety relief.